Spoiler Warning! (as per)

Get up to speed on all of Fair City’s lesbian larks on RTÉ Player. The next episodes are tonight and Sunday at 8pm!

Recaps recap: First there was this. Then there was this.

Then earlier in the week our wee Twitter birdie told us this:

@gaelick Think some love might be back in the air on RTE later

— Robyn Harper (@RobynHarperGGR) July 3, 2012

And this:

@gaelick The teasing is over! Tonight’s the night that Emily (@eims_m) shows us her best lesbian moves yet! #faircity twitter.com/RobynHarperGGR…

— Robyn Harper (@RobynHarperGGR) July 4, 2012

And this:

@gaelick Did you see your mention in The Sun twitter.com/RobynHarperGGR…

— Robyn Harper (@RobynHarperGGR) July 4, 2012

Hot girl-on-girl action? In Carrigstown?

GET OUT OF MY GODDAMN WAY.

Tuesday’s ep…

First to Tuesday’s episdoe: Blah, blah, the Halpin siblings mend bridges, something, something, Laura tells Emily that the air is cleared and the laydees arrange a date.

Laura and Emily: Oh yeah! It’s date time!

So, then. Let’s get to the good stuff in Wednesday’s ep!

…And so to last night’s mid-week shenanigans

I make popcorn. Dermot calls over to Casa Damo/Laura/Wayne The Meddler. He has a fancy folder. I don’t care.

Dermot asks for Laura. Good man, Dermot. Laura’s back in lycra, where she belongs. Something about a new schedule in the Community Centre.

Dermot: The good news is all your classes are full.
Laura: Already?
Me: I don’t care!

Dermot continues:

Now we still have a few empty slots to fill…

I snot myself before he finishes his line. (#irishshadesofgrey anyone?)

Damien: So pilates is all the rage these days?

Really, Damien? Really? You had to use the P word? What’s life like as the Evil Child Of Satan?

Apparently, though, people are “specifically asking” for Laura’s classes. Keep wearing that lycra, Laura. Evidently Carrigstown is a hotbed of repressed lesbian desire.

Damien praises his wee baby sister for doing well for herself. War is over! Bless. It’s sweet.

But wait, there’s more:

Damien: I’m just glad that everything’s startin’ to work out for yeh. An I’m not jus talkin’ about the wurk.
Laura (scarleh): It’s only a date. (Then, less scarleh): Besides, I don’t even know if I’m that bothered.

Laura Halpin: Scarleh

Laura Halpin: Bovvered?

WHAT? This will not stand, Laura Halpin.

Damien: Liar.
Laura: You’re beginning to get on my nerves now.
Damien: I’ve seen the twinkle in your eye.

You tell it, Damo!

We next see Damo bumbling into Vinos or Winos or somewhere, and who’s that in the foreground?! Why, it’s only Laura and Emily silently munching and grin-gazing at one another.

…They’re munching lunch. On their lunch date! Jeeeeeeeesus. Get your filthy minds out of the gutter.

There’s lip gloss! And floofy blouse shoulder things. The two of them finish up and ask for the bill. Right away. Ah here. What about having a long, lingering, boozy lunch together?

Laura: Ah, I think we shoulda gone into town.
Emily: No, I like it here.
Laura: It’s not that exciting, though.
Emily: Laura, it’s fine.

Me: Laura, quit yer whingin’! You’re wrecking the, er, buzz. No-one likes a moan.

Well. Not that kind of a moan, inanywy.

Emily tries her hand at making conversation:

Did you and Damien manage to sort things out?

Oh Emily. Emily, Emily, Emily. It’s a date! We’re trying to lighten the mood.

Emily asks about Halpin family happenings

Srsly?

Laura: Eh, well we’re not at each other’s throats, which is a good thing. But the, eh, family stuff is kinda complicated.

Can this date get any worse?

Dermot interrupts. Fuck off, Dermot!

Dermot: Hiya Emily!

I take it back. Laura was right: they should’ve gone to town.

Dermot: Great to see you again.
Emily: And you! How’s Ben?
Dermot: Oh, he’s great, thanks, yeh. He’s over with Dolores. She insists that I have some time to myself.

Dolores is a wise woman, Dermot. Now, piss off with yerself and leave these two wans alone!

But, no, he keeps wafflin’ on. And makes to sit the feck down at the table.

Laura has no time for this gobshite.

Laura: Actually, Dermot, Emily and I…
Emily (cutting off Laura): …Are in the middle of a meeting. Eh, Laura has a friend who needs some advice.

Eh. Ya what, Emily? Laura has a “Oh gurl, I know you didn’t just say that” look on her face.

Dermot The Gobshite fecks off. Laura asks what all of us are thinking:

Laura: What was that all about?
Emily: Meself and Dermot have a professional relationship. I shouldn’t have to tell him about my personal life.

Bitch, please.

Laura (reprising the injured puppy look): You don’t want Dermot to know you’re on a date with me?
Emily: No.
Laura: Is there some problem?
Emily: No, I just like to keep my work and private life separate, that’s all.

Really, Emily? Really? So what exactly were you talking about with Dermot? What’s a Ben and a Dolores? Eh? Well? Hmm? Eh??

Laura nods in silent acquiescence. No, Laura. Just. No!

Later, we see the two of them leaving wherever that was, all smiles. So that’s something, at least.

Laura: Howya getting home?
Emily: I’ll get a taxi.
Laura (looking a bit crestfallen): Oh. Okay.

Jaypers, Laura!

Emily: I’d a really nice time.
Laura: Yeah, so did I.
Emily (with a durty grin): We should do it again.
Laura: I’d like that.

This is awkward. There’s only one thing for it. Laura moves in for the kill.

HOT GIRL ON GIRL ACTION IN CARRIGSTOWN!

Emily: How you doin’?

Laura: Howayeh.

Emily: Grand grand

Havin’ the wear.

(Fin.)

• Catch up on all of Fair City’s lesbian larks on RTÉ Player. The next episodes are tonight and Sunday at 8pm!