Lip Service
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Kris talks the talk about talking the talk
Walking into a college lecture, uncharacteristically early, the following sentence awoke me from my mid-afternoon slump.
“Here. She’s the one I’m currently fucking.”
I looked across the room to see a girl with cropped auburn hair, proudly displaying her iPhone to two, what appeared to be, male first years.
“She’s hot,” one dutifully replied, while the other stared intensely at the image on the screen.
“She’s nice tits hasn’t she?” the girl said proudly.
Just then her iPhone beeped, causing her to swipe her mobile off the transfixed teenager.
“Aaaah. She’s like, totally getting into the shower right now. Talk about giving me a major HORN. She is so going down on me later.”
CRINGE.
Yep, CRINGE. That was the overwhelming feeling that I felt for that girl in question, who I’m sure thought she was the bee’s knees – and unfortunately, she is not the only lesbian I have heard speaking publicly in such a manner! Seriously like, it’s embarrassing! Not only for the girl herself, but on behalf of all lesbians in general – not to mention hypocritical.
Image from vitaljuice.com
How many times have we heard both straight and lesbian women complain about men who speak about women in such an immature/objectifying/degrading manner? How often would the same lesbians (who are today parrot-like repeating such sexist comments) agree with other women about how disgusting it is to hear a bunch of guys speak about a girl in such a way?
So, to what extent is this ‘brag speak’ a backlash against the fact that such girls had to fumingly listen to straight lads bragging about their sexual exploits with women, when they themselves were sexually inexperienced on this score? Was their anger at the sexist objectifying of women by boys really just jealousy in another guise? After all, these girls are now just as bad as any lad that they may have criticised in the past – if not worse, considering they themselves are women.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
However, sometimes when I listen to/overhear lesbians who speak in this manner about other women I can’t help but think to myself, ‘she doesn’t actually see herself as a women.’ As confusing as this sounds, I’m not talking about people who identify as Transgender. To be honest, I’m a little confused as to what exactly I mean myself! It’s hard to articulate. But it’s like some gay girls feel almost removed from the fact that they are a woman. After all, how could you speak about another woman in such a way if you yourself identified with the same gender?
Keep your Pea and your Cock to yourself
Then again, perhaps the reason for such ‘brag speak’ is not as complex as I have imagined. Plain and simply, perhaps the majority of these girls just aren’t getting any. After all, aren’t the people who feel the need to constantly talk about sex, the ones who aren’t actually having sex? I mean, it would literally take seconds to download a picture of a hot topless girl off the Internet (not that I would know anything about such things…ehem…) Who’s to say that what cropped haired girl in my college had on her iPhone wasn’t sourced from the net? But her iPhone beeped I hear you say! Sure who’s to say that wasn’t her Mother or better yet, one of those annoying texts from her phones service provider!
Dare not speak its name
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that we should be as mute as a monk when it comes to speaking to friends about our sex lives (although some would think so – in particular if they really have feelings/respect the girl in question), but surely there is a time and a place – not to mention a certain way of speaking about it?
Maybe some girls will say “well look this is just the way I speak Kris, I’m not going to change it for anyone (let alone someone I’ve never even met), freedom of expression and all that. It’s liberating!”
Well, alright, fair enough, but at least don’t do it in a college classroom, surrounded by strangers?! Especially just after I’ve had my lunch. Cheers 
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I agree with you on the hypocrisy of women objectifying women in the way that many men do. My ex used to do this and it’s one of the reasons I’m not with her anymore. And yes, it did seem to be because she saw herself as somewhat separate from women (although, like you mentioned, not transgender). As a feminist, it drove me up the wall, and to this day I’m still not sure why on earth she thought it was ok to talk about other women in this way, while on the other hand being yelled at on the street by men for being lesbian. *Rant over* My belief is that (gay) women talk about other women in this way as, having grown up in a heteronormative society, it can sometimes appear to be the “acceptable” way of “appreciating” women. Or something like that….
When I started college, to my intense shame now, I was definitely That Girl [though it took me a lot longer to get around to shaving my head]. Thankfully, like most things I did when I was a Cool Teen, I outgrew it, and while if I am dating someone, I will definitely want to show her off to everyone I know, mostly I would do it in a ‘LOOK AT HER SHE’S AMAAAAAZING’ kind of way, which I think is common among all genders and sexualities.
But I think I can explain why I thought talking about my girlfriends in an overtly sexual way to people was a good thing- it was because I had never gotten to be open about my sexuality before. For a lot of young Queers, moving to college is the first time they are exposed to a society which is inherently open and free, and for me, and a lot of other Cool Teens, that freedom tends to go straight to the head. Once you are no longer afraid to say ‘I have a girlfriend’, it’s real easy to allow the years of built up words come gushing out of your mouth in a waterfall of accidental sexism. Which isn’t me saying that it’s OK, or polite, but is just me saying that I guess it’s understandable.
As I say, I outgrew it, and now I only tell people details of my sex life when it is appropriate [or I am writing an article about it, I guess]. I think that girl will probably end up like me, and be horrifically embarrassed about her behaviour once she grows up and gets used to being allowed to exist.
Either that, or people will stop sleeping with her because they are bored of the whole world knowing their shower schedule.
Bravo @ dolanchap…. I shudder to think about the stuff I said and did in youth too… glad you like me got over it!
Lol@ dolanchap ‘she will get fed up of the whole world knowing her shower schedule’ yep good point…though this girl is in her early twenties n been at the college longer than me, so i dont think she falls under the understandble category re shouting about your sex life from the rooftops…hopefully she cops on soon!
*understandable
Oh damn. Is this why my college age nephews think they can talk about women this way to me? Is some one out there telling this is how to chat with queers? I thought they were trying to annoy me for the craic. I’d ask them, but I’m not speaking to them until they grow out of it and cop themselves on.
Oh my lord this is the worst. And can we also talk about pole dancers in the George for a second? Like jesus christ! Some lesbians really seem to hate women. Its like they are just appropriating Lad Culture for themselves, and there is nothing worse than Lad Culture.