“What is the sound of an avalanche taking out a dolphin? What do get when you cross a hamburger with a hot dog? The answer is: WILD FLAG.” 

So read the first MySpace biography of Carrie Brownstein, Mary Timony, Janet Weiss and Rebecca Cole’s newest musical venture. If those names and that fantastic description still leave you bemused, let me explain that Wild Flag hail from Portland, Oregon and Washington DC and consist of alumni from Sleater-Kinney, Quasi, Autoclave, The Spells, Excuse 17, Helium and The Minders. A Venn diagram probably wouldn’t go astray here! 

Several wags on the interweb have already hailed them a Riot Grrl supergroup, but we here at Gaelick like to do our own research, so out I went and got their debut album, which shares their name.  Convenient!

Full disclosure: Seeing Sleater-Kinney at the Temple Bar Music Centre in 2005 was in my top ten musical experiences of all time, no question. This grrl pogo-ed about half her body weight off in sheer rockin’ bliss that night.  When it was announced the following year that the band would go on indefinite hiatus, I was so blue I think I put all that weight straight back on again. 

While I sad-sacked it for a few years, Carrie Brownstein hung up the guitar for a while, got a job in an office, quit said job and made funny little videos with Saturday Night Live’s Fred Armisen which eventually developed into the TV series Portlandia. (Hipsters, look away now!) 

Janet Weiss continued to drum with her other band, Quasi, as well as working with Stephen Malkmus and Bright Eyes to name but a few.  Then I hear that they are back together playing music again, along with some new pals!  And then I hear that Gaelick want me to review the album! No pressure, Wild Flag, but I’m expecting you to be extremely awesome.

This album copes well with the five years of crazy that I bring to the party, in all fairness. Romance, the opening track, immediately puts a smile on my face. It’s straight up guitars, keyboard and drums with catchy lyrics, noodly riffs and thumping beats. I was driving my car the first time I listened, and it was somehow perfect. This song is coming soon to a road-trip playlist near you.

Apparently Carrie Brownstein came up with the melody for that one after a day of listening to Rihanna and Beyoncé. I’ll get that mentioned now before the two of them starting bragging about it.

So what else is good? The ominous intro of Electric Band is nicely counterbalanced with vocal harmonies and a bouncing chorus, shades of the Breeders on there methinks. Brownstein gets her Ramones on with Boom, the final line of “we’ve got nothing left to lose” is as much a “hey, come get me” as an F-You, a song that almost bursts with attitude.

Ten great songs, but If I had to pick just one, Racehorse is a standout track: shades of Patti Smith from Brownstein, Cole mashes the keyboard while Weiss beats her drum-kit to within an inch of its life, for almost seven minutes. I love it.

This album is upbeat without being glossy, it’s post-punk in a really good mood. If you’re not familiar with the members’ previous work, that might not be a bad thing. I get the feeling that they are getting a real kick out of this, and it’s so fresh that they almost sound like this is the first album they’ve ever made.

So if they can dump all the baggage that their respective CVs seems to bring, they maybe I can too! I decided that there’s no point in direct comparison to Sleater-Kinney, as easy as that is to do.

This album is its own woman, plenty of good tunes, strong vocals and a real sense of humour. Go get.

• Wild Flag is out now on Merge Records.

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I’m back again after a year of tellyvisual dedication, all on behalf of you, dear reader! But I’m glad to report that it was all totally worth it, and present to you the findings! Who knows, perhaps they might find themselves into a stocking near you. I find that massive, clanging hints usually help, so don’t be afraid to mention all of these to your nearest and dearest this festive season!

I’m going to start with the hit of the past year, Downton Abbey. Set in Edwardian England just after the sinking of the Titanic, it follows the extremely eventful lives of the aristocratic Crawley family and their servants, in the titular gaff.

“But Bear”, you may interject, “hasn’t it been established that costume drama is a well-known cure for insomnia?” Not this one, by ‘eck! There’s inheritance entanglements, sibling rivalry/divilry, suffragettes, secret love, not so secret love, the scene-chomping Penelope Wilton and the scene-stealing Dame Maggie Smith, who gets the most divine one-liners I’ve heard in years. And that’s just the first episode!

And now for something completely different.

Spiral (or in France, Engrenages) is a French police drama following the work and life of six employees of the judicial system: a police captain and her two lieutenants, a judge, a prosecutor and a lawyer.  Captain Laure Berthaud is the best reason to watch, she tough, bends the rules and constantly runs down the bad guys even as she battles against a corrupt system.  Fans will also rave about defence lawyer Josephine Karlsson, just when you think she can’t get any more ruthless and amoral, she’ll shock you anew.

Spiral has been likened to The Wire, and in some ways it does correspond, but in others it is a totally different kettle of poisson.  It’s not one for the faint of heart – some of the murder scenes are so gruesome they make CSI look like the Cartoon Network – but don’t let that put you off!

Speaking of The Wire, creator David Simon followed that soon after with Treme, which focuses on the working class neighbourhood of the same name in New Orleans, in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

You can’t help but compare it to The Wire, not least because it features familiar faces in the cast (Wendell Pierce, Clarke Peters, Steve Earle), but Treme has a very different pace, and features civilians instead of cops, with musicians taking the lead.  Keep an eye out for lots of cameos, but this being David Simon, they are subtle.  This is one I’m recommending to all.

Head up north a bit for Brotherhood, more drama this time set in Providence, Rhode Island.

Featuring two brothers, one a local politician, the other a gangster with New England’s Irish mob.  If that wasn’t enough conflict, their mammy is played by none other than Fionnula Flanagan, who definitely relishes the roll of manipulative matriarch.

The action kicks off when the gangster bro (Jason Issacs) returns from exile to a town where his brother (Jason Clarke) is building up a career in political circles.  Think Irish-American Sopranos and you’ll have an idea of the dynamic.  Though you might not have heard of this one, it’s definitely worth checking out for the writing and performances.

And remember, that’s a real New England accent, in case you think they’re all doing really bad Irish ones!

Happy holiday viewing, y’all!

