Julie Bindel
Tags: biphobia, bisexual, feminism, gay, Julie Bindel, lesbian, LGBT, Queer, Transgender, Transphobia, transsexual 
Oh my stars, Julie, what are you on about?
Oh, Julie Bindel. There are things that you get so, so, right. For a minute. Before you turn around and make them so, so wrong.
A few months back, Bindel wrote an article for the Huffington Post called “Where’s the Politics in Sex?”. There are things she says that make sense. Like how we all face compulsory heterosexuality from birth. And how she made a positive choice to be a lesbian. Good for her! We really do live in a world that assumes heterosexuality of (almost) all of us. And choosing to embrace your sexuality, to decide who and how you will love is brilliant. I’ll bet there isn’t a person reading this who doesn’t think so.
Unfortunately, this is as far as the good stuff goes. If you’ve had a long day and aren’t in the humour for some good (extremely) old-fashioned biphobia and truly bizarre ideas about women’s sexuality, I’d recommend stopping here, popping “cute pictures of cats” into Google and having a nice cuppa. Me, I’ve had this gallery of cute pictures of Portia and Ellen open the whole time. You might want to do the same.
Sorted? Here we go.
Feminist or Bisexual?
Bindel wonders why many of “us” (I’m assuming she means lesbians here) are uncomfortable with bi women. As a bi woman, I’ve wondered the same thing myself more than a few times. I’ve always figured it was a combination of immaturity, internalised homophobia, and stories they heard about their ex’s best friend who had a sister who once dated a bi woman who was awful, with a bunch of bi erasure and invisibility thrown in. Bindel, however, has other ideas. As she says:
In today’s post-modern, queer-focused world, bisexuality is being promoted to lesbians as the latest fashionable trend. This has resulted in lesbian politics, namely feminism, being passed over for sexual hedonism, where the only thing that matters is sexual pleasure and desire.
Where do I start? Firstly, while lesbianism and feminism are both wonderful things, they are not the same thing. Feminism is every bit as much the purview of straight as queer women, and is about so much more than who we sleep with. In fact, so much of feminism has been dedicated to making sure women are seen as more than just girlfriends, mothers and wives. While lesbian issues absolutely have their place in feminism, so do hundreds of other things.
Now let’s talk about sexual pleasure and desire. Correct me if I’m wrong, but when it comes to sexual orientations, aren’t those really important? I’m not a queer woman because I politically think that women are great, or because I admire women, or because I want to spend time in social spaces defined by women. I’m a queer woman because I desire women! Because women turn my head, because I get ridiculous crushes on women and sometimes fall head over heels in love. Owning our desires, speaking up and naming them and saying that these desires is important isn’t something to be dismissed as hedonism.
Bisexuality is sold to heterosexual women as some type of recreational activity far from their “natural home” of straight sex. It is seen as “temporary lesbianism.
Here, she has a point. This is a thing! Bisexuality is dismissed by massive swathes of the media and of our society. That’s messed up, isn’t it? It’s a pity that Bindel can’t see that the problem here isn’t bisexuals, but perceptions of bisexuality.
But then she goes completely off the rails:
It is more à la mode to have sex with a man if you are a lesbian than if you’re a straight woman, who is merely doing what she is expected to do “naturally.” Lesbians having heterosexual sex are seen as transgressive, when in fact they are simply reverting to a traditional way of being a woman.
Now, I won’t say that I’ve never heard this one before. I’ll bet you all have. It normally seems to happen at a certain hour of the evening in public houses of a heterosexual persuasion. Some charming young bachelor who’s probably a pint or three past his prime comes to the entirely unprecedented conclusion that the only such thing as a lesbian is a woman who hasn’t met him yet. I’m not sure why Bindel, who claims to be a feminist, is making arguments reminiscent of that guy.
All ya need is a good ride
Is it annoying when people say that lesbians should give het sex a go? Absolutely. But sexuality’s not always black and white. While there are many lesbians out there who go through their entire lives without fancying a guy, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. If a lesbian woman meets a guy who makes her tummy do backflips and if the feeling’s mutual, should we really be poo-poohing her desires as “reverting to a traditional way of being a woman”?
