• Gaelick’s stalwart, tabula rasa, and newbie, Sinéad, put their heads together to ponder the language we use to self-describe. Here are the results!

“Queer” means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

To people like my grandmother, it means odd or strange, and she’ll often tell me that there’s a “Quare change in the weather”. To others it’s just seen as a pejorative term, which has been used to abuse them. To an ever-growing number of people, however, it’s the way they express their identity, and is the umbrella term which can be used to cover a whole host of different sexualities and gender expressions.

The best definition for “queer” as we will use it here actually comes from Wikipedia, which is:

Queer is an umbrella term for sexual minorities that are not heterosexual, heteronormative, or gender-binary. In the context of Western identity politics the term also acts as a label setting queer-identifying people apart from discourse, ideologies, and lifestyles that typify mainstream LGBT communities as being oppressive or assimilationist.

I’ll be the first to admit that up until very recently, I shied away from using the word “queer”. To me, it was what was shouted across the street while people were hurling abuse at me, it was what LGBT people were called when they were being beaten up. In short, it was always negative.

But the more I thought about it, the more important the term became. As we all know, gender isn’t a binary. There isn’t just male and female, there is both and everything in between (and outside of) these binaries. People who represent the larger spectrum of human sexuality and gender expression may not fit into the sometimes “rigidly” defined terms of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender. And there needs to be a term for people to use, to identify with, and to unite under.

Sinéad had a different experience from me regarding the Q:

For me, being queer is pretty much the most defining characteristic I have, but because of that, it is also the least noticeable. I pretty much live my life as a political statement, and that kind of behaviour is normalised very quickly.

I never associated the word with anything negative as a child, but I think that has less to do with society and more to do with how many Enid Blyton books I used to read. When I grew up and exploded out of the closet, I did so as a lesbian, but it was apparent that that was not strictly true from day one. It took me until very recently to identify as the Q that I clearly am, but that I didn’t have the vocabulary to express previously.

Saying that, I also think that identifying as Q is something we grow into. I don’t mean that identifying as LGBT is a transitory stage; I mean that, for me at least, it was an identity I could latch on to.

“LGBT” was a thing I could relate to; that accepted me; that I fit into. It provided for me the space to grow into who I am, who I always was but didn’t know it. That space is essential. Adding Q to the acronym is also essential. The idea of identifying as “other”- what an idea that would have been to a teenaged me!

And I don’t think I’m the only one. Sexuality and gender are things that develop as we grow, one way or the other or both, I think, just like everything else about us, they change as we age. Nobody dies the same person they were when they were born. And Q is a nice, simple way of expressing that idea.

For me, queer means, “Let’s just go with this, see what happens. It’s OK.” It gives me the freedom to experiment with who I am, and I love that freedom. I love being Q.

We asked our friends on Facebook yesterday to message us if they felt more comfortable self-identifying under the Q as opposed to other letters of the LGBT acronym. The response was huge. And I have to say, I learned a lot.

Many people have their own definitions for their sexuality, which ranged from pansexual to “Futagirl” (which they went on to explain as a “Feminine external expression of an internally andogenous nature”) and everything in between.

I asked a couple of people to to expand on what they meant when they said “pansexual” and both answers were pretty much identical:

Well pan is when there’s no gender consideration. Unlike bi, which is both male and female, being pansexual means that a person doesn’t have to have a definite gender to be attractive because it’s not part of the thinking process.

I then asked one of these pansexual identified people why they felt that the Q best applied to them rather than anything else, and was told:

I think it’s because “bi” feels a bit limiting […] I mean, I fall for people and although in practice I do tend towards women, in reality their gender isn’t really an issue for me. So male/female/neither/both/whatever, as long as they’re comfortable with their identity, it’s not an issue for me, so queer feels a bit more accurate.

People have many different reasons for using Q to identify themselves. For some people, it is political:

Queer for me is a political label. It tells people that I am interested in the issues of our whole community and not just (for example) in trans issues. Also, as somebody who lived as a lesbian for 10 years, is very camp, and have also been living as transgender and then transexual for the last 5 years, I don’t feel as though one label accurately reflects the total of my experience withint he community.