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First of all, comparing anything to her first album would be pointless. What was obviously the fruit of many years of songwriting and collaborations confounded all critics, leaving some to wonder if they could award six out of five stars somehow. How was she going to top it? Would she just retire to the Cotswolds in a cloud of chiffon and not even attempt it? No, it would appear not. She stuck with long time collaborator Isa “The Machine” Summers, kept on the same producer as album #1, booked time in Abbey Road studios and gave it a good old bash. I’m glad to report that the sophomore slump can’t be applied in the case of Ceremonials, but on first listen, you probably won’t be blown away. That’s no bad thing. This album is a bit of a grower, or an onion, if you will, (think layers, not vegetables, work with my metaphor) which might make you sniff a bit, but in the good, life-affirming, way. That’ll be the sweeping orchestrations then, if you’re a fan you’ll be glad to hear that they did indeed retain the harpist. This album won’t stop you in your tracks like the first time you heard Cosmic Love, but there’s still plenty to inspire on this offering.

So much was made of what were deemed lazy comparisons to Kate Bush, PJ Harvey, Bjork and so on, I was cautious of the immediate instinct to think “hmm, that one’s a bit like…” but then I thought, why not? On many of the songs on this album, you hear similarities to others in the first verse, and your mind floats to Tori Amos or Bat For Lashes, but then along comes the chorus, her voice soars, and there’s no mistaking it – her unique ability to absolutely give it socks with every note that she sings. All the aforementioned get a nod, but her sound is her own. Chamber Soul, she calls it!

Lead single Shake it Out will doubtless be up there with all the firm favourites from Lungs, it has the quiet intro then thumpy beats then soaring feel good chords that wouldn’t go amiss at an Arcade Fire concert (I did manage to get tickets for their gig! Balls in your court, Flo, you know how to find me…) It’s probably the best getting ready to go out song I’ve heard for some time, best played at full whack while you’re throwing on your glad rags and preparing for what you know will be a great night.

Another standout is Breaking Down, sad lyrics belied by fabulously swervy strings and an insanely catchy pop beat. The earworm potential for this one is high, so I expect it’ll be a single sooner or later. I would guess the same for Lover to Lover and Heartlines, but that’s all the guessing I’ll be doing on this one – Ceremonials is definitely an evolution, not a departure. The angst levels are lower, which makes sense as I read that Lungs was a break-up album. In that case, Ceremonials is “going steady”, and that’s perfectly fine too.

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This year my employer offered a company subsidised gym membership to staff, so I realised I couldn’t look at that particular gift horse in any peculiar way, or however the saying goes, and signed up.  Mrs Bear was delighted to hear that something was finally being done, as she is very active and loves running around, playing sports and all that jazz.  I’d felt bad that I wasn’t much of a companion in that realm, so here was another incentive.  I’ll never be able to beat her on the tennis court, but I thought it might be nice to be able to last a game of badminton with her at least.  Or is it a set?  I’ll find all that out, I’m sure.

So off I toddled to the gym.  I knew I would be intimidated at the start, so I called in to a pub on the way and had a few swift whiskies to iron my will.  Joking!  That’s just water in my bottle, I swear.  I wore a t-shirt and figured nobody would need to see my legs, so also some trackie bottoms – first mistake.  The air conditioning in the gym was kaput on that particular day, so it was already like a sauna before I made any sort of movement.  I wandered around a bit trying to look both nonchalant and non-sweaty, which was tricky.  The main reason for that was to do a bit of reconnaissance on the machines, and try to look without looking at how people were operating them.  I’ll say at this point that there seemed to be no staff on hand for any sort of intro, they must have been all away trying to fix the air-con.  In a way that suited me, I thought that a guided tour of the place would draw too much attention on me, I just wanted to sneak in and get cracking.  On the other hand, I hadn’t a clue, even after my scouting, how anything worked.  So I went for the most familiar-looking thing there – exercise bike!  I hopped up on one, nodded to the fembots beside me pedalling like pros, and after about 90 seconds realised I was not going to blend in so quickly.  The combination of intense heat and my total lack of fitness had an almost immediate effect, and I wondered why suddenly my hair appeared to be crying.  So much for the non-sweatiness, but I tried to keep up the nonchalance as best I could.  I thought I did ok, considering I looked like someone was pouring water directly onto my head.

After a little while, I knew I’d have to take a break, not least because the fembots were starting to look a bit alarmed and I really didn’t want to break their impressive stride.  A machine that I later found out was called a cross trainer had become free, so I wobbled over to it.  After bashing a few buttons, it came to life, and I almost came to death.  Did you know that they are set up to pull your entire skeleton apart?  I’m fairly sure they use those contraptions to make this stuff.

Finally I thought I’d give the treadmill a go.  I was still shell-shocked from the other two devices, so some monotonous trudging would be just the ticket, I thought.  It all started out fine, the belt thingy starts moving, and then you do too, unless you want to end up in a heap on the floor.  But then a bit of keeping up with the Joneses kicks in, an inadvertent pace is set by your sprinting neighbours, so you up the revs… It was ok though, because, for a change, I knew how to work the machine, especially the big red QUICK STOP button, the best part of the whole evening.

So I’m going to keep at it, because despite all my mishaps on day one, I think I might be able figure it out, sweat a few gallons less, and shape up a bit.  I’m assuming that next time I go, the Spanish Inquisition will have taken back their cross trainers, and there will be nicer machines to try and figure out instead.

No matter what happens, I’ll continue to be inspired by a fellow doughnut enthusiast…

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First things first, as part of the opening night gala at the Screen Cinema, a screening of Hold On Tight, the winner of the first ABSOLUT GAZE Filmmaker Award.  Director Anna Rodgers and producer Zlata Filipovic present a documentary about displays of affection between same- sex couples in Ireland.

From there we’ll be making a beeline to the Project Arts Centre on Friday eve to see Gigola.  I reckon this will be a hot favourite, so maybe grab those tickets while you can!  Laure Charpentier’s melodrama follows a charismatic young girl on a steamy ride through the lesbian underworld of 60s Paris.  This was a huge hit at the London festival earlier this year, so word has spread that this delicious treat is not to be missed!

In Who Took the Bomp?, Director Kerthy Fix profiles feminist band Le Tigre’s world tour in support of their major-label debut, 2004′s This Island. Sadly, they would put the band to bed the following year. The music, and the fans, still remain, and their popularity is on full display here, as in between performances, radio interviews, and backstage footage, they talk about the transition from the riot grrrl scene of the 1990’s to more recent incarnations.

Also recommended by Gaelick (ages ago!) – Sea Purple, at the Project Arts Centre Friday at 6pm. Read HAL’s review here!

We think you might also like:  Aussie comedy Hannah and the Hasbian, a story of coming out, going back in, and everything in between.  At the Screen on Saturday, 6pm.

