From here

When you are going through this insemination process you’ll be amazed by people’s reactions. Fair enough, you needn’t tell a soul, but us being us, we are open about it. Most people are great; interested but not really needing to know the literal ins and outs of the process. Then there are those others who come out with some of the most ridiculous, ill-informed crap you’ve ever heard.

Actually, now that I think of it, it’s a bit like coming out – some people are grossed out, others fascinated and others don’t give a monkey’s.

Here is one of the two all-time most annoying comments we have been lucky enough to hear.

Why don’t you just go out and have sex with a bloke?

Seriously. This question has been put to us on a number of occasions and usually by someone who should know better. What I would like to do in response is place my hand gently on the back of the person’s head and drag it forward til it hits the table at speed. Repeat as required.

What actually happens is one of the following responses:

“Em, sperm and an egg makes babies. We have sperm and we have an egg. Cheesy nightclub environment is not essential to procreation.”

“What? Have sex with someone I don’t know? Surely you realise how dangerous that is? You could catch all sorts of things. How often do you do this?”

“So if you can’t have kids, it’s ok for your wife/partner to go out and have random sex?”

Usually, they squirm and nod. I’m assuming that the squirms come from the realisation that they have just asked one of the world’s most ridiculous questions.

You’re going through all this and you see 14 and 15 year-olds after shagging up against a wall and there they are with prams and buggies.

Thanks. No really, thanks. We weren’t feeling bad enough but now, apparently, it’s so easy even a child can get pregnant. What’s our problem eh?

I would like the response to this to be a huge gush of tears, followed by wailing and much dramatic stamping of feet just to piss the person off. However, in reality I usually just crack a joke about our need to change positions so that we’re inseminating up against a wall.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that, if you decide to tell people about your inseminational exploits, be prepared to become people’s touchstone on all things procreation. People will ask the most stupid questions, but, when they are asked with an honest desire for information try to be patient. Don’t tell anyone anything you want to keep private. But don’t be afraid either. The more people talk about these things the more we’ll all get used to the normality of it.

Another thing to watch out for are the update hunters. Some people, rather oddly, will figure out when you’re due your period and will ask for success reports. Every month. Saying, “no, nothing, maybe next month”, becomes emotionally exhausting. No matter who the person is – friend, family or strangely-obsessed co-worker – and no matter that they are excited for you and your prospects, this is a huge amount of pressure. Each month that nothing happens, brings what feels like another admission of failure. The remedy? Tell them so. Just be open and say, “I really appreciate that you’re excited and interested but to be honest, if something happens I’ll tell you. If I don’t say anything just assume that I’m not pregnant”.

This also eliminates telling everyone immediately if you do become pregnant. Very few women tell people that they are pregnant before the pee has dried on the stick. Usually, they wait for 12 weeks as this is the stage when miscarriages are most likely to happen.

So balance your need for privacy with the need to inform. And always remember that you need not tell a soul should you so choose. The only problem there though, is you lose the potential support of friends should you need it.

As with all things in this process, it’s up to you and your needs.