Most people in long-term relationships have to admit there are times that their sex lives can be a little routine, lacklustre or even absent. Sometimes it’s stress, sometimes it can be from injury or physical illness or even depression. Maybe it happens because we just become so damn busy with everything else.

It’s easy, I think, for women in sensible shoes (and those in spectacular shoes too) to spend their days and evenings and nights at productive tasks. And when there is free time, there’s always that Judith Butler book beside the bed, on top of several dozen other books you really do want to read. At the end of the day, sex can seem like just one more book you really do want to read, and despite knowing the (um, literary) joy that awaits, you just never find the time.

To encourage everyone to get around to the all-important (ahem) reading, I’ve come up with some suggestions.

First, for those of you who find conflicting monthly cycles a frustration, learn to love menstrual cups. Sure, there are things you can’t do with them inserted, but you can do quite a lot. It’s mess-less and unlike tampons, menstral cups don’t absorb your natural lubrication. You can get mooncups online and at chemists.

Next, and I know it sounds trite, but “date night” is a must for all couples. Make reservations, and a special effort to look your best. Tell her how amazing she looks, and turn your phone on silent so you won’t be distracted from focusing on her all evening. (Yes, you have to leave the house. Takeaway is not a date. Also, if any portion of your food is served in paper or you eat with plastic utensils, it doesn’t count.) And yes, it’s sort of like scheduling sex, and isn’t very spontaneous. But I assure you, the more often you “hit that” (even scheduled), the more likely you are to “hit that” unexpectedly on a rainy Sunday afternoon… in the car.

You could always brighten the work day, and set the stage for the evening’s entertainment by texting your beloved that you are indeed wearing that daring lingerie she bought you for your birthday.

And kids, Melissa Etheridge recommends role-play. That’s right.

Baby whatcha doing tonight
I’ll go anywhere that you wanna go
I’ll jump into my car
Go down to that bar
Pretend I’m someone that you don’t know

(“Kiss Me” from her album Lucky)

Who am I to argue? Really though, you might find that pretending helps remove the more mundane conversation points. If you have only just met, you don’t need to discuss the dog’s most recent stomach troubles, now do you? Who would say that to someone they had just met? Melissa Etheridge is indeed a wise lesbian.

And finally, get some inspiration. Whether it comes from some raunchy fanfiction, BBC historical dramas, a Rachel Maddow podcast, women’s tennis highlights or simply vivid daydreams of a friskier time, inspiration is the beginning of your mutual perspiration.