It can't be anything I did
Here’s the thing. Being a queer woman is seen as transgressive. Being straight is, I guess, seen as being more ‘traditional’. But those aren’t the reasons why we’re queer or straight. We’re queer and we’re straight because of desire, which is the one thing that traditionally hasn’t been encouraged of women. If tomorrow the world decided that being straight was transgressive and all of us queermos were the traditionalists, it wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference to my sexuality. I still love who I love.
I’m not sure what this has to do with bi-identified women, though. Except that I guess Bindel doesn’t see us as transgressive enough. But I’m not with my partner to be transgressive. I’ve never dated anyone for the sake of transgression. I date people because I think they’re the bees knees, because they make my knees go wobbly, because I think they’re the hottest thing since particularly steamy sliced bread.
For bisexual women living under the tyranny of sexism, choosing to be lesbian is a liberatory act… if bisexual women had an ounce of sexual politics, they would stop sleeping with men.
Wow. Um. Wow.
WTF?
I’m not sure how bi women’s liberation is in pretending to be lesbians. I’m not sure how we’re supposed to be ‘liberated’ by sublimating many of our desires, re-closeting ourselves and denying ourselves love if it happens to come in her idea of the ‘wrong’ package. Of course, in Bindel’s world being a lesbian or bisexual doesn’t seem to be about love. It’s about patriarchy and politics and tyranny.
I don’t deny that sexism exists, or that women can sometimes get a raw deal in relationships. But my politics- my sexual politics is about working towards a world where women’s choices and women’s desires are acknowledged and respected. Where we can all be proud of who we are and who we love. I want a world where nobody cares about the gender of the person I walk down the street holding hands with, or make a home with, or have a fluttery daydreamy crush on. That’s my politics. That’s my liberation.
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Bindel is not a “lesbian” in the way most people here are. Her “lesbianism” is a politically motivated choice, not an outlet for deep felt desire for women. That is why she is fundamentally unable to understand bi – or hetero women – for that matter. Despite her best intentions, Bindel also misreads common parlance as having the exact same political worldview. We don’t, but it doesn’t stop Bindel and her ilk from speaking AS IF their views were representative of all gay women.
I would not expect Bindel to have an insightful view into the world of bi women, since her own sexuality is a political choice. The question about such women is where their desire is sublimated to, but thats a personal thing for them. The big problem is how they make claims that are invalid for other women, and completely deny men and transwomen stakeholder status in debates on womens issues. Bindel has improved on this in recent years, but there is still a long way to go. In fairness, Bindel is a lot more moderate than some of the recent pseudo-feminist commentators, but she still has little real understanding of sexuality as a desire-based concept.
“bi erasure”
And so, the ’80s pop group’s dirty little secret comes out of the closet.
EWI, may I be the first to say: LOL.
Choosing to be yourself no matter what the Bindel’s or homophobes of the world say is a liberatory act.
Also since when is being bi cool? Like for 3seconds when Katy Perry released that awful song and then everyone switched to liking androgeny and skinny jeans.
*liberates self by wearing baggy pants*
Slight tangent: In those pictures of Ellen and Portia (gawh! Cayute!) there is one where Ellen is wearing an iggy pop t-shirt and then, a few photos on it looks like Portia has it on. *melts*
EWI- LOVE your work!
Also, Aoife I feel like every time I read one of your articles without a chorus of people behind me yelling ‘PREACH’ or ‘TESTIFY’, it’s an opportunity wasted. You’re dropping truthbombs all over the place.
Great article, Aoife. Also, very interesting points by shoegirl there – which made me wonder:
If it’s correct to say that Bindel’s sexy business with women is her political choice, can that be sexuality?
Hm..
Thanks, dolanchap. It’s a pleasure to be here!
I’m giving a standing ovation from my kitchen. Bravo girl. Exactly. Right on. Julie Bindle telling me who I should and should not fancy is really not any different from anyone else telling me who I should and should not fancy.
It’s interesting how that although Bindel’s comment about politics and bi women sleeping with men pissed me off in a way I’m sure only Samuel L Jackson feels, I felt the need to hide my relationship status for the first month of dating my boyfriend whenever I was being politically LGBTQ active. Which sucked because I’m always politically active.
