Everyday Homophobes
Tags: 
There you are, minding your own business and suddenly you hear it; some idiot spouting uninformed tosh about LGBTs. What do you do? Today, I did nothing except get angry. Very angry. Now I’m angry at myself for not saying anything.
I’d always be one for speaking out and have done in the past, shaming people into realising that they haven’t a bog’s notion of LGBT issues/people. But this was in work, so sensitive, and I was completely unprepared. We are talking about a workplace with a Diversity Committe, so most people are open-minded.
I was at lunch in the canteen with my workmates to whom I am out and open. They are all grand and couldn’t give a monkey’s, just as it should be. However, there were three people sitting at the same long table, chatting away to each other about gays. But it’s ok, because they know gay people.
Some of the choice phrases about gay men:
It must be so hard to meet people as they only have two pubs.
You’d want to be out of your head (implying drugs) to go to these places, they are hardcore
They meet on the internet
There’s always one in the relationship who wants the domestic ideal and one who wants an open relationship
They are so much fun!
The three people in question all said they know gay men. Emmm……no you don’t. The stereotypes they believe and the patronising tone shout out “I met a gay once, he seemed nice” or “I have the Will & Grace box-set”.
No one who has any gay friends would believe any of the above. The scene is pub-centred sure, but gay men don’t all go to boogie in lycra in The George every night. The image of the gay man as addicted to sexual gratification also seems rife, until they ‘settle down’, then it’s just the, and I quote, “fairy” in the relationship who wants to bake while the other shags his ass off.
They saved their best for us lezzers though. Prepare for ire – you’ve been warned:
I don’t understand lesbians. They hate men but want to be men
They all have really short hair
I’d love to know a lesbian, just to get the inside track
They’re all feminists
Where do you start? Ok, most lesbians are feminists but not the ball-chopping, kill all men variety. All women are feminists too, by their very insistence for equality.
We hate men. No and I hate this myth! I love men, I love their energy, their sensibility, their balance of fierceness and softness - I just don’t want to have sex with one. Just like straight women and other women. They’re fab, good mates, great fun and I love many men. Lack of attraction does not equal hate.
We want to be men? No! I am a woman – all woman baby 
Being a woman is a powerful thing, there is a primal strength to it that fascinates me. My gender is not an issue.
Cameron Diaz and her lesbian hair
The hair thing, what is it with the hair thing? Ok, some lesbians have short hair, but some straight woman have short hair, some lesbians have long hair, some straight women have long hair, some lesbians have medium-length….
My favourite. “I’d love to know a lesbian, just to get the inside track”. What? How dare you! Would you like to know a black person, an American person, an Indian person oh! a person of mixed-race just to spice it up a little?
The thing that really gets my goat is that these three people would never in a million years consider themselves to be homophobic. They wouldn’t shout “fag!” at us in the street and probably think we deserve the same rights as they do. Gee thanks. It’s a pity that thought and understanding aren’t on their list.
Let’s not straight-bash though. I was angry and ranted to my workmate about it. Her thoughts “it’s pure ignorance, you can’t educate everyone”. I know she’s right, but maybe I had the opportunity to educate these three people and let that chance pass, just so I didn’t make my workmates, or myself, uncomfortable.
What do you think? Shout loud or blog in anger? I know I should’ve said something, being afraid to leave my comfort zone just isn’t good enough. I think that I was so shocked I was dumb. What should I have said?
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=7105ad4e-8f0b-49f6-9a8f-bf800a785dfd)
Popularity: 2% [?]
No related posts.
Loading ...
I saw a lesbian with long hair once. Though it might have been a wig. You lesbians are sneaky!
[...] thing, there is a primal strength to it that fascinates me. My gender is not an issue.gaelick.com, Everyday Homophobes | gaelick, Apr [...]
Must’ve been one of those bis
Don’t beat yourself up. While I wish it weren’t so, there are days when I let casual misogyny, homophobia or racism slide because I don’t have the energy to take someone to task. There’s so much ignorance to fight, and you are certainly doing a lot of fighting.
You’ll know exactly what to say next time.
This kind of thing happens from time to time doesn’t it. Something similar happened at the table near me at work just before xmas and when they started everyone at my table froze and looked at me, then we all started laughing.