I also feel that if you say “queer” it tends to invite more questions about your personal journey and experience than a label like trans or lesbian as people hear that and make their own narratives and assumptions.”

For others, the Q is about not having to fit into any defined ‘boxes’:

I identify as queer because it feels very free to me. “Lesbian” always seemed not quite right as a label for me, I never felt like I fit in that mold. I like the radical nature of “queer”, and the almost aggressive nature of it. For me identifying as Q means I don’t have to fit any stereotype or gender role, which is awesome!”

Indeed, not having to fit into any particular mould is the reason most people I spoke to prefer to use the Q. Ariel Silvera told me that:

When I first came out, I used the word “queer” more often to refer to myself. I was basing that usage on understandings I gained from a lot of reading on trans and queer issues and experiences, as well as from my experiences travelling to queer communities in the UK and Germany.

She went on to say:

I did then, and still do now, see “queer” as a place of possibility and a place of flexibility. A place where my sexuality and my gender can be articulated in myriad ways, without being limited to a particular identity.

In other words, it feels like it is something which, growing from LGBT, has the potential of limitless genders and sexualities.

Others all responded in a similar vein:

In some situations it’s better than “gay” or “lesbian”, in other situations it’s easier just to say “I’m gay” and no one looks at you funny. I like queer for it’s lack of specificity: It tells you I fall outside the hetronormative without giving very personal details. (If you say “lesbian” sooo many guys in my age group instantly think “porn”.)

I like that “queer” says I have something in common with people who are trans, poly, gay, bi, anything-a-bit-less-usual because I think it’s important that there is an element of togetherness in LGBTQ, and the Q gives an umbrella we can all stand under even if we don’t have lots of the specifics in common we can still stick up for one another.

I find myself attracted to people’s personalities, who they are, rather than their gender.

I find women, men, trans men, trans women, drag queens, drag kings and all kinds of genders attractive. If I describe myself as “bi”, people - straight and gay – seem to be really keen to push me one way or another. If I had a euro for every time I’m asked, “Which do you prefer, men or women?” I’d be rich.

Being queer for me is about being attracted to anyone of any gender if I feel a chemistry with them. I’m really happy to be queer. I’d  be sad to not be able to feel attraction for someone because of their gender. Not being attracted to someone because they were perceived as female would for me be as arbitrary as not being attracted to someone because their name started with a vowel.

The appeal of the term queer is it’s versatility. It can be molded to suit the sexuality of the individual, and as a result has none of the difficult connotations of other sexuality discourse.

I call myself queer because I identify most closely with the term “lesbian” both politically and sexually, but find myself in a very happy relationship with a cis male. […] Using the term “queer” means taking back my sexuality and defining it for myself without the pressure of trying to slot into a sexuality that I didn’t actually feel.

Queer fits more of my identity than LGB or T.  For me it is considerably wider than the others, which only cover sexual orientation and gender identity.  For me Queer represents a wider rejection of heteronormativity.  It is about deciding for myself when I want to be poly or mono (or indeed whether one of those is an identity for me), what my kink orientation is, what my relationship with my gender is, who I fancy, who I fuck, how I fuck.  It gives me more space to move along continuum of sexuality and gender without being fixed within the confines of boxes that don’t entirely describe me.  It’s also political.  For me queer is politically lefty, and that fits too!

I like to use queer rather than gay because people throw the word gay around so much in a negative sense…by saying things like “OMG my leggings are so gay.” I also like it because it can be used by everyone who feels they fit into the LGBT- it’s less limiting and I think it helps people stop constantly labelling themselves.

I liked that idea – whether I am with a woman or a man I am queer – their gender identity doesn’t change who I am. Queer feels like an identity I can have forever, it’s mine and not contingent on someone else’s genitals.

