Greetings, Gaelickers! I’m taking over this week’s installment of The Sapphic Screen in HAL’s stead. I hope I can live up to her standards!

And what a week to cover: lesbian invisibility returns to the small screen, with a vengeance. Except, that is, for Angelina Jolie. Fans of the be-lipped wonder can knock themselves out with about 85 million appearances from her throughout the week.

Everyday

The Ellen DeGeneres Show - Check out Her Royal Gayness, King of Queens. TV3 at 2.10pm

Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Is Tara still shuffling around this mortal coil..? Channel 6 at 5.10pm

Will & Grace – The box-set of the complete seasons is €250, see it here for free. Living 7pm and 1am

Hollyoaks Later – This short series, a week-long spin-off of Channel 4 fixture Hollyoaks, develops the storyline of Sarah and Zoe. Apparently, they kiss, and maybe more. And the dirtee hussies are confined to post-watershed hours, where they belong. E4 10pm

23 Sunday

Peil na mBan Beo – It’s women’s GAA – how lesbionic can you get? TG4 at 5.20pm

Divas II – A whole rake of ladies get together for a sing-song, including P!nk, who is definitely not a lesbian. UTV at 8pm

God Bless America – Following Barack Obama’s victory and the defeat of equality for same-sex relationships, this programme looks at the effect of religious conservatism on voter behaviour in the U.S. Channel 4 at 7pm

I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here!- What? There are three homersexualists in it this year – we’re allowed to watch.. TV3 and UTV at 9pm

24 Monday

Nina’s Heavenly Delights – Soppy but sexy story of a young woman who comes home to Scotland to look after the family’s Indian restaurant. Sky Movies Indie at 4:30pm

I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here! – Our celesbian and her two ‘moes continue their adventures in nature – who’ll be kicked out?! TV3 and UTV at 9pm

Katherine Lynch’s Wonderwomen – You either love it or you hate it: the series continues with Dublin’s drag scene’s Lynch and her questionable content. RTÉ2 at 10pm

25 Tuesday

The Black Dahlia – With a cast that includes Mia “L Word” Kirshner, Hilary “Boys Don’t Cry” Swank, Fiona “Ireland’s most fabulous dykon” Shaw; a cameo from k.d. lang, and several 1940s lesbian bar scenes; and director Brian De Palma, whose credits include Dressed To Kill, this is recommended queer viewing. Sky Movies Drama at 3:45pm

High Society’s Favourite Gigolo – The rise and fall of Britain’s first black entertainer, and highest paid entertainer of the 1920s and ’30s, Leslie Hutchinson, is examined in this episode of the High Society series. We’ll see if the programme looks at his relationships with Cole Porter, Ivor Novello and fellow bisexual, Tallulah Bankhead. Channel 4 at 9pm

The Culture Show – Angelina Jolie makes appearance number 1 of the week, talking about her career and new film, A Mighty Heart. BBC2 at 11:20pm

26 Wednesday

I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here! – ITV’s website ranks the gays among the least popular of the contestants – will it prove correct?! TV3 and UTV at 8:30pm

La Ciénaga – This intense family drama where the adolescents play while the adults are away, and described as “Chekov in Argentina”, includes a lesbian-crush sub-plot. I warned you that this week lesbian invisibility is taking over – I’m taking the lesbiality where I can find it! Film4 at 10:55pm

A Queer Try – A repeat of the series following Northern Ireland’s first gay rugby team, the Ulster Titans, from their earliest days as a team to their bid for glory at the Bingham Cup. BBC1 at 11:15pm

27 Thursday

A Culture Show Special: Angelina Jolie – It’s Angie again! This time she’s yakking on about her film career (again) and her other recent film, Changeling. BBC2 at 7pm

I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here! – Is this thing still on..? TV3 and UTV at 9pm

Life or Something Like It – It’s Angie again again! This is a comedy, or something. BBC2 at 11:50pm

28 Friday

Mulholland Dr. – Another weird offering from David Lynch, featuring the muchas appealing Naomi Watts and Laura Elena Harring. Sky Movies Indie at 5:30pm

I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here! – Oh, good lord, these z-list slebs (except for Martina, of course), are bad enough without subjecting us in TV-land to slatherings of icky creepy-crawlies and guck. Make it end! TV3 and UTV at 9pm

The Late Late Toy Show – There’s nothing particularly gay about this programme, but it’s The Late Late Toy Show! Although it’s never been the same since The Plank wrecked it.. RTÉ1 at 9:35pm

Katherine Lynch’s Wonderwomen – More from the other Lynch and her probably offensive caricatures. RTÉ2 at 11:20pm

The Culture Show Uncut – Oh for goodness sake. Seriously, Angie, there’s such a thing as overkill, hon. BBC2 at 12:05am

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