SPOILERS!!!!!!

Thanks and applause have to go to Ms Click Here for her completely hilarious recap of that episode last week. Jaysus girls, double-you tee eff! Didn’t see that coming!

So what do you do when one of your actors has to leave and you kill off the character? Well, you make sure to solidify the rest of the characters and their relationships. You make sure the ship is steady, right?

Remember when the season started, my one wish was that Frankie would have some happiness this season? So much for that. To be honest I wasn’t looking forward to this week’s installment. Anyone who’s ever lost someone knows how tough it is for weeks and months afterwards. Not something that makes good telly. If I wanted misery I’d be watching Eastenders.

Thanks for Tanks

It’s chaos in the kitchen as Tess tries to find a clean implement to use for breakfast. It turns out Sadie has been staying with them for a couple of days, and she don’t so washin’ up innit. Tess is upset over Cat, but is quite enjoying the warm hug she gets from Doctor Sexy. Is this show sponsored by the makers of vest tops? Everyone wears at least one, sometimes two at a time.

Sadie nabs a yoghurt for brekkie and brings into the room she’s sharing with her lady of sorrows. Jesus the stay eh dah! Frankie is a mess in a messy room with messy hair. Not the room, rooms don’t have hair.

And we have the best line of the show from Sadie:

Tess so needs to rub one out over Lexxy.

Oh Sadie, so true; so crude but so true. Frankie is miserable, yadda yadda. The phone rings but Frankie is too busy being emo to answer. It’s her mum, Frankie apologises for her continuing manifestation of cockness the other day and they arrange to meet.

Sam is out for a jog. That’s all she does anymore; work and jog. Is this Harriet Braun’s attempt at keeping the lady-lovers happy? Sam in spandex? A simple but effective plan. I like.  Anyway, she’s out for a run with her Dad, who is/was a cop too. He and her mum are in Glasgee to take care of poor auld Sam. They bump into Lexxy as they jog. The jog track is the new lesbian club it seems. They chat and there is a definite ‘moment’. As Lexxy jogs off, Sam’s pops asks “is she one of your lot” in exactly the same way my dad does!

When dad and daughter arrive home, mammy is giving the place a good clean, much to Sam’s annoyance. Seems like Sam just wants everyone to go away, so she can get on with her life. Not a good idea lady, you listen to yer mammy, you need to mourn and then heal.

Lexxy’s Beau Bee

Lexxy and her GBDPM (Gay Boy Doctor Pal Man) are having lunch. He seems to think that she needs to get under Sam to help her get over Cat; but your girl is a laydee and narry a thought has crossed her mind. Yeah roysh.

Lexxy has a lady, who must be in a relationship as they only meet on Wednesdays for a bit of the how’s your father (GBDPM calls it Gash Wednesday, f’narr).  Meanwhile, GBDPM is still trying and failing to get into X-Ray Boy’s jockies.

Sadie is meeting with the magazine who hired Frankie to take those pics last week. In the spirit of Click Here I shall try to get across that accent:

Lady interviewer: Who else have you written for?

Sadie: All ova raylay, mostly dah’n saff.

Lady: What sort of stuff?

Sadie: Prop’eh’ee, lifesty-oww, aw

Sadie after being caught out as no writer:  Awwight, look. Am an estay ajenn. Which is why I know woh Am talkin’ aba’. Hotel was shiiiih.

Anyway, the upshot is that her article won’t be used but if she send in other stuff, it might be. They shall shag in the near future. The subtlety of these writers is tough to read into, but they just may.

Is it just me or does Sadie look like Veda?

Off we go to the coffee shop of sadness. Again, the subtlety of the writers makes it difficult to read nuances, but I get the feeling Frankie is going to be disappointed with her mum.

Tess and Ed are having lunch and seem to be the only people in Glasgow. They’re talking about Cat and reminiscing about the stuff she did that made her less than perfect. Apparently Ed’s parents are close to canonising Cat, so Ed needs some reality. Tess decides not to share the fact that she was a two-timing whore.

Frankie, my dear, no one gives a damn

Frankie’s mum shows up and would you Adam and Steve it, mum is dumping her. Jesus Frankie, you’re a moanie auld yoke but you sure do have a lot of shite in your life. Talk about rejection.

Sam is in therapy with the actor who was in Nina’s Heavenly Delights with Cat, I mean Laura Fraser. Too much meta. Yadda yadaa, therapist psycho-babble. Afterwards, Sam bumps into her nameless partner. He offers his support. Finally, Sam has friends around her. I was worried about the poor thing.

Frankie heads off to see Cat and writes their initials on the dirt in her grave. Seriously, this like an orgy of misery. Sam arrives and asks if she was fucking Cat. Frankie, ever the gentle soul, tells her no, that Cat chose Sam.