And don’t forget the Girls’ Shorts, in Project on Saturday afternoon!

You might think it’ll all be winding down by Monday, but don’t miss a remarkable film documenting the journey of transition for Chaz Bono, transgender advocate, writer, actor and musician, and child of Sonny and Cher.

For more details on all these films, along with the rest of the programme, booking information, cinema locations and plenty more, check out www.gaze.ie

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Guy 1: Excuse me, can I ask you a question?

Team Gaelick: *collective blink* Um, sure…

Guy 1: Are you lot all lesbians?

Team Gaelick: Yeah, we are…

Guy 1: Can I just say?  Can I… just… say, that I’m… from London, yeah?  And none of the lesbians in London look like you guys, ohmigawd they are all really horrible and skanky, and you guys look, like, nice and friendly.

Team Gaelick: Oh, well, thanks very much…

(Confidential to our London sisters:  we know it isn’t so)

Guy 2: *wobbles over*   Excuse me, is my boyfriend annoying you?

Team Gaelick: Well, no…

Guy 2: Do you mind if we join you?  *plonks self down*

Team Gaelick: Well, uh…

They continue to talk non-stop for about five minutes.  It dawns on some of us quickly, and the rest of us soon after, that these dudes are not for moving.  Or for listening, apparently.  Polite referrals to the fact that we were having a meeting went unheeded, so we had to kick it up a gear.  Unaccustomed as we are to being blunt, we tried our best to get them to scram, but in the end it took some intervention from one of the bar staff, and that’s when things took a turn for the crazy.

Barman: Listen lads, these girls are having a meeting, d’you want to head back to your table now?

Guy 1: We didn’t do anything!  We were just talking!

Team Gaelick: We know, yeah, but we’re just trying to finish up here.  Chat to you later?

Guy 2: We don’t have to move!  What did you call me?!

Team Gaelick: Huh?!

Guy 1: Let’s go, forget these f***ing dykes!

Team Gaelick: ??!!

We spend the next few minutes trying to calm down and ignore them, which was difficult when they flounced past every few minutes spewing colourful terms our way.  I’ll paraphrase here, but you’ll probably get the gist of it…

Guy 1: *walks by dramatically* C-words!

Some of us get angry, some of us are a bit scared, I myself look for the hidden camera, no sign of it.  At this stage the bouncer at the door is on the case, he’s asked them to drink up and move on, but they make a big show of nursing their drinks, and their apparent grievance against us.  It is mooted that we should perhaps just leave, but team solidarity reigned and we decided that they would be gone soon, and we would stay put.  Then one of them walked by again, trying to be nonchalant and non-swervy (fail at both).

Guy 2: You’re all DEAD!

Team Gaelick: *blank*

Or at least, as much of a *blank* as you can manage when someone comes out with something like that and aims it your way.  It probably would have been a much hairier situation if they had been properly aggressive and big and brawny, but these were young, really slight, skinny gay boys who were careening around the place like drunk, belligerent toddlers.  It was about 7.30 in the evening – stuff this weird doesn’t usually happen until it’s coming up to last bus time.  After another prompting from the bouncer, they eventually left, and I watched them wobble up the street, probably trash-talking us all the way.  At that stage I was already laughing, but some of the team were still a bit unnerved by the whole experience, and decided that they would call it an early night and head off.  Myself and Click Here (the hard chaws) remained and joined some friends downstairs for the always fabulous show at Bunny’s Hutch (Dorian Gay is one to watch, you read it here first!)

So, weeks later, I’m still thinking about that night.  First, props to the Pantibar staff that dealt with the situation –another reason why it’s my favourite place to enjoy a few drinks with pals, they are courteous and accommodating always.  Second, what do you think of it all?  I was equal parts amused, annoyed and confused, but I was aware that some of my companions were made feel very uncomfortable, so I suppose I should be Officially Annoyed.  Perhaps disappointed would be a better description – if you like to think of our collective LGBTQ selves as some sort of community, then this pair really did let the side down.  But am I being naive in expecting anything anymore?  I know that they were drunk off their asses, but really, getting grief from two gay guys, in a gay bar?!  I must be getting old.

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A native of Tarbert, Co. Kerry, Jean was first employed as a Meteorological Officer, her interest in mathematics led her to study for her degree in Mathematical Sciences in Trinity College, Dublin, from which she graduated with honours.   She went for further training at the aviation office in Shannon Airport , and then moved to the research division in Dublin.  Academia’s loss (sorry, nerds!) became the nation’s gain in 1996, when she became a weather presenter on RTE, and our television sets were never quite the same (our radios stayed just about as they were).

The Jean Byrne Appreciation Society appeared about a year ago on Facebook, and as of date of writing has over 1000 fans.

What many deem her most famous ensemble (to date), premiered on Christmas Day 2009…

It was at that moment that cyberspace came into its own – this was the dress that launched a thousand threads, not least the Kent Brockman-inspired I for one welcome our new spaceweatherwoman overlord page on Facebook.  She got us through one damn-cold winter, and no mistake.

Last week’s apparently see-through number brought Jean’s name back into the fashion headlines:

(I watched that forecast, yet didn’t hear a word.  The screen behind could have said ‘Risk of Monsters / George Hook’ and I wouldn’t have noticed a thing)

I have to ask, it’s purely a formality, but it is a requirement here!  What do you think of the fabulous Ms. Byrne?

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Dexter is that show that you’ve been hearing everyone talk about.  So let’s talk about it!  Starring Michael C. Hall (he of Six Feet Under fame) , it turns the good guy-bad guy premise on its head, as the “hero” is a serial killer, albeit one with some version of a heart.  He follows a code (only kill other killers) and works for the Miami Police Department as a forensics technician, which is very handy.  There’s the usual good dollop of mystery that you get with most detective shows, along with some deliciously dark humour by way of Dexter’s voiceover.  Miami has also never looked better – I’m such a sucker for all the art deco stuff, if there wasn’t so much killing going on, I’d probably move there!  But how can you root for a serial killer, I hear you ask.  Good point, normally I wouldn’t think of myself as being pro murderer, but in this case … I think I am!  And everyone else must be too, because Dexter is in its fifth season and still going strong.

Check out the opening sequence, that was enough to hook me!

What’s better than a plot-filled family drama full of marital twists and turns? Well, one with three families maybe?!

