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Butt it’s sexy

 

Dudes, there is an elephant in the room, and I think it’s time we talked about it. Not enough people are talking about this elephant, and by elephant I of course mean your butt. Nobody is talking about your butt. The Saddest Story.

Anal sex is one of the hardest things to talk about, because most of society thinks butts are kind of gross. Wrong! I bet most of you guys have very lovely bottoms, bottoms you want to share with equally lovely tops, but how to broach this incredibly awkward subject?? It’s a tough one.

 

What's not to like?

 

Three little words

First of all, wanting to try out the feeling of having a thing in your butt is not a weird thing to be curious about. Pretty much everyone in the world who is lucky enough to own a butt has wondered about that at some point. What you are curious about trying is a pretty rad thing to be curious about- but you gotta talk about it with your ladyfriend first, or you might be sleeping on the couch.

It’s just three simple words, leading to a deeper and more intimate connection between you and your girlfriend. It’s hard to say it, but if you get the right response, you’ll be happy you managed it. Just sit her down, look deep into her eyes and say it; “Wanna try anal?”

Assuming she is chill with the idea, you’re golden. But wait! Anal sex is very different from the vaginal kind; there are a lot of things you should take into consideration before you just jump right in there. For example, have you douched?

 

No messing

Douching is not strictly necessary in order to have great anal sex, but it is necessary if one of the reasons you are nervous is the… well, the mess. Let’s not shy away from it, your butt generally has poop in it, and the idea of getting that on your hands, sheets or various toys is upsetting. Not for everyone, but certainly for people with expensive bedsheets. Thus – douching!

You can buy a douche in pretty much any sex shop, they come in various shapes and sizes, from pear shaped squirty bottles to shower attachments, and they all do a pretty good job at cleaning you out. Success! All you gotta do is fill them with lukewarm water (I recommend testing it as if you’re testing a babies bottle, because too warm or too cold is bad for your butt, and will also make you feel really uncomfortably sick for a while, which is not sexy), put it in your butt and squirt. So simple, and yet so effective. And without any mess or smell to put you off, suddenly your butt starts to look even more inviting than before.

 

Tasty buns

 

Lube noob?

Another important thing to remember about having anal sex is that your butt is not like your vagina – it will not lubricate itself. Use a thick, water-based lube whenever you are doing butt stuff, because tearing your girlfriends arse is not something that you wanna get into the habit of doing. Probably she will not find that endearing.

Another pro tip: Anal sex is easier once everyone is incredibly turned on, so don’t just start with it. Do other stuff first, like going down on her, vaginal sex, or watching Tipping the Velvet on mute (or with the sound on, I don’t know your life). The more in the mood the bottom in this situation is, the better the experience is going to be, so indulge her. It’s totally worth it.

If you are doing this for the first time, start slow. Don’t immediately shove in your favourite dildo and hope for the best – that’ll probably hurt. Do some exploring first, with your hands, or a little butt plug. Then maybe a bigger plug, it depends on what your partner is comfortable with. Err on the side of caution at first, you are less likely to be banned from someone’s whole butt if you understimulate it, rather than really damage it, you know? Go easy, like. She will thank you for it.

Also, when you penetrate her for the first time, don’t just thrust, ask her what it feels like. Find out where you should be aiming, make sure this position doesn’t hurt… I know I say this pretty much all the time, but its true pretty much all the time – if you communicate, you will create better orgasms. That’s just how sex works.

 

Finally some butt sex!

 

Don’t be a bummer

And similarly, if you are the person being penetrated, be honest about how you are feeling- voice your concerns/ouches. Probably the most important thing you gotta keep in mind of you are doing each other up the wrong’un is that the person being ‘done’, so to speak, is totally in charge of the situation. If she says stop, you stop. If she wants to move into a different position, then you will move. After the first time, it’ll be less awkward, promise, but while you’re starting out, it’s good to figure it out in a way to have awesome sex that won’t make your girlfriend’s butt hurt too badly, isn’t it?

And remember kids, you gotta stay safe! Anal sex is risky business, after all. Use a dental dam if you are doing butt to mouth, use a condom or a latex glove for everything else. It’s super easy to get an infection from somebody you love’s butt, don’t risk it when you’ll have just as much fun if you stay safe. More fun even, because nothing says I love you like not giving each other a butt disease.

And they say romance is dead.

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