When a same-sex couple, or an LGBT person decides that he or she wants to adopt a child they jump into a scary place. There is very little information out there about what you can expect, what your rights are, what the child’s rights are and so on. If it’s hard to get information, getting support is even more of a challenge.

We all know gay people are adopting and raising children but no one seems to talk about the logistics of it. How? Where? Who? What? It’s in the interest of making things a bit more manageable, and dispelling some myths that some friends decided to set up the website IrishPinkAdoptions.com.

Apparently the name of the site has raised some eyebrows, something which one of the organisers explains:

I know that the term “pink” is raising one or two eyebrows in the Irish LGBT community. There has always been a contention on the use of that color to symbolize the LGBT community as a whole. But you can never please everyone. The idea has come from the title of a UK resource: The Pink Guide to Adoption.

But let’s get serious here; who cares what it’s called? This site is a first for our community; a supporting place for parents who adopt and people hoping to do so.

The site was set up by a guy who has been thinking about adoption with his partner for a while. Still in the “consideration” phase, he realised that most of the resources available were British or American, and that most were very much hetero-centric, and more than often mother-centric.

So, where do you start? There is so much to know and find out.

The idea is to start with the following core features:

• Explain the existing process for inter-country adoption;
• Explain and help with some of the documentation that is needed throughout the process;
• Help with some of the concepts and tools used during the assessment (for instance we found a very good tool to create a family tree, which allows a man to marry a man. Very few applications allow it, and some don’t even allow to have adopted children…);
• Offer a forum where a community of like-minded people can share information about adoption, and discuss their interests;
• Offer an outlet to share the experience in the community: for instance, “how has your relationship with ‘the scene’ changed since you have started the process, and after the arrival of the child?”
• List and review the reading and viewing suggested by the Adoption Authority;
• List and review ‘pink’ resources, and try to see how relevant to Ireland and to “pink” families they are. Some are useless, some are essential reading.

It’s a big ask for any volunteer to take on, so they are starting small and planning to grow. Understandably, starting off the site is mainly the guys who set it up and people they know, but everyone is welcome.

To get more feminine input, we will need more female involvement. And we also welcome contributions from any “pink” household who has, is, or will be adopting: a lot of the challenges are common, and so are the rewards.

This site is starting as a way to share the information gathered so far, but also to help in the decision to move to the next step.

You may ask “what can our readers do?” First they can visit the site and refer it to others: they might find it interesting, even if they are not a ‘pink’ household.

Second, they can have a look at the testimonial pages and pick as many or as few questions as they want, and simply contribute.

http://irishpinkadoptions.com/reference-material/your-story/

Even better, they can register.

As LGBTs start to get more rights, we can be more open about our family situations. We also expect more from the society we live in. From teens upwards, gay people are more confident, less apologetic for being ourselves and less likely to accept legal limitations. And when it comes to adoption there are many such limitations.

Adoption cannot be a political statement, so we need to know – and let the LGBT community know – what are the chances of a couple of men being assessed together as a gay couple? Only one can adopt, but both are assessed. This alone proves that the HSE knows very well that this can be the best option for some children.

The big question is: why is the law such an ass about it, and still assumes that the only valid parents are a married heterosexual couple, when the HSE has practically demonstrated that we are fit parents?

At present, the HSE does not discriminate against LGBT people when it comes to adoption. They are treated the exact same as any unmarried couple.

With the new Civil Partnership legislation on the horizon, this will not change. We may be partnered legally but we still won’t be married.

[Irish Pink Adoptions] totally agree with LGBTNoise and Marriage Equality that nothing short of civil marriage (the only valid marriage in the land) will protect the right of children raised in “pink” households.

Also we think that there is no need to change the constitution in order to open marriage to same-gender couples. The constitution does not define the family in term of gender, or of fertility, but in term of households raising children.

The rights of same-gender couples will be increased by the Civil Partnership Bill. But they will also be frozen in time. No more progress will be allowed, because “we got that bit about taxes and separation”.

The segresation comes from the Oireachtas and from the Government. They deny us marriage, the basis of family according to the Consitiution. They do not allow us to have the same treatment as any married couple who is not a fertile couple. They would not get away with preventing infertile men or women from marrying… but they get away with preventing us.

And this is not a question of gay rights:  it is a question of children’s rights. Without marriage, the children brought up in a “pink” household are denied the constitutional protection of having married parents. Marriage is foremost about raising children in a household: it is not about raising biological children only.

The  guys at Irish Pink Adoption are understandably passionate about the rights of gay parents and are doing their bit by concentrating on one part of what is a minefield.

The objective of the site is certainly not to give “legal advice”. Some of our future members might be lawyers, and some may want to set up such an agency. We can only be a catalyst.

The site will outline what you need to know before embarking into the long and strenuous journey towards adoption. It will also be used to collect testimonials from people who have been there, and done that. Or part of it. This would be the most valuable contribution of this site, if people join in and share. That is also why we apply a 100% rule of anonymity.

The site itself will concentrate on inter-country adoption, because that is pretty much the only option for gay couples who are not family members of the adopted child. Domestic adoption is very much restricted, unless a deceased parent wanted you to have custody.

Gay couples adopting abroad face the challenge of a domestic assessment, and then the hardship of finding a country that will allow the “single”, gay parent to adopt. That last bit is actually the hardest… getting assessed is not that hard because the HSE cares for the best interest of the children.

Following a report on the implementation of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, the Ferns Report, and the Government has been talking about having a Referendum on Children’s rights for some time now. Best case scenario for “pink” households is that this could protect children in same-sex partnerships. It could also take away the “what about the children” stick that is often used to beat back proposals for gay marriage.

The Referendum on Children’s Rights may help allow introducing the idea that the marital status of potential adoptive parents does not matter. If the marital status of the birth parents does not matter, and if the rights of the child do not depend on the marital status of their parents, then marriage may no longer be needed to protect the children of pink families and the Civil Partnership could be enough.

That may mean a change of policy in the future and the possibility for LGBT couples to adopt as a couple. At present they can only adopt as a sole applicant, and are then assessed as a couple.

But that is a very optimistic view of how the Law will follow from the suggested changes. It means trusting the government. This is not quite in the letter of the suggested amendment, and I doubt that it is in its spirit.

As you can see, “pink” parents have much to consider and that’s just the legal side of things. Then there are the things normal parents have to worry about. Sites like IrishPinkAdoptions.com are not just a positive addition to our community, but essential resources for any “pink” household.

IrishPinkAdoptions.com

Alternative Parents Ireland

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