It’s Valentine’s Day, named after the Christian saint. You know, Christians, who say that homosexuality is an unnatural abomination.

So, here’s a list of God’s creatures in respect of which homosexual behaviour has been observed, both in the wild and in captivity. (That’s a tenuous link between V-Day and this article, but I don’t care.) Hooray!

So, here goes:

First off, there are a whole host of insects and invertebrates where such behaviour has been observed. But they’re not pretty, cute or intriguing so I’m skipping over them.

To the higher animals, then, we can include turtles, tortoises and geckos, among others. The desert tortoise (Gopherus agassizii) is native to the Mojave Desert in North America. Quite what a tortoise thinks it’s doing in a desert, I just don’t know, but in any event it’s a gayer. It’s also rather cute, and unfortunately its conservation status (which ranks how threatened species are with extinction) is listed as vulnerable.

There is also the wood turtle (Glyptemys insculpta), again to be found in North America, in wooded areas (as the name suggests) near ponds, streams and rivers. Another animal from this continent displaying such behaviour? Clearly this is a sign of America’s godless depravity.

And look at this wee gecko! isn’t it cute? Depicted here is the gold dust day gecko (Phelsuma laticauda laticauda), because it’s purty. Same-sex behaviour has been observed, however, in the slightly more dull-coloured mourning gecko (Lepidodactylus lugubris) and western banded gecko (Coleonyx variegatus).

Birds have been known to form committed same-sex relationships that can involve sex, migrating and living together, and raising young together. These include flamingoes, penguins, black swans (Cygnus atratus) and the wonderfully named Guianan cock-of-the-rock (Rupicola rupicola).

And finally, to the mammals. (Woo! Go mammals! etc.) Apart from humans, but of course, homosexual behaviour is known in dolphin, whales, elephants, bears, domestic cats and dogs, the notorious and matriarchal bonobo monkeys, macaque monkeys, and cheetahs, among many other species. The enthusiastic females of the kob antelope (Kobus kob) perform oral sex on each other and even stroke each other’s vulvas with their forelegs. Lovely!

Remember, if it’s not natural it’s not right. (Ergo, for example, lethal snake venom: okay! Synthetic medication: not okay! And so on..)

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