Christmas is always a time for over indulgence, food, presents, quiet time, sleep, family and, of course, a lot of TV. Hours spent blissfully on the couch, happily channel hopping between all the films and programming that the jam-packed TV schedule has to offer. Of course, after writing this, I never want to see a TV again!

Children’s TV

I always love the chance to re-live your childhood that Christmas has to offer year on year. You get a chance to watch all the cartoons and TV that is usually on while you are shackled to your desk, or busy in your line of work. To this end, I’m going recommend the best kid’s TV shows and movies to help you feel the nostalgia.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I was always a huge fan of Sabrina The Teenage Witch, and I feel no shame over that! There will be double bills of Sabrina on weekdays on RTÉ, yay! Ahem…

For re-living childhood, it is essential that you watch The Den on Christmas Eve. Granted, it’s not a patch on what it used to be (it’ll never be the same without Zig and Zag) however, it just has to be done.

The likes of Scooby Doo, Balamory, Noddy etc can always be found on RTÉ 2 most mornings before 12pm.

The Snowman is also a must see, and you’ll soon find yourself singing along to “We’re Walking in the Air….” Just a word of advice, don’t try and hit the high note. For everyone’s sake!

Soaps

Will this year be any happier in Eastenders?

Of course, there is always the obligatory Christmas Day soap watching. You know that point on Christmas day when you’re sprawled on the couch, unable to move from the volume of food you have just consumed, yet you attempt to force feed yourself a turkey sandwich because it’s tradition and you just HAVE to. Then you reach for the remote, and lie back to observe the edge-of-your-seat Christmas Day adventures of the residents of Carrigstown, Albert Square, Weatherfield or the Dales.

And exciting they will be! (If you’re into that sort of thing. Which I’m not. But it’s still going to be exciting) I don’t want to give anything away and ruin it for anyone, so I’ll just say some events without using too many names or specifics….

(POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT)

In Fair City, you can expect the usual drama, a mystery hamper causing problems, and some confusion over Christmas presents.

Coronation Street promises to provide lots of laughs with their Christmas panto, but also a lot of drama in the Platt household (just for a change like). An old, very familiar face will also be returning to Weatherfield, leading to some very strange romantic entanglements.

As always, Emmerdale will have a fire (they really seem to like their explosions and fires on Christmas in the Dales) as well as a marriage proposal, and the usual Dingle family strife.

And as for Eastenders, well, Phil Mitchell gets angry. Shocking that. And a character will be outed on his wedding day…ouch.

Old Favourites

Fear not, even with the filled-to-bursting-point TV schedule, everyone’s old favourites of Friends, Scrubs, Father Ted and Will & Grace are still on pretty much every morning and evening between RTÉ and CH4. Good news for early risers, or those who don’t want to watch depressing recession-related news during their turkey curry dinners.

Game/Quiz Shows

These are on constantly over the Christmas break, ranging from QI to Winning Streak and everything in between. There are loads of “celebrity” editions of these shows during the Christmas period, e.g. Deal or No Deal, Family Fortunes etc. It’s always worth tuning in to see what Z-list celebs they have managed to persuade to appear on the shows.

©INPHO/Billy Stickland

Sports

RTÉ Two has a series of sport highlights for the next two weeks. There will also be the Irish Sports Awards 2009, and a documentary on Thierry Henri’s recent handball incident. In case we haven’t heard enough about that yet.

X Factor

For anyone suffering X Factor-related withdrawal symptoms, there are several special editions being aired for your viewing pleasure, including the winner’s story, as well as a special on the best and worst moments of the X Factor 2009 (and that’s going to be hilarious, the auditions are always the best part in my humble opinion).

And for you Jedward fans… News just in! They will be back to infect our TV screens in Celebrity Big Brother (if they accept the offer). Oh, and you can now buy Jedward T-shirts in the Christmas market on Henry Street. You’d better hurry or they’ll be all gone!

Comedy

There will be lots of comedy gold provided over Christmas from the likes of Tommy “Banned from the Late Late” Tiernan, Hector, Niall Delamare, Dara O’Briain and many others. Laugh until you cry over Christmas before you have to go back to the harsh reality away from the couch. Or stay on the couch forever. I know I might!

Delia Smith with the world's smallest dildo

Documentaries

These range from crime, Susan Boyle and the Da Vinci Code to Stephen Gately, sport and history. There are some very interesting choices available, so be sure to check some of them out. There are also several cookery shows, including one on Christmas Eve that will allow you to cook along to it. Could be very beneficial for those cooking their first ever Christmas dinner.

