It feels like years since our lovely lesbians from Lip Service were on the telly. We were told back in May that they were filming and it would be on our screens in early 2012. Then nothing. Complete radio silence. You’d think that they’d be “leaking” little bits of information to keep our appetites whetted. So I’m worried. I think they may be messing it up and the marketing department are so ashamed that they are keeping a lid on it.

You might be thinking, “What’s the worst that could happen?” and I answer “exactly!” Even Frankie is looking worried (right).

Tess realises that all women are shits and decides that all she needs is a man. There she is, in the pub with Ed and really sees him for the first time. The spend the rest of the season shagging and we have to look at hetero sex.

Cat can’t decide who she wants, Frankie or Sam. They both love her, though, so they decide to have an open relationship, only for Sam and Frankie to fall for each other. They bond over guitar lessons (left), and spend the rest of the season recording a series of songs, taking the whole “L Word in England” way too seriously.

Jay is in lots of scenes.

As Coach Sylvester would say, “horror!”

What do you think? Why the silence? It’s going to be awful isn’t it? Please tell me it won’t. Please?