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It’s been about two years now that we’ve been trying with a known donor and all the best Internet chatrooms recommended methods for getting pregnant. Nothing has worked.

It’s time to get serious as I’m approaching a serious age.

Our families have chipped in, in lieu of birthday and Christmas presents, and we have an appointment at a fertility clinic.

I got the phone call today to book the appointment. We’d received our information pack (which didn’t have anything in it that wasn’t on the website, really) and although we had some questions about the Very Expensive Blood Tests, we had filled out the booking form and were waiting on the call.

Turns out the blood-tests will cost €400. When I asked if my GP could do them, I was met with a very uncertain response (please, like nobody has ever asked before). So I rang my doctor’s receptionist who was less helpful and suggested I make an appointment for the tests — the tests that the fertility clinic have said are very specific and “specific laboratories only” etc. When I challenged her on it, she said she didn’t know, but I should take some time off work, book an appointment to have my bloods taken, and pay €30 to find out if I can have those tests done.

One of the tests is super expensive and is a carrier-screening for cystic fybrosis. My dad’s cousin had CF so I accept it’s a good idea to screen for it, but the test itself costs almost €300. And there are the standard STI tests, including HIV, which have to be done at a specific laboratory only. My local hospital, apparently, is completely incapable of accurate results.

And you know what? I breed pedigree pets. About 2 weeks after they are born, I swab their cheeks and send the swaps in for analysis. I find out their blood group, coat pattern/colours carried, several disease states (negative/carrier/active) and more for about €40 each. Why is human science so much more expensive?

I’m suspicious, because nobody seems to have the slightest idea what I’m doing, which makes me think I’m sort of in trouble here.

You’d think when you pay as much as we do for healthcare in this country, it would at least be competent.

So I’m excited and happy we are getting fertility treatment, but I’m stressed and upset and unable to navigate this new thing that nobody seems to know anything about. And this is me before they put me on something crazy like Clomid. You just wait.