For others, they use the term queer as they subvert gender norms. One person explained that for them:

“[...] Q suits me best due to my own personal identity. Some days I feel I identify more as male and bind my breasts and dress more masculine. I’m not trans, and don’t suffer any body dysphoria so I feel “queer” best describes me.

Maybe in a world where dressing masculine wasnt such an oddity I wouldn’t need the queer label but.. it is.

CanuckJacq further expanded along this line with:

“Lesbian” seems so specific. It’s just never felt right. And “gay”, that’s not quite right either. My answer to gender is usually “no”, that means I’m not trans or cis, just somewhere in-between. I don’t like the label “bi” because I believe there are more than two genders, and I’m picky like that.

But “queer” is comfortable for me. Like, I belong in the LGBT community, somewhere in between the Ls the Gs the Bs and the Ts; but where might depend on the day. And it’s nice to not feel restricted.

A recurring theme in many of the answers centred upon the area of bisexuality and how at times that term was too limiting for people due to the implied binary, as well as the problem of other LGT or heterosexual people disenfranchising those who labelled themselves as “bi”, by insisting on imposing a sexuality on them based on the gender of their partner.

Lou told me:

“Bisexuality” implies an equal interest in both sexes, which I simply don’t have. I struggled hugely with my sexuality, and found it extremely difficult to find anyone whose sexual experience was similar to mine. It was quite an isolating experience and created a situation where I lacked agency within both the straight and gay communities.

Amiee expanded on this point, except in her case people were disputing her right to identify as queer:

There are those within the community who feel Bs, Qs and quite often Ts as well, don’t belong in “their” spaces. Like any community the whole idea of “inclusiveness” doesn’t always work out so well in practice – we have to work on that.

I was recently told, by a gay man, at my own Thanksgiving party, that if I was seeing a man I couldn’t claim to be queer. I have also been asked by a straight friend why, if I am not in a lesbian relationship, I don’t drop the whole queer thing because it might make people uncomfortable.

It seems a lot of people shared my initial misgivings about the word, due to the implied negativity, and the feeling that we haven’t yet achieved full reclamation of the term. Others weren’t sure about giving up the identity they had originally used for themselves:

I had REAL issues with the use of the word queer when I first arrived at Uni as, like you say, I had only heard it in a pejorative way before then and didn’t feel ready to reclaim the word.

I felt that I was being told to by predominantly white middle-class individuals who had recently come out and, as somebody who had been out since the age of 12 and relatively isolated, I had a real history with the word being used as an abusive insult. Also, I thought to myself, “I like my label and the security of knowing where I fit in the world. ‘Lesbian’ seems to describe me and so why should I give up that hard won label in order to sit under an umbrella term?”

Initially, I didn’t want to use Q. I wanted to be able to function within a sexual sphere in which my sexuality could be considered “normal”. I wanted to be able to be part of a community and not struggle with complex sexual feelings alone. Most importantly I wanted to be able to discuss my experiences and not worry that peoples eyes would glaze over at the mention of “queer”.

I think for political purposes Lesbian is a stronger identity and would use it more.

Throughout the responses, it became to clear to me that in the Irish context, queer is definitely still a term that people are struggling with. Ariel Silvera summed this up nicely:

In the Irish context, there’s the issue that “queer” has not been reappropriated here to the same extent. It is not the same for a German person to use “queer”, a word which is used routinely in Ireland as a beat to stick LGBTQ people with. I have heard from many of my Irish friends that due to the trauma associated with people using the word queer to bully, harass, threaten and enact physical violence on them, it is impossible for them to ever reclaim it.

Others share this experience, and responded with:

I think a lot of the community find it too confrontational or too political. I remember when Queer Spraoi events were on, people saying they didn’t want to go because the name wasn’t nice.

I have encountered many LGBT people who view “queer” as a very negative word, and I can see why they would feel that way. It was used against us for a very long time. But for me I feel like we have re-appropriated it for ourselves. I guess that is a personal thing. I know I have huge problems with the word Faggot, whereas a lot of LGBTQ people I know use it all the time.