Movies

There truly is something for everyone in the range of films available to watch over the Christmas. From animation to horror, chick flicks to children’s movies, everyone will find something to suit.

Christmas Films – To get you in the mood, why not start by watching the films that make Christmas? I’m talking about the likes of Miracle on 34^th Street, The Santa Clause, The Polar Express and so on. Go on, treat yourself!

Animated Movies – Fans of animated movies will be delighted to see that the TV schedule is jam-packed with animated films. The best thing about these are that the humour is multi-layered, in that there are jokes you will get that the younger viewers won’t. So don’t be afraid to sit down with the kids and check some of them out. The selection includes Happy Feet, The Ant Bully, James and the Giant Peach, Lilo and Stitch, The Polar Express, Corpse Bride, and of course, everyone’s favourite, Shrek. It also includes my personal favourite Christmas movie, The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Sigh...get the tissues out

Must See Films – There are many films on over the course of the holidays that one simply must see, whether you like them or not. Brokeback Mountain is an essential, followed by Rabbit Proof Fence. Babel is worth a watch, even though it can get very strange in places. La Vie en Rose is another. Many of the other “must-see” films will be covered in the “Classics” section of this article.

Kids – There are plenty of movies to keep kids quiet, especially the visiting ones, as for some reason; they always seem to be the loudest! These include ET, all the Harry Potters, any of the Muppet movies, The Land Before Time, Madagascar and Matilda. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is on too, but make sure they watch the original, far superior version, Willy Wonka.

Camp-tastic Movies – I just had to include this as a category, as some of the best, most camp, musicals ever made appear in the TV guides. Annie, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Dream Girls, Mary Poppins and even Mama Mia! are there to watch. For all its bad reviews, Mama Mia is totally worth it, if just to see Pierce Brosnan in spandex!

Lesbian loves Johnny

Johnny Depp – He has to get his own category here, as he has a tonne of his films in the schedule. The Pirates of the Caribbean series on shown at least once every two days one at least one channel. What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?, Corpse Bride, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Finding Neverland are some other of his films that are on over the Christmas.

Home Grown Talent - There are several Irish films listed too, both new and old. A childhood favourite of mine, The War of the Buttons, is on one of the mornings. Others include: Intermission, Kisses, Once, My Left Foot, The Butcher Boy, The Most Fertile Man in Ireland and Into the West.

Comedy Gold – Films to keep you laughing include Mrs Doubtfire, Sister Act, Father of the Bride and the Beverly Hillbillies among many others. So get the popcorn out and enjoy!

Classics – These are the movies that everyone, no matter what age, should see at least once in their lifetime. Gems such as Some Like it Hot, Murder on the Orient Express and Casablanca are just a tiny selection of what’s on this Christmas.

Chick-Flicks (for want of a better term) – These will make you laugh or cry, or cry form laughing at the absolute mortification that is some of these character’s lives…. Check out Sweet Home Alabama, The Holiday, the Devil Wears Prada, or Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason as the prime examples of this genre coming to your TV sets.

Silent Hill - that cop was such a dyke

James Bond – As always, the schedule is somewhat overloaded with these films, with some stations have two or three on the same day! The Man With The Golden Gun, Golden Eye, Moonraker, Tomorrow Never Dies, Octopussy and The Spy Who Loved Me are all on at least once. All follow the same basic story line, but can sometimes be worth a watch for all the blatant in-your-endo’s that appear throughout.

Horror – For the “bah-humbug”-ers among you, why not settle down for a good scare with some of the horror movies that are showing? Silent Hill, Slither or the Amityville Horror should do the job!

Best of TV at a Glance

Here I have included any TV programme I mentioned above, as well as some others that I think may be of interest to Gaelick readers. I have stuck to non-satellite TV stations, as most people have RTÉ, BBC, UTV, CH4 etc, but may not have Sky or whatever.

