Last night, myself, the misses and a handful of gays went along to the birthday bash of a pal who’s a straighty katie. Naturally enough, her choice of venue was what’s known as a “straight bar”. A “straight bar” is the kind of place where heterosexuals go to find a mate. And given the number of times she’s joined us at various homo-tastic pubs and nights out, it was only fair we allow her the benefit of our company on her terms – it’s her birthday, after all! So, off we all toddled to Dublin’s Dandelion Bar and Nightclub.

I took the opportunity to conduct an anthropological field study while guzzling down the wine and vodka as though my life depended on it. (And at this stage, it possibly does..)

Observations

Straight men can’t – or won’t – dance. Many are to be observed on the edges of the dancefloor area, engaging in some chatting and stiffly bopping with fellow boozers, or staring intently at one particular woman on the dancefloor. Intently. Without blinking. (I’m talking about you, guy in the chequed shirt..!)

Straight people have bizarrely bad taste in music. Mostly of some weird form of mod-ren R’n'B. Most of the evening’s musical offerings from the DJ resembled Spin 103.8 10 Hits In A Row, on repeat ad nauseam. Not a hint of Whitney or Lady Gaga.

When faced with a venue stuffed to the rafters with straights in their natural habitat, gays will quickly gravitate towards one another, and remain in closely-packed, huddled groups for the entire evening.

Supplemental Note

Straight women and gay men can dance, and will do so if given the slightest chance, or merest whiff of a Beyoncé.

Straight men may, at times, make valiant attempts at dancing. These attempts are usually later in the night, after several drinks; and are almost invariably unsuccessful. These attempts also usually resemble Dad-at-a-wedding dance “styles”, regardless of the age of the straight man who’s dancing.

Conclusion

Straight men can’t – or won’t – dance. Straight women and gay men can – and will, at any given opportunity – dance, especially if that dancing can take place inside a cage.

Comments are invited for peer review.
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Dandelion Bar and Nightclub
St. Stephen’s Green West
(Next to TGI Friday’s)
Dublin 2
www.welovedandelion.com

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