I have frequently come across instances where people feel the word isn’t appropriate to describe them and are quite hostile to its appropriation either as an individual or within the wider framework of the LGBT community.

Since Dublin LGBTQ Pride became a Ltd. non-profit company in 2006, the Q has been there. (I couldn’t find more info on whether it had the Q prior to then, so if anyone reading knows, let me know!) This is hugely positive, as for many members of our community, including the Q gives visibility.

For me, it’s a bit like saying please at the end of a request. I know that ‘LGBT’ is intended to include everyone but it does so rather specifically. Adding the Q, to me, is a bit like saying ‘and everyone else no matter how you identify, come join the party’. It’s polite but I don’t feel excluded if it’s not there.

I know several lesbians and bisexuals who feel that the male influence that is associated with the word gay takes from what they identify with. By adding the letter Q, some of the people who are under the LGBT umberella an optional identity that will allow them to just live their lives in alternative setting that is not solely concerned with the gender that they choose to have sex with.

For something such as pride where we are extending acceptance to all of the community i think the Q is very important because as with everything some people just slip through the cracks and its good to have a safety net so no one is left out.

I think having the Q sends a message that you don’t have to declare, you don’t have to be sure, you don’t have to be definitely/just/only LGBT. Q gives breathing space to people.

It is extremely important to me. Extremely important. Queers are invisible, we have no agency whatsoever and we need to be acknowledged and accepted. I’m tired of having to constantly explain myself and “queer” has excused me from that. For me, it is vital.

Writing this piece, we spoke to a lot of people. Like, a lot. So many more than we thought we would be speaking to.

Not only were there more technicoloursuperqueers than we thought, but every one of them was so open about it, so proud of the Q. And yet, quite a lot of them reported originally feeling negative about the word. In fact, quite a lot of LGBT people seem to associate Queer with being insulted.

Why is that? Why are these fantastic, special, totally unique and proud of it people not all over the place? Well, what I discovered is that they are. Out there, Queering up the mainstream, and the gaystream, and they are doing it without causing much of a fuss at all.

The word Queer has been reclaimed by individuals, what needs to happen now is for it to be reclaimed by the community. You may even identify as Q yourself, but you aren’t sure about it. Maybe you are positive in your identity, who knows? The biggest lesson writing this gave us is that you know what, it doesn’t really matter. We are here, we are Queer, and people are getting used to it.

Related posts:

1. “Work It” and the need for LGB activism on T issues
2. Let’s make trans people heard!
3. Born This Way?

The basic premise of the series is that, due to the recession, two men have to present and pass as women in order to gain employment because ZOMG IT’S A “MANCESSION” LOOK WE’RE SO HILARIOUS. They actually use the term “mancession” and blame the fact that they don’t have jobs on women… In the show, they are told that the pharmaceutical company will only hire women, as the doctors want to “nail” them more. (I really wish I was making this up, believe me.)

On account of how offensive and damaging the show could be to the general public’s perception of trans* people, the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) urged a boycott and took out a full page ad in Daily Variety condemning the show. In a statement, the Acting President of GLAAD Mike Thompson said:

This show could contribute to the high levels of job discrimination that transgender Americans face and will give license for people to mock and ridicule those whose gender expression might not fit with what society considers the norm

and that

The media should use this as an opportunity to address the huge number of inaccurate or offensive images of transgender people in news and entertainment today. [http://www.glaad.org/workit]

This is all the more poignant when you go on to read in the same statement that currently in the US, members of the trans* community can be legally fired in 34 states, that 97% of self-identified transgender people reported being harassed or abused at work and 26% reported losing their jobs simply because they are transgender. In Ireland, things aren’t much better. Research from Mayock et al (2009) found that out of 46 trans* identified respondents, over 80% had been verbally insulted, and over 39% had someone threaten to ‘out’ them. The 2009 NLGF Burning Issues Survey found trans* identified respondents stated ‘Equal rights at work’ as their top issue of concern. Harassment and discrimination both in and outside of the workplace is the simple every-day reality faced by trans* people the world over; yet ABC has chosen to make a complete mockery out of this oppression.