Saturday 19^th

X Factor: Best and Worst (6pm, TV3)
Strictly Come Dancing: The Final (6.35pm, BBC 1)
Stars on The Street (8pm, UTV)
RTÉ Sport on Two: Premier Soccer Saturday (8pm, RTÉ 2)
Winning Streak (8.15pm, RTÉ 1)
RTÉ Sport on Two: Heineken Cup Rugby (9pm, RTÉ 2)
I Dreamed A Dream: The Susan Boyle Story (9pm, TV3)
Have I Got News For You Christmas Special (10.55pm, BBC 2)
The Panel (12am, RTÉ 1)
True Blood (12.35am, TG4

Sunday 20^th

Friends (2.50pm, CH4)
The Simpsons (3.20pm, CH4)
Deal or no Deal (4.25pm, CH4)
Who Wants To Be Millionaire? Christmas Special (7pm, UTV)
Top Gear (8pm, BBC 2)
Fair City (8pm, RTÉ 1)
That’s Entertainment! The Story of Irish TV (8pm, TV3)
RTÉ Sport on Two: Heineken Cup Rugby (8.30pm, RTÉ 2)
RTÉ Sports Awards 2009 (9pm, RTÉ 1)
Father Ted Christmas Special (10.20pm, CH4)

Monday 21^st
Friends (8.55am, CH4)
Sabrina The Teenage Witch (5.10pm, RTÉ 2)
The Simpsons (5pm, CH4)
The Simpsons (6pm, RTÉ 2)
Emmerdale (7pm, TV3, UTV)
Coronation Street (7.30, 8.30pm, TV3, UTV)
Eastenders (8pm, RTÉ 1)
Catherine’s Italian Kitchen (8.30pm, RTÉ 1)
Father Ted (9pm, RTÉ 2)
Prime Time Investigates- Meet The Bankers (9.35pm, RTÉ 1)
The Graham Norton Show (11.40pm, BBC 1)
The Late Late Show (11.45pm, RTÉ 1)

Tuesday 22^nd
Friends (9.10am, CH4)
Ugly Betty (10.55am, CH4)
Sabrina The Teenage Witch (5.10pm, RTÉ 2)
The Simpsons (5pm, CH4)
The Simpsons (6pm, RTÉ 2)
Corrigan’s Live Christmas Cook-Along (7pm, 8.30pm, RTÉ 1)
Emmerdale (7pm, TV3, UTV)
Eastenders (7.30pm, RTÉ 1)
Fair City (8pm, RTÉ 1)
Ireland’s Favourite Christmas Toys (8.30pm, TV3)

Wednesday 23^rd
Friends (8.30am, CH4)
P!nk: Funhouse Live (10.55am, CH4)
The Simpsons (5pm, CH4)
Sabrina The Teenage Witch (5.35pm, RTÉ 2)
The Simpsons (6pm, RTÉ 2)
Friends (6pm, TV3)
All Ireland Talent Show (7pm, RTÉ 2)
Emmerdale (7pm, TV3, UTV)
Fair City (7.30pm, RTÉ 1)
TOTP2: Christmas Special 2009 (7.30pm, BBC 2)
Gossip Girl (8.30pm, TG4)
True Blood (10pm, CH4)

Christmas Eve
Friends (8am, CH4)
The Snowman (1.35pm, CH4)
Jamie’s Family Christmas (4.10pm)
The Simpsons (6pm, 8.35pm, RTÉ 2)
Deal or no Deal: Scrooge or Santa (6.45pm, CH4)
Eastenders (7.30pm, RTÉ 1)
Fair City (8pm, RTÉ 1)
Emmerdale (8pm, TV3, UTV)
Coronation Street (8.30pm, TV3, UTV)
My Family (8pm, BBC 1)
Father Ted Christmas Special (9pm, RTÉ 2)
QI (10pm, BBC 1)

Christmas Day
Friends (8.25am, CH4)
The Simpsons (10am, CH4)
Emmerdale (6pm, TV3, UTV)
Fair City (6.05pm, RTÉ 1)
Coronation Street (7pm, TV3, UTV)
Eastenders (7.55pm, RTÉ 1)
Pat Shortt’s Mattie (9.05pm, RTÉ 1)

(There are mainly movies on Christmas Day, see below for film listings)

St. Stephen’s Day
Friends (8.55am, CH4)
Scrubs (12.50pm, CH4)
X Factor-The Winner’s Story (6.45pm, UTV)
Ant and Dec’s Christmas Show (7.45pm, UTV)
Eastenders (8pm, RTÉ 1)
Winning Streak (8.35pm, RTÉ 1)
All Star Family Fortunes (8.45pm, TV3)
Decoded: Dan Brown’s Lost Symbol (9pm, CH4)
The Real Da Vinci Code (10pm, CH4)