Big Love features a polygamist Mormon (Bill Paxton) and his three wives, played by Jeanne Tripplehorn, Ginnifer Goodwin and the always brilliant Chloë Sevigny, along with, I dunno, about ten kids… it’s hard to keep track of them all. As if it wasn’t hard enough to keep three wives and a football team of children happy, this family struggles to live their polygamous lifestyle while keeping it a secret from the outside world. Stressy! Then there’s the in-laws, one of whom is the leader and self-proclaimed prophet of a compound, who cause all sorts of trouble along the way. The three wives are the real stars of the show, though fans of Ms. Sevigny circa If These Walls Could Talk 2 may be shocked at the transformation!

Regular readers here will have already heard about United States of Tara, but let me remind you anyway! The show follows the life of a woman with dissociative identity disorder, in the first season she deals with having three personalities as well as her own. So far, so hilarious, but wait! It stars Toni Collette, and we love her! We get to see her already impressive talent blossom as she expertly portrays a retro housewife, teenage ne’er-do-well , and a gun-toting Vietnam vet (handy explanation for why he has no wang – it got blown off in the war!) Also notable is Keir Gilchrist, who plays Tara’s gay son Marshall, a devotee of classic movies and fashions of the 1940’s. There should be more teenage style icons like him!

An oldie but a very goodie, here’s one I’m promising myself I’ll watch again over Christmas, because it is just so flippin’ funny. Arrested Development revolves around the members of the Bluth family, perhaps the most dysfunctional crew ever to grace the small screen. Son Michael (Jason Bateman) tries to keep the whole family together after their business does an Enron, supported by his son George Michael (Michael Cera), and mostly hindered by everyone else.

Shot like a documentary and narrated by Ron Howard, it is one of those rare things, an American sitcom with no laugh track (apart from your own!) I defy you not to guffaw on introduction to such characters as The Literal Doctor, Barry Zuckerkorn, Gene Parmesan, J. Walter Weatherman, and my favourite, attorney Bob Loblaw (say that one out loud!) Everyone has a star turn, but special mention must go to Will Arnett as Gob and Portia de Rossi (de Generes?) as Michael’s flamboyant and materialistic sister Lindsay.

She has some of the best lines…

Lindsay: [reading an article] “Lindsay’s a combative, entitled princess”? I should hire someone to kick your ass for that!
And…

Michael: [about his girlfriend] It’s like we finish each other’s…
Lindsay: Sandwiches?
Michael: Sentences. Why would I say…
Lindsay: Sandwiches?

So, don’t ever say I didn’t get you anything for Christmas!  Let me know what you think of these, and if you have any other suggestions, as always, please do share!

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If you’ve heard of Taylor Mac, there’s no doubt that you’ll already have plans to go see his amazing show at The Grand Social.  If you haven’t, then the show’s title should be enough to snag you – Comparison Is Violence Or The Ziggy Stardust Meets Tiny Tim Songbook.  Glam rock ukulele, oh yes!  Panti has already raved about this show, so snap up tickets as soon as you can!

I ❤ Alice ❤ I (yes, those are hearts) is a documentary piece described as ‘Grey Gardens’ in Dublin.  Sold!  (Regular readers will already know how much I ‘heart’ Big and Little Edie)  Telling the love story of two Dublin women and their journey together as a couple for over six decades, there will be tears and a whole lot of laughs.  Running for five nights from Tuesday 21^st September at the New Theatre on Essex Street East.

You may have already heard about Trilogy, but you won’t be able to make up your mind about it unless you go see!  A radical performance involving 50 naked volunteer dancers, in equal parts a celebration, a protest, and a challenge, of what it is to be a woman in our society today.

Running from 22^nd to 25^th September in the Project Arts Centre, this is going to be the one that everyone will be talking about, guaranteed.

And for something completely different… Miranda Sings.  There are no words, really, so I’ll let the woman herself tell you all about it!

We also like the look of the Dance Double Bill – Paradise Dance Hall and Hang On.  The former is described as “dance for people who don’t like dance”, the latter a show which fuses gravity-defying aerial circus skills with dance.  At the Project Arts Centre from 17^th to 19^th September.  Matthew P. Morris can be seen for one night only in his My Body Travels show at the Project, and the first of Camille O’Sullivan’s shows at The Grand Social is already sold out, but if you move fast, you can still get tickets to the performance on Sunday 19^th!  Go go go!

One of the coolest things about Fringe is the amount of stuff that you can see for free!  Don’t let the current economic blah blah blah stop you from getting your arts on!  See here for some amazing events, all free, gratis, for nada!

All ABSOLUT Fringe festival tickets can be booked online at www.fringefest.com, or by calling the box office – 1850 374 463.  This handy page is a great summary of what’s going on.  Alternatively, skip along to the box offices at Filmbase in Temple Bar or the ABSOLUT Fringe Factory on Liffey Street.  You can get a sweet discount on group bookings too, so bring the pals!

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Fresh from scouring the globe for new queer cinema, Yvonne told us that one of the themes of this year’s Programme is the number of films that will be of interest to both boys and girls, a sign perhaps of the growing sophistication of not only what’s on offer now, but also our tastes as an audience.  A good example would be the Festival’s opening film, I Killed My Mother , by Xavier Dolan.  Only 22 years old, he wrote, directed, starred and produced the feature, “a big talent to watch out for.”  The film deals with his relationship with his mother and his attempt to realise his own identity, including his sexual identity.  Yvonne described this one as “inspirational, uplifting and funny, critically acclaimed, entertaining”.  Sounds like a good opener to us!

One very noticeable theme this year is the amount of highly accomplished debut movies in the programme.  One that comes highly recommended is Leo’s Room, a “fantastic Uruguayan debut, reminiscent of Magnolia, quirky, accomplished, beautifully shot and well crafted.”  And staying in South America, this time from Argentina, The Last Summer of La Boyita “a bit like XXY, deals with same theme, looks beautiful, produced by Pedro Almodovar, should not be missed!”  Also Paulista, set in Sao Paulo, Brazil, comes highly recommended, a nod to Tales of the City with a cracking soundtrack to boot.

2010 seems to have been a great year for documentaries, and I for one cannot wait to see The Topp Twins: Untouchable Girls, which Yvonne guarantees will be one of the most uplifting films you’ll see this year.  It tells the story of Jools and Lynda Topp, lesbian twin sisters, yodeling political activists who helped change outlooks and policies of their native New Zealand.  GAZE says its “sweet, touching and hilarious.”  Gaelick says “sold!”