Back at Sam’s place, Sam (in another tank top) chats to the rentals and eventually tells them to sod off, but in a nice way of course. She convinces them that she’s ok. She is so NOT ok. Repression is the devil, Sam.

Lexxy and her lady are in a bar chatting. Lady is cute! They chat and head off for a shag. What? That’s all that scene was! Oh yeah and then there was the phone call. Looks like Lexxy is getting stalked by someone. Horror!

Our lady of sorrows is looking miserably over the cityscape. Glasgow looks lovely, when I was there though I thought it was a hole. Onward!

Frankie goes home and packs quicker than any human possible. All she takes is her pooter, her phone and a couple of jackets. Seriously. I suppose she has enough emotional baggage, she’ll have to pay extra on the flight. Yes she is off, off to New York from whence she came.

In one foul swoop (and how foul!) we have lost Frankie AND Cat. People!!!! What are we to do? Plus, if both actresses wanted to go, why not send them off together into the sunset? Not this, this, this, THIS!

Adapt Hal, adapt.

Turns out poor Sadie was all in wuv wif Frankie and stuff. Aww the poor thing. She’s all upset and stuff as Frankie leaves. Tess runs after Frankie and they have a wonderful scene together. Man I love watching actors who can act. They’re like sisters who have come to a crossroads and each chooses a different path.

Sadie meanwhile is getting high and pissed. She goes to a bar and picks up a completely over the top stereotypical Italian tourist. Gabriella is smoking hot though.

Sadie and Gabriella head back to Casa SexyTess to have very, very, very loud sex in the kitchen. Just as Lexxy and Bee (her beau) are having sex in the other room. Bee is enjoying one type of honeypot and Sadie a completely different type. Ahem.

All the while, poor Tess is trying to sleep.

The next morning, the kitchen looks like, well, like two people have shagged each other all night while trying out a cornucopia of preserves and condiments. Tess is in no way impressed, her brekkie is all over the place, her radio is broken and she got no sleep. Poor lamb.

Ed and Tess in a pub talking about Frankie leaving (Ed is happy) plus Ed’s book is doing well and there is talk of a film deal. He should be over the moon but is down in the dumps for obvious reasons.

When Tess arrives home, the place is spotless and Sadie is still in her pinnie and rubber gloves. She even appropriated a radio (security tag still in place) to replace the one she fucked up. This scene is obviously introducing us to a new Lip Service dynamic; the trio in their kitchen. But I’m still grieving over my ladies, and ain’t ready to laugh along yet. Tess is still the bees kness though.

Lexxy tells us about Bee, they’re fuck buddies; Bee is married to a woman but when her wife is away she’s allowed play. It suits them both and is all very adult. It’s bound to become a train wreck in this show.

Sam is changing the sheets on her bed. Her alone. Sniff. She finds Cat’s jimjams and is all teary. But new and improved sam doesn’t cry, she just gets on with things. Good luck with that. She ends up having a panic attack. Pent-up emotion is bad, dude.

Randy runners

Tess is back to rehearsals and they’re doing all that wanky acting shite. They work to “get Tess into character” by throwing quick fire questions at her about her character. She ends up getting upset and running out of the room. Bessie bud actor dude follows her and they have a bitching session about the shit in the lives. Ah bonding.

Lexxy is out running. Again. In two of those damn tank tops.  She sees Sam and decides not to approach her. Sam sees her though and they chat, deciding to run together. Not exactly the hot and sweaty Lexxy wants, but it’ll do in a pinch.

Sadie, looking more like Veda than ever, is outside the office of yer wan who interviewed her. They go to a bar and Sadie is coming on strong. Editor lady asks what she wants, is it to be published or what.

Sadie: Nah yer doing ye’self da’hn.

Yer wan is flattered but is married and loves her wife. So much that she brings Sadie back to the office and they shag. Two married lezzers on a show and they both shag around? Nice.

Sam and Lexxy are still out on their jog. Is it a marathon? Seriously! It’s dusk and they’re still out. They part ways and Lexxy looks off into the distance. She got it bad.

Ed comes to after rehearsals drinks with Tess. Nora the bitch completely ignores him until she hears about the possible film deal. Then she’s all over him like a cheap cow. Ed couldn’t care less, he just wants to get some. So they head off for a bit of jiggery pokery.

Still on her way home in the pitch of darkness, after her day-long run, Sam stops for a moment and has another panic attack. They’re not panic attacks at all, it’s not surprising, if you run ALL DAY you’re bound to have a bloody heart attack.

Crap episode so apologies for the lack of humour in the recap. Here’s hoping we can all get over losing two great characters and get on with it.  Bloody writers.

All images are courtesy of BBC/Kudos/Tania Chalkin