Sunday 27^th
Friends (8.55am, CH4)
The Simpsons (3.45pm, CH4)
Dancing on Ice: The Story of Bolero with Torvill and Dean (6pm, UTV)
Celebrity Mastermind (7.30pm, BBC 1)
Top Gear (7.45pm, BBC 2)
Fair City (8pm, RTÉ 1)
Pat Shortt, Inside the Crystal Ball (8.30pm, RTÉ 1)
Tommy and Hector’s Craic House (9.25pm, RTÉ 2)
Stephen Gately: A Picture of You (10.30pm, RTÉ 1)
Match of the Day 2 (10.45pm, BBC 2)

Monday 28^th
Will & Grace (7.35am, CH4)
Friends (8.25am, CH4)
The Simpsons (6pm, CH4)
The Simpsons (6.05pm, RTÉ 2)
Emmerdale (7pm, TV3, UTV)
Coronation Street (7.30, 8.30pm, TV3, UTV)
Top Gear (7.45pm, BBC 2)
Eastenders (7.55pm, RTÉ 1)
RTÉ Sport on Two: Ireland’s Grand Slam Journey 2009 (8pm, RTÉ 2)
The Greatest Songs of the Noughties (9.30pm, CH4)
The Late Late Show (9.30pm, RTÉ 1)
Dara O’Briain Live at the Theatre Royal (10.55pm, BBC 2)

Tuesday 29^th
Will & Grace (7.35am, CH4)
Friends (9am, CH4)
The Simpsons (6pm, CH4)
Emmerdale (7pm, TV3, UTV)
The Love of Money (7pm, RTÉ 2)
Eastenders (7.30pm, RTÉ 1)
Fair City (8pm, RTÉ 1)
Scrubs (8pm, RTÉ 2)
Out of Their Hands: Ireland’s World Cup Journey (8.30pm, RTÉ 2)
Gordon Ramsey’s F Word (9pm, CH4)
The Great Noughties Quiz (9.30pm, RTÉ 1)
QI XL (10.55pm, BBC 2 )

Wednesday 30^th
The Simpsons (6pm, CH4, RTÉ 2)
News Review of the Year 2009 (6.30pm, RTÉ 1)
Fair City (7.30pm, RTÉ 1)
Emmerdale (7.30pm, TV3, UTV)
Top TV Moments of the Year 2009 (8pm, TV3)
The Turin Shroud: New Evidence (8pm, CH4)
Things The Went Boom in the Bust (8pm, RTÉ 1)
Republic of Telly (9pm, RTÉ 2 )

New Year’s Eve
The Simpsons (6pm, RTÉ 1, CH4)
Emmerdale (7pm, 8pm TV3, UTV)
Eastenders (7.30pm, RTÉ 1)
Fair City (8pm, RTÉ 1)
RTÉ Sport on Two: Football Final 2009: Reflections (8pm, RTÉ 2)
Celebrity Winning Streak (9.15pm, RTÉ 1)
All Ireland Talent Show New Year’s Eve Special (11.35pm, RTÉ 1)

New Year’s Day
Ireland’s Biggest Hits 2009 (6.25pm, RTÉ 1)
Emmerdale (7pm, TV3, UTV)
Behind Closed Doors (7.25pm, RTÉ 1)
Eastenders (7.55pm, RTÉ 1)
Celebrity Deal or No Deal (8pm, TV3)
Coronation Street (8.30pm, TV3, UTV)
The Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2009 (9.05pm, CH4)
QI (9pm, BBC 1)
The Late Late Show (12.30am, RTÉ 1)

Best of the Movies At a Glance:
Here you will find listings for any films that I mentioned above, as well as the films I reckon will appeal to most people, including children’s movies and the classics.

Saturday 19^th
Jack Frost (1.25pm, UTV)
Hook (3.20pm, RTÉ 2)
Dances With Wolves (4.30pm, BBC2)
Love Actually, (9pm UTV)

Sunday 20^th
The Nightmare Before Christmas (11.30 BBC2)
The Spy Who Loved Me (1.55pm, RTÉ 2)
War of the Buttons (3.15pm, TV3)
Matilda (4pm, CH5)
Octopussy (4.10pm, RTÉ 2)
Practical Magic (9.30pm TV3)
An American Haunting (11.05pm, CH5)

Monday 21^st
The Muppet Christmas Carol (4.25 CH5)
Pulp Fiction (12.30am, TG4)
The Amityville Horror (2.30pm, RTÉ 2)