The debate began when someone posted a link to an article condemning Work It, adding a comment saying how offensive the show was. On a page that is full of self-identified LGBT Activists, you would naturally assume that most members of the group would be outraged by the mere existence of such a show. Disappointingly, this was far from the case. The first few comments were people basically saying “Ah sure, stereotypes are hilarious, it’s only a bit of fun, people shouldn’t be so sensitive”. I bit my tongue and waited, as I was curious to see where the conversation would go.

I looked at the thread in disbelief for a couple of hours, as comment after comment defended the show and thought Work It was not offensive to trans* people, because it’s only “two guys pretending to be women”. Some group members trudged up comparisons with films and programmes of eras past, justifying that if something like this was funny before than it is harmless now. Others even implied that Work It might even be a platform from which to inform the public about trans* issues sensitively. I found it interesting that the conversation on this activists’ forum page focused more on a debate over if Work It was indeed offensive, rather than a discussion of how it offends, or the best way for us, as LGBT Activists, to take action.

This image sums up perfectly why we shouldn’t need a group to prove to us why something is offensive or oppresive:

Thankfully, the voice of reason soon appeared in the form of Sinead Dolan (author of this post ). After trying and failing to get the others to understand why this show was dangerous to the trans* cause through a serious of well reasoned posts, she came out with this statement, which I think summed up this issue in a brilliant and succinct manner:

This show is about men actually living their lives as women, which is a totally different thing. They are going to be using the same techniques that trans people spend literally their whole lives trying to perfect, and make them into The Biggest Joke. Imagine if you were trans, and had spent years working on the makeup, and the walk, and the voice, and the way you move, literally every tiny thing your body does is a learned skill, a way to make the world see you as you see yourself. Now imagine that ABC has taken all those tiny things that are so, so important to you, to your actual survival, and is using them as the butt of every joke in one of it’s sitcoms. That’s not only offensive, it’s wildly irresponsible.

And that right there is really the crux of the issue in my opinion. Whether intentionally or not (and that’s really not the point here) ABC has created and written a show that is essentially taking the piss out of some people’s actual lives.

To the people who watch the show who are thinking “ah sure it’s grand, it’s only a bit of fun cos stereotypes are hilarious” – well, they’re not. Being the butt of someone’s jokes is never funny, particularly when it is compounded by oppression and discrimination in a similar vein in
your daily life. And the people who think that it’s all ok because the show is “only” making a mockery of drag queens/cross-dressers, well guess what? IT’S STILL NOT OK! Drag kings and queens, cross-dressers and transvestites, as well as people who identify as transsexual, transgender, genderqueer or any other variety of gender identity or expression, are all part of the trans* umbrella and the wider LGBT rainbow. We are all part of the same community, and no one individual’s reality is less than another.

Last night, I forced myself to watch Work It. Sitting through an episode was like an endurance sport, and I honestly wanted to weep by the end of it. I quickly realised how this programme relies on sexism, racism and homophobia alongside its transphobia in order to get cheap laughs at the expense of those of us with marginalised identities. Less than one minute into it, there was a rape joke. The protagonist of the piece apparently regularly compares a prostate exam to the pinball scene in ‘The Accused’ (which if you haven’t seen it, is one of the most horrific rape scenes I have ever seen in a film) in conversation with his wife regarding medical checks. Stay classy, Work It. After hearing that “joke”, I knew it could only get worse. And it really did. Next we had the friend who was bitter towards women for causing the “mancession”, and later a lovely racist joke with “I’m Puerto Rican, I’d be great at selling drugs”. All the women that work in the office are portrayed as total airheads (obviously, because women working in an office isn’t real work). They also make jokes about everything from sexual harassment to someone being a lesbian…because clearly, as she is a lesbian, one of the protagonists can now feel free to hit on her. UGH. Fucking hell, HOW DID THIS SHOW GET GREENLIT?! It is honestly the most offensive show I have ever seen. And I used to watch Family Guy!! Emphasis on the used to part of that…

I’d love to get a good discussion of this issue going here. It’s a sad fact of the LGBT movement in Ireland that so often we ignore the inequalities faced by T identified people of the acronym. And that’s to say nothing of the invisibility of bisexual people, but that’s a whole other discussion we need to have.