Assume Nothing, another Kiwi documentary feature, is at its core a story about a photographer making a book who assumed a masculine identity after becoming sick, and her exploration of different attitudes to her change.  Told through use of film, photography and collage, it looks beautiful, as is befitting a film made by an artist about artists.  Other docs to watch out for include Stonewall Uprising , the definitive portrayal of the seminal ‘Rosa Park’s moment in the history of gay rights, and Stand Up: My Best Friend – based on interviews of young LGBT people and their straight best friends and family members, , this was produced in association with BelongTo.  We love them!

Prima Donna: The Story Rufus Wainwright’s Opera, is going to be a huge draw, I’m sure.  Regular readers of Gaelick will be aware of Bear’s love of all things Wainwright and McGarrigle, so I won’t be surprising you when I say that I plan to be first in line for this one!  As well as the star himself, it features his sister Martha, his late mother Kate McGarrigle, we see the dynamic between Rufus and his mother, and his sister, “a wonderful family documentary as well as the story of the opera he wrote, a great document of the creative process. “

Since the Festival turns 18 this year, what better time to feature a retrospective of Irish Shorts, to look back at the various shorts programmed over the years?  This is a great chance to see the early work of directors who went on to accomplish great things, one example being Bongo Bong by Ken Wardrop (His & Hers).   An intriguing prospect with a definite Irish link is Cracks, directed by Jordan Scott (daughter of Ridley).

Shot in Wicklow & Meath, set in a boarding school, Yvonne tells me this is a “cross between Lord of the Flies and The Children’s Hour”, which is enough to hook me!  It looks beautifully shot, with the production values you come to expect from the Scott dynasty.  Set in the 1930’s in a girls boarding school, and starring Eva Green (her of Bond movie fame) and Juno Temple (Atonement), it is not to be missed.

More Irish interest as Susan Lynch stars in The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister.  A BBC costume drama that looks like a right romp, if you missed it on TV you’d do well to catch this “audacious and funny, heartfelt and well-paced, a delightful film, recommended for all.”

What else does Yvonne recommend?  Because there’s more!  And then Came Lola, a homage to Run Lola Run, looks like a clever, sophisticated rom-com, a great date movie!   Ander , the closing film, is set in Basque Country, and I’m automatically smitten by the description of “Gay Glenroe” for this very sharp and funny Spanish film.  This is another fabulous looking debut film, and director Roberto Caston will be present at the screening.  Gently paced, beautiful, Yvonne reckons this will “leave everyone with a smile on their faces” at the end of the festival.

So, see you at the Lighthouse!  I’ll be the one wandering around in a wonderful, googly-eyed GAZE daze, come say hello!

The 18^th Annual Dublin Lesbian and Gay Film Festival takes place in the Lighthouse Cinema, Smithfield from Thursday 29^th July until Monday 2^nd August.  See the entire programme at www.gaze.ie.  Tickets can be booked at www.lighthousecinema.ie, or by calling 01 879 7601.

Related posts:

1. Lesbian films online
2. Looking for lesbians

The opening film is the Irish premiere of the acclaimed Give Me Your Hand– a tense yet haunting account of brotherly love and independence. This is director Pascal-Alex Vincent’s first feature film, methinks it won’t be the last we hear of him.

Catch up with the delightfully named Cinemobile (I want to believe it’s a big bus shaped like a camera. Yes?!) for the screening of Stonewall Uprising on Wednesday 7th July at 6pm. Using rarely-seen archival footage and eyewitness accounts, this must-see documentary offers a fresh look at the pivotal 1969 event.

Sundance winner Undertow is showing on Thursday 8th, intriguingly described as a “small-scale metaphysical gay romance – think Truly Madly Deeply meets Brokeback Mountain”. If, like me, you’re mad for the metaphysical, this one is definitely worth a look!

Saturday the 10th is all about the documentaries, with a real treat in store at 5.30 – The Topp Twins: Untouchable Girls tells the story of the world’s only comedic, singing, yodelling lesbian twin sisters, Lynda and Jools Topp, New Zealand’s most unique entertainers. From the trailer alone I can tell that this one is not to be missed!

Later on Saturday night it’s all aboard the Cinemobile (woooo!) with a very exciting double bill in the Cinemobile at 9pm. First screening Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement – an inspirational film about two compassionate and brave women who have been together for over 40 years, paired with the World Premiere of the homegrown Irish made Stand Up: My Best Friend, recently produced by the multi-award winning writer Mark O’Halloran (Garage, Adam and Paul) and Cathleen Dore, and directed by Maurice Linnane.

Stand Up came out of a series of shorts produced by O’Halloran and Ireland’s LGBT Youth organization BeLonG To. It is a series of interviews with young Irish LGBT people and their friends and family. It is a heartwarming celebration of our LGBT community, for whom friendship transcends ideas of conformity and difference. Mark O’Halloran, Maurice Linnane and BeLonG To will be in attendance at the screening.

Lucky Galway, says you. No, lucky you! Get yourself on over there, what better reason to visit! For tickets book online at www.tht.ie or phone the Town Hall Box Office on 091-569777. Now!

www.galwayfilmfleadh.com/outonfilm

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Here’s what was allowed to air.

Funny stuff alright, but I’m left thinking about the censorship of ads like these, and the reasons for it.  A head honcho at Kotex noted that the very same TV networks seem to have no issue with airing ads for Viagra and the like, which refer to erectile dysfunction, so why the double standard?  Why indeed, Kotex spokesperson!

Of course, if your period involves tiny bumper cars, that’s no problem.  No need to consult a doctor (or even a mechanic), because you can buy a…um… hygiene product to…ah … help with that…

Those crafty Aussies almost get away with it, looks like it’s ok to say “down there” down under…

Here’s one with a bit more honesty… could maybe save a life even…

Enough!  I’m going out on a limb here and assuming that it might be men that have issue with these ads, these products, periods, vaginas… VAGINAS!  VAGINAS!  The blue liquid, I’m sure, was a guy’s idea too.  Perhaps somewhere there’s a company whose head of panty liner advertising is a woman, and maybe (god love her) she gets blue periods, but I’m fairly sure that it’s the lads that are coming up with these lame ads (bumper cars and beaver jokes?  Really?) , so we shouldn’t be falling down with shock that any reference to female genitalia is forbidden on television.