Tuesday 22^nd
Tristan and Isolde (1.55pm, C4)
Dreamgirls (9pm, RTÉ 2)
Bad Santa (9pm, TV3)

Wednesday 23^rd
James and the Giant Peach (12.05pm, C4)
Lilo and Stitch (1.35pm, RTÉ 2)
The Ant Bully (3pm, RTÉ 2)
Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason (9pm UTV)
The Bridges of Madison County (12.30am, RTÉ 1)

Christmas Eve
The Beverly Hillbillies (11.05am, RTÉ 1)
The Muppet Christmas Carol (12.25 TG4)
Titanic (1.40pm, RTÉ 1)
Miracle on 34^th Street (5.50 TV3)
Shrek 2 (5.45pm, BBC 1)
Corpse bride (6pm UTV)
Happy Feet (6.30pm, RTÉ 2)
Slither (12.10am, C4)

Christmas Day
Anna and The King (8am, TV3)
The Santa Clause (12.25pm, BBC 1)
The Polar Express (1.10pm, UTV)
Richie Rich (3.05pm, TV3)
Harry Potter and the Order of The Phoenix (3.50pm, RTÉ 1)
Into the West (7.20pm, TG4)
Once (9pm, RTÉ 2)
Into the West (7.20pm, TG4)
The Devil Wears Prada (9.30pm, RTÉ 1)
Gladiator (11.15pm, UTV)
My Left Foot (12.20am, RTÉ 2)

St. Stephen’s Day
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (12.40pm, RTÉ 1)
Casablanca (1.45pm, TG4)
Live and Let Die (3.55pm, RTÉ 2)
The World is not Enough (6.15pm, RTÉ 2)
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (5.30pm, RTÉ 1)
Intermission (9pm, TG4)
Evan Almighty (9pm, TV3)
The Holiday (10pm, RTÉ 1)

Sunday 27^th
Annie (1.50pm, TV3)
Chicken Run (3.05, BBC 1)
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (3pm, RTÉ 1)
Moonraker (3.45pm, RTÉ 2)
Babel (9pm, RTÉ 2)
The Holiday (9pm, UTV)

Monday 28^th
The Land Before Time (9.15am, RTÉ 2)
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1pm, RTÉ 1)
Rabbit Proof Fence (1.55pm, TG4)
Tomorrow Never Dies (3.40, RTÉ 1)
Pride and Prejudice (4.20, UTV)
What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? (5pm, 3e)
Brokeback Mountain (10.10 RTÉ 2)
The Graduate (1.30am, RTÉ 1)

Tuesday 29^th
Return to Neverland (10.55am, BBC 1)
Father of the Bride (11.00 TG4)
102 Dalmatians (2.35pm, BBC 1)
GoldenEye (3.30pm, RTÉ 1)
Sister Act 2 (4.10pm, BBC 1)
Chicken Run (4.25pm, RTÉ 2)
Sliding Doors (11.40pm, RTÉ 1)
Silent Hill (11.50, RTÉ 2)

Wednesday 30^th
Alice in Wonderland (2.55pm, CH5)
Mrs. Doubtfire (3.25, RTÉ 1)
Mary Poppins (3.35, BBC 1)
The Man with the Golden Gun (3.45pm, RTÉ 2)
The Butcher Boy (10pm, TG4)

New Year’s Eve
The Count of Monte Christo (9am, RTÉ 1)
The Ant Bully (12.40pm, BBC 1)
Murder on the Orient Express (1.30pm, UTV)
Princess Diaries 2 (2.15pm, BBC 1)
The Mask of Zorro (3.05pm, TV3)
Finding Neverland (3.25pm, RTÉ 1)
Superman (3.55pm, UTV)
Madagascar (4pm, BBC 1)
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (4.30pm, TG4)
Pirates of the Caribbean 2 (8pm, BBC 1)
Kisses (9pm, TV3)
Moulin Rouge (11.30pm, TV3)

New Year’s Day
Muppet Treasure Island (11.05am, BBC 1)
Some Like it Hot (12.30pm, UTV)
Shark Tale (1.55pm BBC 1)
ET (3.05, RTÉ 1)
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (4.15pm, TG4)
Willy Wonka (4.40pm, UTV)
The Departed (9.30pm, RTÉ 1)
Gladiator (9.30pm, TV3)
The Most Fertile Man in Ireland (10pm, TG4)
La Vie en Rose (10.30pm, RTÉ 2)
Sweet Home Alabama (10.55pm, BBC 1)

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