The LGBT movement is never going to progress if we don’t fight for the rights of the entire community. We’re either a community or we’re not, we’re either activists or we’re not. We need to wake up and realise that we can’t *just* fight for the rights of lesbian and gay people, we have to fight for equal rights for all. The roots of homophobia and transphobia are the same, in the end we have a shared experience in the LGBT community of breaking gender role stereotypes. Whether we do this through our gender identity or expression, or through our romantic and sexual relationships, we are all punished by wider society for breaking these norms. We will never eradicate homophobia as long as there is transphobia. After all, it was the trans* members of the LGBT community that kicked off the entire global LGBT rights movement in Stonewall over 40 years ago. Without them, where would we be today?

The last couple of years have seen some great leaps forward for the Irish trans* rights movement, when LGBT NOISE started campaigning on trans* issues. A trans* activist spoke at the March for Marriage, raising awareness about the Gender Recognition legislation, and how trans* people are being excluded from Civil Partnership legislation. It seemed that people were finally recognising that the trans* community has stood in solidarity with LGB efforts in Ireland for ages, and realising that we all need to work together to combat transphobia and homophobia. I was hopeful that the situation was improving, that people were coming on board, educating themselves and properly putting the T in LGBT – but then this discussion happened.

I need your help, and your suggestions. What can we do, as an LGBT community, to address this problem? How can we counter the apparent apathy among so many LGB people towards trans* issues? And, most importantly of all, what can we do to educate people on trans* issues?
For information on being a good trans* ally, please see:
http://web.mit.edu/trans/allies.html
For more information on trans* issues in Ireland, visit:
www.teni.ie
To begin exploring the concept of cisgender privilege and how it operates, check out:
http://takesupspace.wordpress.com/cis-privilege-checklist/

Related posts:

1. Missing Pieces: Parent & child, other issues
2. There’s something Queer around here
3. Let’s make trans people heard!

• Here’s another article from one of our new writers, Tole. Enjoy!

As a young gay (and by young, I mean, fresh off the train, wearing short pants, clutching my suitcase with a wide eyed stare as I entered an unknown village), I had great expectations that I would soon be charming women every night of the week and giving off the impression that I was some type of modern day Casanova.

So when this did not come to fruition, I was greatly surprised. It took me a while to figure out the root of my failings, but when I did, it came down to a number of crucial things:
 

• It appeared I had an inability to converse with people, something I had hitherto excelled at.
• When I did speak, it was often nonsensical and delivered at a very high pitch so that it seemed I was interested only in communicating with seagulls.
• Anybody I did manage to talk to with any motive of intent, was already coupled up or proved stranger and more high pitched than I was. And I couldn’t be dealing with that sort of competition.

So a chance purchase of an L Word box set (which I figured would surely teach me everything I needed to know) also happened to contain three months free membership for an online dating site. This little card gave me some hope that I could navigate the world a bit better from the comfort of my home, where I had control over my actions, free of occasional squawking noises and the like.

So, I now had the opportunity to be an ever dashing charmer with an unlimited amount of messages to woo these potential suitors with. No “soz babes I’m outta messages, if you fancy a chat add me on msn-smiley face, lol” woes for me.

However, the stress of it all proved too much after a while. The excellent banter back and forth only for it stop abruptly, the occasional drink with somebody who turned out to be incredibly boring, or bumping into that hot girl you took seven hours composing a two line message to, only to never hear anything back. My nerves quite simply weren’t able for it. And so I hung up my online lady killer boots which to my shame, never managed to get all that dirty for a finish.

Having upped my social skills a tad since then (I don’t come off as wanting to live my life on a beach anymore), I recently found myself back online. It may have been exam time. It may also have been the month I discovered a love for the unnecessary filing of all my photos in order of the number of people present in them. But if I was to be at my computer ‘revising’, I thought somebody should at least be entertaining me while I did so.

