The new advertising campaign for Wilkinson’s Quattro for Women range has done what few ever thought was possible – rendered me speechless. Have a look-see yourself:

Ye gods, the subtlety! “Mow it! Do it! Cut it! Trim it!” Sorry, what?! Ok, let’s review:

Girl sits inside, stroking cat, sad. She recalls that what usually cheers her up is to ‘mow the lawn’. Cut to garden carnage – lawnmowers, pruners, shears, some massive chainsaw-type trimmer thingy, all wielded by maniacal Stepford babes! They want to rid your topiary of mess, weeds and general untidiness! I’m a-scared!

Catchy tune though…

Anyway, she’s done now, stating that it “feels great to trim the hedges”. Wait a minute! Her cat! It had hair before! Pussy is now bare… hey… I get it now!

And it’s not just an English country garden affair, there’s no clover past Dover either. Regardez this, the French version:

My understanding of French is where I left it (mid-1990’s Leaving Cert), but don’t worry, symbolism strikes once more, dainty as an anvil dropped from 20 stories. Somebody’s going to have to explain all these tulip references to me though.

“Quand c’est court, c’est plus classe, et plus glamour devant la glace”. But surely it’s all a matter of taste, n’est ce pas?

So, while I am pro-doing whatever the hell you please with your pubic hair, I’m against Quattro for Women pitching their product by making women feel bad about their intimate grooming, or lack of. Silly me, I thought we’d moved on from those circa 1960’s commercials with the in-built guilt and implications that you don’t look good enough, so quick, use this product before some man sees you! The retro look and chirpy Brady Bunch music is all very jolly, but isn’t it all just about selling shame? And don’t even get me started about the stereotypes – the Asian girl giggling that some gardens are really small while she prunes her bonsai?! The black woman gamely attacking the massive bush with the hedge trimmer?! No you didn’t!

In conclusion, oi, Wilkinson Sword! Get your marketing department off my lady garden!

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