Good thing I got over that.
Click here, that’s an interesting question. I’d generally err on the side of a person’s reasons for identifying the way she does being her own business, and if she wants to be a lesbian for political reasons, then so be it. I mean, for her sake I’d hope she’s got some inclination that way but it’s not anything to do with anyone but her and her partner. If it works for her, awesome! I only see it as a problem when it becomes prescriptive. Just because one person’s sexuality works one way doesn’t mean that’s right for all of us. It’s not her personal life that’s the problem. It’s the way she uses her personal life to get up in everyone else’s business!
Click here, that’s an interesting question. I’d generally err on the side of a person’s reasons for identifying the way she does being her own business, and if she wants to be a lesbian for political reasons, then so be it. I mean, for her sake I’d hope she’s got some inclination that way but it’s not anything to do with anyone but her and her partner. If it works for her, awesome! I only see it as a problem when it becomes prescriptive. Just because one person’s sexuality works one way doesn’t mean that’s right for all of us. It’s not her personal life that’s the problem. It’s the way she uses her personal life to get up in everyone else’s business.
Arrrrgh, sorry for the double posting! This here newfangled internet machine had a bit of a Moment.
I think it’s really misunderstanding the history of lesbianism feminism to say that desire for women when chosen is not ‘as real’ as ‘natural’ desire. I think it’s dodgy to start pushing out women like Julie Bindel by trying to argue she’s not a real lesbian because she tell the story of her identity in this way.
There were historically 2 strands of political lesbians – women who were not erotically attracted to women who decided to practically live as lesbians as a feminist act of solidarity. They argued that affection for women was more important to them than sexual relationships with men. And also that they might find desire sexually for women that compulsory heterosexuality had conditioned them to suppress.
The other type of political lesbians, myself included, were queer women who refused to say that we were dykes just because of some kind of desire that was out of our control. We said that for us we positively chose to be lesbians, we chose to see our sexuality as a positive rejection of compulsory heterosexuality, that we actively wanted to be lesbians as opposed to saying we were because we couldn’t help it.
Because I grew up in this feminist tradition I can find it strange that women want to argue that they are lesbian or bi because they were ‘born this way’ – to me that seems like such a mild mannered and well behaved thing to say.
Desires are not natural or social any more or any less than other human feelings – I might desire an iphone but not get one because of the exploitation of the workers making them.
I might desire a particular man but not have sex with him because there are lots of women I desire also and I don’t want to put a lot of emotional energy into a relationship with someone placed above me in a sexist hierarchy.
I might like steak and kidney pudding but not eat it because I think it’s a better choice to be vegan (even though my teeth show I’m naturally omnivorous)
I might be a black woman who desires black and white men but who chooses only to have romantic relationships with black men because I don’t want to put my time into dealing with a partner’s racism.
Desire isn’t destiny – we choose which desires to act on all the time.
That is a hella interesting point of view, I would love to hear more about that, please!
I have to say, though, for me, the desire that I have for women isn’t really comparable to the desire I have for an iphone. Like, for me, and this is just me, I could live without the iphone, but if I tried to suppress my feelings for girls in the same way, I’m not sure if I could live with that.
Which does not mean that I would never be with a man- gender is irrelevant when it comes to babes, after all. But I definitely couldn’t suppress the queer side of me as easily as you describe, it’s a thing I definitely actively encourage, but even if I didn’t, I’d still be a raging queer, I’d just be sad about it instead of finding it empowering.
Having said that, I definitely can’t speak for all sexualities, and it’d be nice if Bindel would extend that same courtesy.
I wish that everyone who puts all us “Gays, Queers and Lesbians” into the same pot..who announce why it is we do things and what our beliefs are..would read some of the comments on this website about a variety of different topics. Excellent writing AGAIN Aoife! Anyone with a brain in their head would have to think again and see that we are all of us “not a them” but oddly (queerly even) joyously, deliciously different. Bindle can have her theories but she isn’t going to tell me who I can love and why..Hell I let society do that long enough. Nora
Brilliant article, everyone’s said what I wanted to say more or less with the comments above!