And it certainly was entertaining for a while, as I discovered that many of the same lovely faces were still online. Yet like a solid old man’s pub, they had refused to move with the times. Many of them were still “just out of a relationship, only looking for fun” (which to be fair, is always a bit of a winning statement), “still really new to this, not sure what to say” (really? But it’s three years later), while the amount of people (“new age kids” I like to call them) who spell their names with both letters and numbers was astonishing.

Of course, there were also a few gems of people in there, fun and witty. However, for the most part, it would seem that we all sat around logged in, yet not saying much. I mean, I can’t prove this for definite, just that the masses didn’t seem to be messaging me, which I found strange, given that I had personally awarded myself 4/5 stars for my new profile.

Whatever about communicating with people in real life, I’ve always found that online, you have time to think, to open and reply to a message with a great answer, and if not great, at the least, relatively engaging.

Some of the profiles provide great material to start a conversation, plenty of interests and quirks that can arm you with something slightly original to say. But yet, a lot of people continue to open with ‘Hi, how are you?’. Given that we live in Ireland, surely it’s only natural that a response to this would also include a comment on the weather, followed by an inquiry into the health of the person’s ailing grandmother and before you know it, everybody has lost interest.

I gradually became more annoyed by these messages. I just couldn’t bring myself to reply to them. And so, I asked that, if people were feeling charitable enough to message me, then dear Jesus, make it worthwhile and something that I might actually respond to.

It has kind of worked, I think. Or else I just come across as so demanding that the ‘hi how are you lol’ people, a wily bunch, know I’m probably not worth the effort. But I’ve had some good banter with a few people and have progressed towards ‘friendly acquaintance’ stage.

And just so you know, things online move like this these days:
 

• As usual you chat, and this can range from a few hours, days or weeks.
• You then become friends on Facebook to prove that neither of you is insane/a murdering kidnapper.
• You may find out that you have a few friends in common, but that you are not in fact related. Good to go.
• You maybe meet for a drink and get on well. Excellent.

This is surely the holy grail of online dating. You arrange to actually meet the person. Anything that happens after that is either terrifying or pleasant (it can always go either way to be honest).

The important thing is, that if you plan to while away a number of hours online, then make yourself interesting (although don’t lie about it. If you’re boring, then that’s just how it is), be engaging and if you are really so concerned about the person’s health, or how their weekend went, think how overly concerned you’ll be about them if you actually end up meeting and liking them. Better to open about their penchant for Anne Doyle and the vigil they now they keep for her by their bedside.

Sounds like a winner to me.

Related posts:

1. Survey: Trans* people and online support
2. A new way to flirt with April Mail
3. Survey from UCC: Gay people and online communication

After Ellen is running a poll on the site’s readers’ favourite TV couples. There were a few I recognised, and plenty I didn’t (there are shows out there I just have to start watching!) but I was a little bit jarred to read Rizzoli & Isles were included.

Don’t get me wrong. My initial forays into TV fandom included subtext couples: Xena and Gabrielle before they were canon and Alex and Olivia/Liz and Casey in Law & Order SVU (file this under “will never happen outside fanfiction“). But the other thing this list tells me is that there are actually quite a few bona fide lady-loving-ladies on television now, who actually do more than go shopping together, or work together or eat together. You know, like make out and … other stuff … together.

My love affair with subtext couples had a lot to do with the lack of actual lesbian couples on television. It was fun and validating to choose two characters who don’t hate each other (and hey, those worked too) and find a way to fit a relationship into a show that would often totally contradict that idea (often by liberally adding “manvils”: male dates who served no narrative purpose but to assert the female character’s heterosexuality). And it was fun to hang with other people on the internet who did the same.

