1. Karen T.

    I so get your point here. My late partner and I were ‘femme’ or ‘Lipstick Lesbians’. When going out we liked to look as good as we felt. We were young, we were in love, and we enjoyed the energy of life. Dressing down wasn’t our thing. I don’t know how many times we faced the same discrimination you describe. At times I got where I just wanted to scream at people. My god, we were holding hands, we were dancing the slow dances totally tight together, we were kissing each other. What part of Lesbian do you not get, people? I wanted to tell them in no uncertain terms that we were not going to dress to fulfill their expectations of how we should look.

    Okay, rant off.

  2. Sarah

    All of this! I cannot understand this attitude in “gay” venues and I think it really sets the lgbtq community back when we feel the need to discriminate against ourselves. As if there aren’t enough people willing to jump on that particular bandwagon.

    Last year my partner (now my fiancée) and I went to a Dublin gay venue for the birthday of a friend. I have to note that while I wouldn’t call myself butch by any stretch of the imagination, I don’t fit into the femme category either although that’s how my partner would possibly be categorised (fumes at stupidity of labels). While waiting to collect our coats at about 12 a guy took it upon himself to ask “what is it girls? Do yous not like the whole gay thing?”. Standing with my arm around my girlfriend of four years I was frankly upset to be treated with such a horrible attitude in a place that is supposed to be “for us”. Apparently leaving at a reasonable hour because you have work at 8am makes you a hater…

    I was later asked/told “sure you’re not gay are ya? Oh my God really is she your lesbian?” that entire interaction was just made of wrong. This is the ultimate rant but yes please can we stop judging on appearances (and stop using ownership terms regarding our partners because I’m just not cool with being reffered to as “my/your/her lesbian”.

  3. Hear hear! The other thing that bothers me is that over time, girls go from being “just themselves” to adapting to the whole butch sensibility just to “fit in.” On the other hand, a friend, who only came to terms with her own sexuality about 5 years ago, has actually gone even more feminine, because she no longer feels the pressure to cope with what she once perceived as a “masculine side” (but she is kinda eccentric to start with).

  4. Nora

    Since I acknowledged my sexuality I too have become more comfortable with my feminity. Its like by finally acknowledging what I found attractive in others has helped me appreciate myself my body and how being feminine isnt a weakness but a pleasure.

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