So is it media censorship or just a storm in a moon cup?!  Women seem to be getting on with it, (hopefully) nobody is relying on these ads for actual instruction or guidance, so why not just laugh and get on with life?  Or do you hear that little voice in your head scream and shout when a commercial wishes you “Have a happy period”?   Let me know what you think!

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Showing at 1pm this Sunday (21^st), Orlando, based on Virginia Woolf’s 1928 novel, is my first must-see.  Starring the wonderful Tilda Swinton in the title role, and some fabulous appearances by Quentin Crisp as Queen Elizabeth (who else?!) and Jimmy Sommerville, this is a modern day queer classic.  An androgynous nobleman is given an estate with the proviso to never grow old, and as a result 50-year jumps through the Civil War, the early colonial period, the literary salons of 1750 (by which time Orlando is a woman), the Victorian era of property, and finally a 20th century postscript.

After her appearance at last year’s GAZE festival, I can’t wait to get along to Patricia Rozema’s wonderful comedy I’ve Heard the Mermaids Singing.  Starring Sheila McCarthy, Paule Baillargeon and the multi-talented Anne-Marie McDonald (Better Than Chocolate, The L Word), it’s a modern day lesbian classic that stands up to repeat viewings – bring some pals along on 24^th February at 2pm, a wonderful excuse to take a day off!

Another classic worth a re-watching is My Beautiful Laundrette, Stephen Frears’ 1985 feature.  Starring Daniel Day-Lewis in one of his first roles, it tells the unlikely story of a racist thug and a young Asian man who were boyhood friends, now struggling to survive in racially tense Thatcher-era Britain.  Tackling issues of racism and homophobia with intelligence and humour, it became a worldwide hit and made a star of Day-Lewis, who turns in one of his best performances.  Showing on 25^th February at 2pm.

Winner of the Golden Marc’Aurelio Jury Award for Best Film at the International Rome Film Festival last year, Denmark’s Broderskab (Brotherhood) is the story of Lars, disillusioned by life in the army and drawn into a Neo-Nazi network.  He meets Jimmy, and the two begin a secret affair which doesn’t remain secret for very long.  Not one for the faint of heart, it is still an intriguing prospect.  Showing on the 26^th February at 6.30pm.

Full film details, programme and special events listings are at the festival website, http://www.jdiff.com/, as well as ticket booking facilities.  You can also call the box office on 01 687 7974 from 10am – 6pm daily.

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Always a fan, my admiration was sealed forever when I discovered that her television debut was on Sesame Street (featuring in four sketches of The Number Painter, she was, in turn, the lady at the picnic; the woman holding the umbrella; the woman inside the elevator having her plastic handbag painted on; and finally, the nurse saying “Next” to her patients!).  Outstanding!  Moving on from The Street, she landed the role of teenage bad girl Betty Rizzo in Grease when she was 33 years old.  She leads the Pink Ladies clique, jumps around at a sleepover, does bold things with boys in the back of cars and then sings all about it.

After a quiet spell in the 1980’s, she won an Obie award for her stage performance in Six Degrees of Separation, and then reprised her lead role as an Upper East Side matron in the film version.  She was nominated for both an Oscar and a Golden Globe Award for her efforts.  This is her, along with Will Smith, Anthony Michael Hall, Heather Graham (somewhere in there) and everybody’s favourite Canadian, Donald Sutherland.

You may also remember her from… a whole load of other stuff, as some of her most memorable roles have been in LGBT themed films.   She played the battered wife who gets a physical and emotional make-over from drag queen Patrick Swayze in To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar and the mother of a teenager coming to terms with her sexuality in The Truth About Jane. 2002 saw her win the Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or a Movie Emmy for her role in the true-life TV-movie The Matthew Shepard Story, playing Judy Shepard, the bereaved mother of the college student who was tortured and murdered in Wyoming in 1998, targeted specifically by his attackers because he was gay.  She also received a Screen Actors Guild award for the role.

The role she is probably most renowned for is as Abbey Bartlet, First Lady to Martin Sheen’s President in the NBC drama The West Wing, which ran for seven award-filled seasons.  She herself picked up an Emmy in 2002 after becoming a cast regular, and stealing some of the best scenes.

And as if all that wasn’t enough, she also narrated later seasons of Meerkat Manor!

See y’all at the Gaiety!

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I’ve selected some of the best shows of the past few years, all of which are available to buy, or even better, to receive!  I don’t want to give it all away, so I’m breaking it down into bite size chunks for your perusal, the basic idea, and hopefully not too much spoiling!

First off, the one that everybody has been talking about for the past few years. The Wire premiered on television in the US back in 2002, and had modest viewing figures for most of its five seasons.  It was only after it became available on DVD that it went huge, described by many critics as the greatest television series of all time.

What’s the story then?  Drama set in Baltimore, Maryland.  Each season of The Wire focuses on a different facet of the city: the drug trade, the port, the city government and bureaucracy, the school system, and the print news media.

Is it funny? It can be, mostly dark humour.

Is it smart? The smartest thing you’ll see in a long time.

Dramatic? Very.  At first you’ll think it’s slow-paced, but once you get into the groove, everything else seems ridiculously contrived.

Addictive? Like chocolate-covered caffeinated crack cocaine.

Worth the monies? Definitely.  If you give as a gift, you’ll impress in a big way.

Gay content?  Gaytent, if you will? Two of the coolest characters are gay, one a Robin Hood-type gangster with a heart, the other a kick-ass dyke detective.  And they are far from token gays too, which is a nice change.  So the Wire gets four out of five Gay Tents.

Weeds is now in its’ fifth season on television, and you can get the first four seasons on DVD.  Part comedy, part drama, it has garnered a stash of awards since it premiered in 2005.

What’s the story then? Mary Louise Parker (we like her) plays a newly widowed housewife living in an affluent California suburb who becomes her neighborhood’s marijuana dealer to make ends meet.

Is it funny? It really is.  Think about it – pot-selling housewife with kids, stoned neighbours, romantic entanglements, right-on drug dealers and those wonderfully bitchy women that they seem to grow on trees in Southern California.  Throw in a screw-up brother-in-law that acts like a teenager and constantly gets into trouble, and how could hilarity not ensue?

Is it smart? Extremely.  The writing is some of the cleverest you’ll find.  Even the stoner lines are classic.

Dramatic? There are some very cool twists that you never see coming.  And that’s all I can say!

Addictive? Studies have shown, you can get hooked on Weeds.

