Here’s the last entry

This one gets a bit medical – just to warn ya

The amount of women who are getting in contact for information, or just to chat about their efforts or wished to have children shows just how important it is not to brush this under the carpet. We all need to help each other, inform each other, support each other. The Irish scene can seem lonely when you’re not heading to the pub, but since getting online, I see so many women in the same situation. It sounds trite but you’re not alone.

Ok, enough pontification (oops bad choice of word, sorry Benny). So, after a year of asking our donor questions and answering his questions the three of us decided to go for it. I have to add here that he’s not just our donor, he’s also a great friend, I don’t want the poor guy to be seen as a walking scrotum!

When we got to this stage what happened? Well, more reading and researching as it turned out.

Plus we had to tell our GP. I can’t stress this enough, get a GP who is sympathetic to your situation. If your usual doc isn’t, or makes you feel awkward – move. Simple as that. You need a doctor who is on your side not just for when you’re trying to have a child but when you are actually giving birth. In Ireland no doctor has to let the non-bio mother into the delivery room. It’s your GP and the midwife’s call. So you have to have a sympathetic doc, it’s vital. If you are in Dublin , I can send you in the right direction, just mail me.

After telling the doc and listening to her recommendations, both my partner and our donor/friend had to be tested for all STIs. Clear – phew! However, we were told to wait another 3 months for us all to be sure that everything was clear. As you may know, some STIs can stay dormant in the system for 3 months, so the test today may be clear but the infection could show up in a couple of months.

This meant that he couldn’t have unprotected sex for three months. I know most people will say that he shouldn’t be having unprotected sex anyway, but it’s his body so it’s up to him. Always remember that your donor isn’t just your donor; he’s a man. Don’t assume anything and be grateful for his continued commitment. Here she goes again in her pulpit.

Then we asked the doc if she could do fertility tests on both my partner and our friend. These are expensive and are usually only done if you are going through IVF or IUI in a clinic. So we had to do without. However, there was nothing to say that we were infertile – young, healthy, regular – so off we went.

After the three month break when we all went off and thought about it some more, and read some more, we just had to wait for the optimum day for my other half to get preggers. There are many ways for a woman to know when she is ovulating:

Changes in Vaginal Discharge – squeamish? Tough! Cervical mucus is your friend. It makes your womanly bits ready for insemination, and when the sperm arrives, it hold onto the little blighters, trapping them where they need to be. It’s like the fallopian version of asking for directions. Men don’t, so women have to get them there. This is one of the best ways to get a finger on when you’re ovulating. Sorry but the puns are irresistible.

After your period, there is some discharge but a few days later is when the magic happens. Just before ovulation your cervical mucus becomes clear and slippery and (you’ll read this everywhere) has the consistency of egg whites. At this stage it should also be pretty stretchy. Now it’s up to you – do you go for insemination on the day of CM, as you will casually start to call it, or do you wait until the second day of CM? It’s your call. You generally get one to three days of CM, but this depends on your body. Test it for a few months before you try to get pregnant.

Hormone surge – Ah, LH, where would we be without you? LH is the luteinizing hormone which takes over your body right before ovulation – the lutal phase. This is what an ovulation predictor kit is looking for. If you’re positive according to the kit, it means you are just before ovulation, so wait a day before insemination. Again, it’s by trail and error that you’ll learn when your body does what it does. Listen to it and take notes. FYI, the kits are expensive in your local chemist so go online, you’ll save a huge amount.

Elevated body temperature – this is a nightmare to track as you have to do it everyday at exactly the same time, in the same position. Couples have been known to become slaves to the basal thermometre, so, if you can use one of the other methods, do so.

It works like this – your temperature rises slightly during ovulation, so you need to track your ‘basal temperature’ with a basal thermometer (a highly sensitive thermometre).

Cervix position – Apparently your cervix changes position when you ovulate but how on earth your supposed to be able to determine this without a speculum is anyone’s guess.

Horniness - ovulation equals horny. Obviously if you’re a sex-driven nymph (lucky thing) this is just another day for you so ignore this one.

All icked out? Maybe you should rethink this; I haven’t even gotten to the sperm yet.

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