Can a lesbian ever enjoy sex with a man?


Can a lesbian ever enjoy sex with a man?

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9 Comments

  1. Violetpickles

    Depends why the sex is happening, if it’s purely physical it’s not that different to strap-on sex with a woman. However if there is an emotional connection then that’s different. I’m 100% lesbian but I slept with men when I was in denial… Doesn’t make me bi… And have no desire to do so now ;)

  2. Gooner

    My feeling on this is that no she can’t, but to each there own. some people can separate the physical so fair enough

    Sexuality isn’t black and white for a lot of people

  3. okitty

    It depends… on the context, the man, the lesbian. It depends on how she defines lesbian. I think there is huge pressure to declare our sexuality in an either/ or way – as if there were two boxes – homo and het – and we had to tick one. I think Kinsey had it right with the spectrum and most of us fall somewhere in the middle, not necessarily right smack in the middle.

  4. I’ve slept with men. Only since I came out as gay and — because I think it does make a difference — I’ve never slept with a straight guy or in any kind of straight situation.

    I tend to identify as queer more than as lesbian anyway, because I think it better speaks to my own gender issues as well as sexuality and because, more and more, I’m thinking that these old labels are dead.

    We don’t need more rules.

  5. tabula rasa

    I have never slept with a guy, but I think that it doesn’t matter-it’s all about how you self-identify.

  6. toffeesprite

    As has been commented on above, it depends on what you mean by ‘lesbian’. People can call themselves what they like but it doesn’t mean that’s what they are. You fancy who you fancy. People have romantic, sexual feelings for whomsoever they have them. It’s possible to deny or repress those feelings, but, if you don’t have them then you don’t have them.
    I’m heading into my sixties and I’ve never had feelings for men. I’ve met loads of women who are like me, despite having been brought up groomed and socialised to be hetero. Nobody mentioned the word lesbian when I was growing up and nobody would have known what that was. I knew I was ‘different’ and that the feelings I had weren’t acceptable, without knowing why and what it was all about. Also, I’ve met a good number of women who didn’t have feelings for other women and only fancied men.
    One of the problems for women like me is that we didn’t choose our name. Hetero society named us lesbian. So we’re defined by straight society and that’s how we are viewed. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with only fancying women and not fancying men. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with being bisexual or straight. It’s straight society that has had the problem with difference, especially with women who don’t fancy men. That there are women like myself seems to be totally incomprehensible, and deemed threatening, to the heterosexual order.

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