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Fucking Trans Women

First — As you could probably discern from the title, this post is about sex. If that worries you (or your employer if you’re at work ), here’s a link to some cuddly pets.

Now, everyone else with me? Let’s talk about sex.

Sex can be complicated. It can be especially complicated when one or more of the people involved have less than happy feelings about the equipment they were born with. It can also be complicated if that equipment doesn’t behave in the way we expect it to.

Complicated, however, does not mean stressful or boring or not worth the effort. It just means you need to use your most useful sex organ of all: your brain.

Some of us have been there. You find a woman attractive and your attentions are reciprocated. You’ve discussed it. You know what to expect. You’re over it if you had a problem with it in the first place. But then you’re actually getting down to business and suddenly you’re confused. Communication, as we all know, is a big part of great sex. In the case where you may not even know where to start, communication is all you have.

Until now, the internet couldn’t even help you.

This is where the ezine “Fucking Trans Women” comes in. Written by trans dyke Miranda Bellwether, it reads like a (long, but artfully presented) letter to a lover. She wrote it because she “got tired of waiting for someone else to write it for me, so I decided to write it myself.”

Her vision is this:

Trans women are told things about our sexualities all the time, but only rarely are we given the opportunity to say something about our own sex lives. Sex is a very important part of my life, a very important part of all our lives, but so very little writing has been done on the sex lives of trans women that doesn’t write us off in one way or another. I found myself looking for a guide, an instruction manual, anything beyond essays on gender and problems. Fucking Trans Women is that guide.

Miranda doesn’t ignore gender or problems. She meets several complicated issues head-on and expresses her own personal preferences while making clear that these aren’t universal. She explains her own choice of words and admits that others will prefer things said differently. She addresses the fetishisation of trans women and the fears that lovers may feel about being a “tranny chaser” or a fetishist. She’s emotionally honest about her own stuff, too. But I think the important part is that she’s opened up this conversation.

It’s not just theoretical, either. FTW is instructional (and illustrated). The author/editor focuses in her own writing on sex with non-op or pre-op — women who still have an identifiable penis and testicles — but encourages post-op women to contribute to future issues as well.

But the project I had in mind wasn’t “Fucking Mira Bellwether,” it was Fucking Trans Women, and for that reason and many others, my hope for this zine is that it can become a collaborative project. It is designed to expand to fit the needs of all sorts of trans women by letting us talk about our own sex lives and practices with one another, and also our lovers. I hope it will become a community resource, something that we can share with our lovers and our dates to generate productive, shared conversations.

Have a look. (not even kind of safe for work)

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