It sometimes surprises me the ideas straight people have about us but what can we do? Only come out and show them they are wrong (except when they said gay men are fun, they were right on that one)
Ah no, Gooner, I know some gay men who are boring, miserable bastards.
(Just joking..)
I agree with DL – I suppose it’s a case of either choosing your battles, or just simply having the energy. But seeing as this is something that has clearly stayed with you, HAL, the next time you see those three meeting again, you can have a word in their ear. (And tell ‘em it has the backing of The Gay Agenda.)
Panti – I think you might be on to something there. I know that people get seriously confused by my untamed mane. I even once got accused by a good lesbo-pal of possessing a STRAIGHT handbag. But I can assure everyone, I’m not trying to be sneaky. Honest!
Sneaky bitch Clicky
Thanks guys for the support. You bet your (tight and high) arses I’ll be ready next time.
Your friend is completely right; “you can’t educate everyone”.
It’s kind of funny actually… I know quite a few lesbians who look down on me, and other bisexuals, because we’re “greedy” and are just “putting on a show for the lads” and are “indecisive”.
Personally, I’m afraid to tell LGBT people that I like guys because I might be judged, and I’m afraid to tell straight people I like girls because I might be judged. I am attracted to the person, not the genitalia. That said, I find it all quite fascinating and fun to play with.
Ok, so I’m a big scaredy cat and am stuck in a closet whether I’m out or in, but my point is valid; even homos can be LGBTs can be LGBT-phobic.
That’s an important point you make, Colli – biphobia and transphobia are unfortunately too common in the “community,” be that comments to overt discrimination. There’s certainly an attitude – not all people share it, but it’s there – that if you’re bi, you’re being “greedy” as you say, or else that you’re not fully out of the closet. It’s highly insulting.
I know a lesbian w/really,really long hair that her partner of 10+ yrs would kill if she cut it off!! she also adores her many male friends. and straight friends and others whom?? who cares what?? That lesbian happens to be me. Don’t fret and don’t fight is my motto unless someone threatens your girl(who is beautiful w/her short blonde “do” and still looks like a woman. peacebridge
I agree with you in most of the text. But I will wan’t to add some things. Maybe you were right not trying to educate them. Protecting your self is more important, and maybe you are wrong about them not been homophobics. In the other hand I read this: “All women are feminists too …”. Is the same error: Not all women care about equality, most don’t. They want to destroy male -privilege (with that I agree) but don’t want to touch theirs. They even say: There is no such thing as they hit there boyfriends. Also a lot of people will die for equality, but they are not feminists: They are not socialists, or maybe they think that social fight dynamics is a failed model.
Note: As a black men I have seen the froze Gooner experience a lot. Is fun in an unsetting way
by the way sorry abut the bad english. I am learning the language .
I have to say your friend is right. I get a similar sort of reaction from friends when I correct their assumptions about my (non existent) heterosexuality because I don’t fall into the stereotype at all. Oh, I never thought it. Oh I am so sorry (whats there to be sorry about?) You don’t look like one. I didn’t realise. The reactions from guys are general far more off the mark – I do get the occasional inappropriate question, but generally only when they are fairly drunk.
Now I do think that some of this is really down to the fact that a very visible minority of us act out these stereotypes (which are not bad in themselves – its ok for a gay man to be a total fairly, its fine for a lesbian to be a complete stone butch) and this is all these folks “see.”
sorry dude,
but i agree with a lot of those stereotypes (about the lads only)
they really are just impressions of what people percieve gay lads to be. not all hold those characteristics but many do and therefore are catagorized asuch! plus, it is common practice for lads to meet online, to be ‘off their face’ (not all, but some) and some of my straight friends intentionaly get ‘off their face’ when going go to the george to fit in! people adapt to their environment-there is a definite subculture; it does exist!
these stereotypes are not particulary negative. people meeting online, taking drugs etc…none of these dimensions are a big deal in 2010, surely?!plus myself included (as i am single) would on a night out belive: to find a ’hook-up’ -and to avoid all the guff of uncertainty that a straight or pseudo straight bar provides, i would feel i would only have “like two pubs to go to guarantee a score”. with this in mind, it is easy to see how the silly hetros would perceive this also–oops did i just insert an advertent stereotype there?-
peoples ignorance is mostly just innocence and not at all stereotype threat…
now i must go and find some wibbly bits to play with
laz (.) (.)
-providing lesoloutions since 1999