Zut alors! It’s all about France v Ireland this weekend in the women’s and men’s rugby.

So, in the spirit of helpfulness and usefulness – and in case you missed our updates on Facebook and Twitter (from your abode under a rock) – here’s all you will need to know if you’re taking the horse to France for the rugby (or at any time really, let’s be honest):

Key French phrases: Part 1 (How to fake French)

Où est le centre Georges Pompidou?

Tomorrow’s women’s game against France takes place in Pau. Or as French northerners call it: T’Pau. I think someone should inform Carol Decker.

Key French phrases: Part 2 (Lessons from Bubble – at the 6 minute mark)

This is the one. No, this, this is the one..

And here’s one possible way to pass the time when you’re not at the game. (Or when you’re at the game, who’s to say?):

Écoutez bien! I weel say zees only wance.

Finally, then, you can put all that you have learned into practice! If you have men’s rugby-overload and you’re dying to find out how Ireland’s women fare when they face off against France, Monsieur Pierre Guillet and amis will be broadcasting live on Sud Radio from Hameau Stadium in Pau.

The game starts at the now earlier time of 2:30pm.