Bed, Breakfast, Bigotry
Tags: When I came out to my mom, she sort of “lost it”. And, contrary to the wise and calm predictions of so many of my friends, she has never actually “found it”. My mom is not ok with her daughter being gay and she probably never will be.
That’s not to say things haven’t improved. It helps immensely that my parents quite like the woman I married, and they do treat her like one of the family.
However, when we stay with them, we are offered the room with two twin beds. I will admit this is an improvement over before we were married (although I’m not sure that had anything to do with it) when we were offered two separate rooms. It’s my parents’ house, and I, although family, am a guest there. Specifying sleeping arrangements is entirely their right.
So, on the rare holiday that does not include a trip to the parents, the last thing I’m going to risk is dodgey sleeping arrangements.
Every year, there’s a story about some ridiculous bed & breakfast owner refusing business that might offend them. And we’re not just talking about the gays. Unmarried straight couples sometimes get turned away as well. It is, however, harder for a gay or lesbian couple to pretend to be married.
Most recently of course, there is the case in the UK of a middle-aged couple who were turned away from the Swiss B&B by a its religious owners who apparently believe gay couples should mention that they are gay when making reservations, so they can be told to get lost ahead of time.
I have no problem with people holding their own beliefs, no matter how crazy they seem to me. I once believed all kinds of crazy things myself. However, the Amish bus driver rule must apply in this situation.
target=”_blank” onclick=”javascript:pageTracker._trackPageview (‘/outbound/www.youtube.com’);”>Amish Bus Driver Rule: that Amish people, and anyone else with a religious conviction against the internal combustion engine, simply have no business applying for a job as a bus driver.
definition from The Convert Rationing Blog
Quite frankly, if you have issues with people doing things in your home (non-criminal things) in the privacy of a room they have paid for, you have no business operating public accommodations of any kind: hotel, bed & breakfast or otherwise.
But the reality is, plenty of people continue to discriminate against others when it comes to accommodation in particular. I’m sure this has something to do with with the perception that unmarried couples and gays alike are compulsively hyper-sexual, taking every opportunity, private or otherwise, to do unthinkable things to each other. These business people don’t seem put off by what straight married couples might get up to in their rooms. As a married person, I can exclusively reveal that it doesn’t actually change.
That said, I never stay in B&Bs, and it’s because of all these stories, which I’m sure represent the minority of B&B owners. Still, why would I risk it? Unless a B&B states specifically that they are gay friendly, I opt for the nearest large hotel with charmingly disinterested staff.
What about you?
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I always go for a hotel, the B&B’s in Ireland are just too local for my liking, never tried one abroad. We were lucky with the few that we did stay in, we came across no homophobia of any kind, before we learned its much better with a hotel (having to push the twin beds together is always such fun
).
There was the one lady who upon seeing us come in exclaimed , “oh you’re 2 girls, and sure its only a double bed, will ye be okay with that?” We said we’d manage
Reminds me of a job I had where I had to live on-site. They said, “Since this is our business, we can’t allow you to have boyfriends stay the night, for appearances.”
I said, “No problem, is it ok if a friend stays the night from time to time?”
They had no problem with that, for about a year, when a client figured out the weekend I’d hitched to the city was the gay pride parade weekend.
Stayed in very plush 5 star last year for my birthday and receptionist kept asking me whether we wanted a double (I had booked double) or twin felt like saying frak the frak off.
Staying in a B+B is quite frankly bonkers in my opinion – it’s someone’s home for starters, and its far too local as webmaster points out- I’d feel on edge the whole time I was there, trying not to spill or break anything – and they totally lack the anonymity and come-and- go-as- you-like nature of a hotel.
Myself and the misses were on a group trip to Germany earlier this year – we’d booked a hotel online, and when we were checking in at the reception I kept asking the guy to make sure it was a double bed. Then again, given that the guy was a bromo, and we were all but two of us a gaggle of gays, I think it was okay. (Yay for Germany!)
I’ve never had any problems so far, here or abroad, with hotels but is there a listings guide for gay friendly hotels etc. in Ireland?
Myself and the other half have had nothing but hassle nearly everytime we have stayed somewere. Including when we recently booked in for a Valentines overnight stay in Dublin. After much hassle we had to explain and we still ended up with the most uncomfortable twin bed room in the place and this was a fairly major hotel chain. Its the explaining that gets to me. Why should I explain? If I walked in hanging off a lad it would be assumed its a double but two women? God no not in catholic Ireland! And not to mention the cost. It ends it costing more for two twin beds that you dont want and have all the pleasure of having to shove together to try and cuddle for the night. A sure fire passion killer. Is there a list of gay friendly accomodation in Ireland? Glad I got t hat rant off my chest
Seriously, name and shame, Mel!
That’s ridiculous. I have to say, I’ve never had that problem in a hotel, but B&Bs scare me so much, I’ve never tried.
I agree, Mel, name and shame. (Or, if you prefer, email us at: info @ gaelick . com)
Also, take the Dublin hotel to the Equality Tribunal: http://www.equalitytribunal.ie/
You were discriminated against, had to pay for the privilege, and in the end pay more than any other couple.
That’s just horrible.
Thanks for the advice but maybe the person at the desk was just having a bad day? Trust me if it happens again I will write the name in huge rainbow letters or invite as many gay people as I can to this hotel. That would be fun lol.
[...] that long ago CanuckJacq blogged about the bigotry we LGBTQ’s have to put up with when we arrive at our holiday [...]