Worth the monies? Yes.  You may have missed it on Sky One because the schedule hopped around a bit, so do yourself a solid and buy.

Gay content?  Gaytent, if you will? Isabelle, youngest daughter of the delightfully awful Celia, is an out and proud chubby little lesbian, proud mostly because it seems to infuriate her mother, who says it’s not an alternative to having to lose weight.  She gets three out of five Gay Tents all to herself because she gives back as good as she gets in the deadpan putdown stakes.

Another relative newbie on the scene is Damages, with two seasons in the bag so far, and a third coming soon to TV.  Very soon hopefully!

What’s the story then? It’s about a brilliant yet ruthless lawyer Patty Hewes (Glenn Close), a newly appointed rookie Ellen Parsons (Rose Byrne) and the law firm Hewes runs in New York. The first season finds Hewes attempting to win a class action lawsuit against the former CEO of a corporation.

Is it funny? Nope, no time for humour, too busy chewing the edge of my seat!  (and mixing metaphors with the stress of it all, apparently)

Is it smart? Very much so, extremely intelligent writing.

Dramatic? And how.  Storylines are a season long, there are plot twists all over the place, and the acting is brilliant.  Glenn Close is sublime and terrifying in equal parts, and totally believable throughout.  It’s technically impressive too, with flash forwards used really well as part of the narrative.

Addictive? Very.  The seasons are only about 13 episodes long, so use as a controlled substance if you want it to last!

Worth the monies? Yes, especially if you buy the combined seasons one and two box set.  No withdrawal symptoms from the first season either, you can just start the second one straight away!  Bonus!

Gay content?  Gaytent, if you will? Not so far, but who knows what might happen in season three?  Anything!  Seriously!

(Oh yeah, it gets one Gay Tent because it has Glenn Close in it)

The second season of the multi award-winning Mad Men was released on DVD earlier this year, and a third season has just concluded on television in the US.

What’s the story then? Set in the early 1960s, the show is set at the fictional Sterling Cooper advertising agency on Madison Avenue in New York, and depicts the changing social mores of the time.

Is it funny? Some very dry humour there.  Also a lot of blatant sexism that would have been all too real then, but seems outmoded and ridiculously offensive now.  Should I be laughing?!

Is it smart? Very.  The writing is sharp and clever, the plotlines are well-structured.

Dramatic? It might be set in an office, but the intrigue and corporate turmoil keeps things ticking over nicely.

Addictive? We watched an entire series over a bank holiday weekend.  Hello, my name is bear, and I’m a Mad Men addict.

Worth the monies? Definitely, you’ll watch it more than once.

Gay content?  Gaytent, if you will? One character so far Sal, the Art Director, is a closeted gay man.  Things aren’t great for Sal, it being homophobic corporate America of the 1960’s and all, but I hold out hope that he has the courage to strike a blow for the cause.  It’s not a staple of the storyline so far, so I’ll just give it two Gay Tents.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock these past five years, you’ll have heard about The L-Word.  That said, if you had a DVD player under your rock, you’re probably all up to speed on this one.

What’s the story then? Basically it’s all about the lives of a group of lesbian, bisexual and transgender people and their friends, family and lovers in trendy West Hollywood, California.

Is it funny? There are some funny scenes.  Even funnier are the bits that are inadvertently hilarious, although I’m sure the producers didn’t intend them to be.

Is it smart? No, not really.  I’m still waiting for that lesbian show with good dialogue and a plot that doesn’t make me want to throw the television out the window and go live in a cave.  A cave without a DVD player.

Dramatic? It can be, if you count the improbable and bizarre as dramatic constructs.  Granted, they don’t skimp on the sex scenes, but many a happy orgasm does not a cohesive and watchable drama make.  But I don’t mean to be too hard on it, the L-Word will be remembered as the first lesbian TV show, and not for its wonky plotlines and lacklustre writing.  Let’s hope that things can only get better (hint:  more plausible stories, less manatee-obsessed loo-lahs).

Addictive? I weaned myself off it with relative ease, but if you’re watching for the first time, it can be a bit moreish.

Worth the monies? Hmm… depends.  The first three seasons were watchable enough, after that, too ridiculous.  However, if it’s a bit of fluff and a lot of eye candy you’re looking for, it can’t be beat.

Gay content?  Gaytent, if you will? Result inconclusive – my Lesbometer blew up after the opening credits.

Happy holiday viewing!

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It all begins in style, with the ‘Shaken Not Stirred’ Launch Night Party in the Sycamore Club on Sycamore Street in Temple Bar on Wednesday 28th October. Featuring performances by Maria Tecce and Zrazy, as well as Burlesque DJ Scarlett Nymph (a.k.a. Scarlett Pony of the Ponygirls), and visual art installations for your perusal. It’s free admission (we like that!), from 7.30pm. Don’t miss the theatre night ‘Culture Vultures’ in Outhouse, Capel Street, on Thursday 29th, featuring excerpts from Tamale Sepp’s ‘Bound and Determined’, as well as work from local artists. Tickets are €8 and are available from Outhouse.

For the weekend that’s in it, hop along to Denzille Cinema on Denzille Lane, off Fenian Street, for the ‘Daughters of Darkness’ film night on Friday 30th. Your €7 ticket gets you two free cocktails (bloody marys!) as well as a screening of ‘Vampyros Lesbos’.Guess what that’s about?! Tickets are limited, so book on the dLAF website (http://www.alafireland.com/ ) to avoid disappointment. If fine wine, cheese and stimulating conversation is your bag, then the ‘Sophisticated Mamas’ wine tasting and panel discussion should not be missed.It’s at 2pm on Saturday 31st in Eden restaurant in Temple Bar. Panellists include Tamale Sepp, Shani Williams and Emma Weafer. Tickets are €25 and available from Eden, and that includes sample wines, prosecco and… cheese! Stay in town for the day and head along to the ‘Down & Dirty’ club night at Melody Bar (122 Capel Street). As it’s Halloween, get into your fancy dress and enjoy DJs Saskia, Sally and Goldylox.

If after all of that you are still standing, go sit down in Pantibar on Sunday evening (1st November) for the ‘Comedy Comedown’. Featuring stand up from Tamale Sepp and Sharyn Hayden, screenings and a performance by DoppleGang, it’s from 6pm and it’s free! For more details of all events, check out www.alafireland.com or dLAF on My Space.

