Kerrie goes all event manager on us
So we all wet ourselves when we found out that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler would both be hosting the Golden Globes this year (we all wet ourselves, right?). And that day is fast approaching. I can’t imagine anything more fun than hanging out with these two comedians or attending the awards to see them live, but since this is not possible, TV/internet has granted me the gift of pretense; the possibility to watch the awards from my own home/shack/box, and enjoy the virtual experience.
Ah, but aren’t you essentially just watching famous people from your bed, you may ask? Well, sure. Maybe. BUT, not if I could be attending MY VERY OWN RED CARPET AWARDS SHOW.
That’s right, you heard me! Now for heaven’s sake calm down so I can explain.
Soak up the Fey
The two are set to host together, and there’s already much hype about this – how will they fare against Ricky Gervais’ past two years hosting, who will they make fun of, what will they be wearing (PRAY TELL!) etc etc. And you know, since Liz Lemon will be leaving our screens for good pretty soon (this month, in fact) this is a chance to soak up as much Tina Fey as possible. So why not make an
event of this… event, from your own home? Gather a few friends, some fun outfits, organise some games (Fey and Poehler have suggested this drinking game) and of course, some Golden Globes drinks, and get going! Herein I will divulge the secrets to hosting your own Golden Globes homage party (and how to do it well cheap).
Get you some friends! Gold invite cards will ensure only the best of the best show up (and what I mean to say here is, text whoever you know will be up for some late night watching). Well done, you have a guest list! You’re only as good as your luxurious carpet (as the saying goes).
Next, get yourself an expensive and luxurious red carpet for your guests to walk down in style – translation; buy a sheet of red crepe paper from your nearest arts and crafts or discount shop. Unless you have some surplus red carpet or spare material lying around, crepe paper is the best way to go. Tape it down to the floor of your hall or sitting room, in a long strip leading the arrivals in.
Have a photographer on hand to snap the guests as they arrive in droves on the carpet (get whoever has the best smart phone to least drunk ratio to photograph you in your glory.)
This is a really fun part, since – if my extensive research of women’s magazines is anything to go by – the most vital and important aspect of any awards show is the fashion. Style is really important here, so get your personal stylist working months in advance.
Or, if you’re really against hiring a famous designer, you could wear any sort of formal dress already in your possession. Whatever. Choice is yours. Get a formal looking dress, and accessories so that you look rich and fancy -a generally better class of human being; like an actor.
Don’t be afraid to go over the top here. In fact, I insist you go over the top, and it’s my article, so you know, do what I
say. Wear seven sets of pearls, wear a feather boa. Wear a crown even! Then, wear a tiara on top of this crown, and sit these on a little velvet cushion atop your head! It’s your birthday/Golden Globes party- do what you want to!
Alternatively, find yourself a tux. Personally, this is the route I’ll be taking this year- so much fun can be had with a tux. If you don’t one, or a suit, it’s easily improvised. Chances are, you already have a blazer (and what a better time for us to communally sweat into our lady blazers?). Then, just grab some manner of black trousers, a shirt, and tie or dicky bow. Make a cumberbund out of seashells
if you want- do it! It’s the Golden Globes after all, and for some reason I’ve decided this means we can do what we want.
So many options are available to us- skinny jeans, shorts, skirts, and they don’t have to be black neither (that’s right, things are getting crazy!) For tonight it is the Golden Globes- the Golden Globes I say! Now, to jazz things up and accessorize, add a top hat or bowler hat, a monocle, cane, pocket watch or mustache (you may already have one).
And there you go, you’re dressed, congratulations! With any luck, you may look something like this:
Hire the most elaborate sounding French chef you can find on the Google, and provide HOr D’oeuvres for all!
Go to the freezers in Aldi/your most conveniently located discount shop and buy some frozen party snacks- pastry things, onion things, cheese things or whatever it is people eat. Doritos and popcorn also work.
Upon a crystal table in an ice cold silver bucket, you have provided for your guests a 200 euro bottle of champagne. If this doesn’t work for your tastes, grab some beers or homemade cocktails and enjoy! Or (and this is the more likely alternative, let’s be honest) skip the formalities and enjoy your wine straight from the box.
Ballot Paper and Speeches
Finally, you may want to add a little activity to the line up of drinking and sitting (what are you, some form of athlete?!). Make some ballot papers and have people vote on who they believe will win all of the major awards. You can do this somewhat early on, and so when each award is announced, have the winner(s) provide their own speech at a podium you have created out of beer crates. Make sure to time the speeches and play them off with music if they embarrassingly run too long.
Finally finally… Themes
So, sure, it’s a Golden Globes party, it’s got a theme – you are correct! Now please get out of here with your smart ass attitude. If you decide to mix things up a bit, and rather than just leave it at red carpet theme, you could add some more homage to Fey and Poehler. Some 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, or Mean Girls themes would go beautifully here (as with many aspects of life). The options here are truly endless: from clothing- snuggies, cup cake pyjamas; to food, food, more food; to shards of tiara; to night cheese or waffles. Seriously, I have to stop now, there’s just too much potential here, and I have a life to pretend to get on with.
So go, get out of here! Get your appropriate attire and or food and get to work, because there ain’t no party like a Golden Globes party, because a Golden Globes party is… well, you know.