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This year the programme is divided up into four strands – Gaze Vision, Queer Heroes, Queer Curios and Gaze Specials. With such an abundance of choice, what might the discerning girl kinophile go see?! Chairperson Yvonne O’Reilly tells us it’s the best year to date for lesbian films, and gives Gaelick her picks of the Festival. So naturally, dear readers, we are passing them on to you!

It all kicks off in style on Thursday 31^st with an opening night reception at 7 pm, followed at 8.30 by the European premiere of Grey Gardens, based on the 1975 documentary of the same name. Nominated for 17 Emmys, starring Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange, it’s a before and after look at the lives of Big and Little Edie Bouvier Beale, giving an insight to their eccentricities and the characters that made the documentary a cult classic.

Friday’s highlight will be at 6.30, as Grey Gardens, the original classic documentary by David and Albert Maysles is screened, and followed by a Q&A with special guest Patricia Rozema (I’ve Heard the Mermaids Singing, When Night is Falling, Mansfield Park and for the Gate Theatre’s Beckett on Film, Happy Days). Patricia co-wrote the opening night film and will be interviewed by Gráinne Humphreys (Director of the Jameson Dublin International Film Festival) prior to the documentary.

Don’t make any plans for Saturday either! The superb Irish documentary Identities screens at 1.30pm, revealing diverse stories of the Irish trans community, and introduced by director Vittoria Colonna, it is not to be missed. Described as a “witty, erotic gothic horror”, Bandaged is the new film from veteran queer filmmaker, Maria Beatty, showing at 4.30 on Saturday. Alternatively, for the faint of heart (me), Campanillo Yes, I Do! is also on at 4.30, which is a heart-warming documentary about a small town with an openly gay mayor and a friendly and accepting population who welcome same sex couples from all over the world who arrive to get married in their town. If I wasn’t already intrigued by the Saturday night feature, Drool (with Mullholland Drive’s Laura Harring) Yvonne goes on to describe it as “Thelma and Louise the way it might have been!” Sold!

Sunday night’s must-see is the European premiere of Hannah Free, featuring Sharon Gless (Cagney and Lacey, Queer As Folk). Adapted from the award-winning play, it’s the decades-long love story of two women, one of whom is sent to live in a nursing home. Might be a tear-jerker, I’d pack the Kleenex just in case.

And there’s still one more day! Showing on Monday at 2.30, Edie and Thea: A Very Long Engagement is a moving documentary about a passionate life-long romance, from the makers of The Brandon Teena Story. Don’t forget to scoot along to the Girls Shorts at 4.30, for what I’m told is “a very fine selection of the sassiest shorts, a real treat.” Anyone that saw the amazing XXY has to make sure to get along to The Fish Child (by the same director, Lucia Puenzo) at 6.30. Based on the director’s bestselling novel El Nino Pez, this “beautifully shot fable-with-an-edge” is another definite for your list.

Impressive, no? Looks like I’ll be living in the Lighthouse for the weekend, so that’s where you’ll find me!

Full details of all films and screening times can be found on the Gaze website – www.gaze.ie. Tickets can be booked online or on the Ticket line – 01 8797601 – from 2pm-8pm daily.

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The celebrated “queer strand” of the Galway Film Fleadh, Out On Film launches with a bang next week in the City of the Tribes. The selection this year is the best yet, with feature films, documentaries and shorts to whet the appetite. Here are some of the highlights!

The Premiere of the award-winning ‘An Englishman in New York’ takes place on Tuesday 7^th July. Starring John Hurt as Quentin Crisp, with Cynthia Nixon (yes, her from Sex and the City) as Penny Arcade, it traces the writer and raconteur’s move from England to New York in the late 1970’s, and the status and celebrity he found there. Hurt looks amazing in the titular role, which harkens back to his performance in the 1975 TV film based on the autobiography ‘The Naked Civil Servant’.

‘Dolls’ is a road movie with a difference. Set in the Czech Republic, it is the story of three high school grads who decide to hitchhike to Holland for the summer, but are lumbered with an unlikely travelling companion who changes their relationships with each other, and their perspectives on impending adulthood. Showing on Wednesday 8^th July.

One more must-see is ‘Identities’, the feature documentary on Saturday 11^th July. An exploration of the transgender community in Ireland, it presents five very personal accounts, with a performance art piece to accompany each story, documenting Transvestism, Transsexualism, Drag, Sexual identity and Gender Dysphoria.

So, Go West! Out on Film runs from 7^th to 12^th July, in venues all over the city.

For more information on the festival programme, venues and screening times, check out www.galwayfilmfleadh.com or contact out@galwayfilmfleadh.com. For tickets phone 091-569777.

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www.antonyandthejohnsons.com

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Ye gods, the subtlety! “Mow it! Do it! Cut it! Trim it!” Sorry, what?! Ok, let’s review:

Girl sits inside, stroking cat, sad. She recalls that what usually cheers her up is to ‘mow the lawn’. Cut to garden carnage – lawnmowers, pruners, shears, some massive chainsaw-type trimmer thingy, all wielded by maniacal Stepford babes! They want to rid your topiary of mess, weeds and general untidiness! I’m a-scared!

Catchy tune though…

Anyway, she’s done now, stating that it “feels great to trim the hedges”. Wait a minute! Her cat! It had hair before! Pussy is now bare… hey… I get it now!

And it’s not just an English country garden affair, there’s no clover past Dover either. Regardez this, the French version:

My understanding of French is where I left it (mid-1990’s Leaving Cert), but don’t worry, symbolism strikes once more, dainty as an anvil dropped from 20 stories. Somebody’s going to have to explain all these tulip references to me though.

“Quand c’est court, c’est plus classe, et plus glamour devant la glace”. But surely it’s all a matter of taste, n’est ce pas?

So, while I am pro-doing whatever the hell you please with your pubic hair, I’m against Quattro for Women pitching their product by making women feel bad about their intimate grooming, or lack of. Silly me, I thought we’d moved on from those circa 1960’s commercials with the in-built guilt and implications that you don’t look good enough, so quick, use this product before some man sees you! The retro look and chirpy Brady Bunch music is all very jolly, but isn’t it all just about selling shame? And don’t even get me started about the stereotypes – the Asian girl giggling that some gardens are really small while she prunes her bonsai?! The black woman gamely attacking the massive bush with the hedge trimmer?! No you didn’t!

In conclusion, oi, Wilkinson Sword! Get your marketing department off my lady garden!

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