Rizzoli & Isles (nope, not a couple either)

More and more, though, I find subtext depressing. You know, the way I find the UK’s new “You only have to not have sex for a year” relaxed gay-blood-ban depressing. A large part of making those relationships work in my head was explaining why the characters may feel they have to hide their sexuality/relationship. And more and more, there are fewer comfortable reasons for strong female characters to do that. Also, there are actual shows out there with actors playing actual lesbians on television and we’re still watching these shows that taunt us with two straight girls who are highly unlikely to ever actually fall into bed with each other (for any reason other than exhaustion)?

So, subtext fans, I have a question: what keeps you coming back to shipping gay couplings of straight characters? And do you watch shows with maintext lesbian couples too?

Related posts:

1. Copping on
2. Alainn or Appalling: Angie Harmon
3. Rizzisles Teaser

They say that French is the language of love….

Well let me be the first to tell you, it’s also the language of total confusion!

For most people, flirting is hard enough in their own language. It’s ever harder in your second language, especially when you have yet to grasp the nuances of the language, and figure out the different ways people interact with each other in a foreign country.

According to the other girls here, they have all recieved pretty much the same text message off different French boys the morning after meeting them out. The messages are usually in English, and the line is, and I quote:

Can I come to sleep in your bed tonight?

Now, I’ve always been one for subtly. And for… you know… actually having a conversation with someone before even dreaming of trying the above!! I like to give these guys the benefit of the doubt, and assume that they send those messages because they don’t have the best grasp of English.

That said, I’d never text a girl I’ve just met with “Voulez-vous coucher aver moi ce soir?” just because it’s a French phrase that I know!

But I digress. When you’re on your own turf, and you’re texting someone, you can usually figure out if someone is flirting or not, from the jokes they make to the smilies they use. But everything is different here, and people aren’t flirting when they text certain things, they’re just being French!

First the broken gaydar, now the language barrier… At least I have my giant dictionary to spend quality time with!

Related posts:

1. Où est la bibliothèque?!
2. Où est la bibliothèque?! Part 3
3. Où est la bibliothèque?! Part 2

I was curious about French women, compared to the men, as some of the Erasmus girls here have ended up being literally stalked by guys they have kissed here – we’re talking 40 texts before morning- so with the pre-existing reputation that lesbians have for U-hauling after day one, I’ll admit I was intrigued (and slightly worried)!

Anyway, we first went to Banana Bar, which is a ‘boy’ bar, but was good craic, and then decided to go dancing with the large gang of gay boys we were out with. However, the LGBT scene in Paris is so segregated that even with 14 boys, the 3 of us weren’t allowed in. Probably for the best though, I’m not sure I really wanted to go to a club with a shower and dark room anyway…

La Troisième Lieu (right) was the next stop (and the last stop as it turned out, there was some pretty awesome music that had to be danced to). Filled to the brim with every sort of girl imaginable, it seemed like a good spot to hang out. However, it didn’t have the same feeling of being able to chat to randomers in the smoking area, like you would in Dublin.

A few hours into the night, a girl walked up behind me, and said “Pardon” so I stepped aside, thinking that she wanted to move out of her way or something. A few seconds later she was still there beside me, so I put on my best confused face and said “Salut?”. Then in English (but in a lovely French accent) she said:

“My friend would like  your number”

I have been reliably informed that I really looked like a deer in the headlights at that point, because I have NO idea how one reacts to that situation, I haven’t been asked ‘for a friend’ since I was 14 and attending the ‘youth discho’ in the Roscommon GAA hall! And even then it was some boy sidling up to you on the dance floor, elbowing you, leaning over to your ear and asking, in his oh-so-romantic way:

“Will you shift my friend?!”

Which invariably lead to the following conversation:

“No…”

“Ah go on!”

“Um…no”

“Why?!”

“I…um…don’t want to…”

“Ok….will you shift me so?”

“No…you’re grand, cheers…”

Back to the night in question,. I figured I should ask who her friend was, and she pointed out a very cute girl, so I handed over the number. As you do. Except that as soon as I agreed to give her my number, I realised that I don’t actually know my number over here, so had to just give her my phone and let her take it. So that was mildly embarrassing…

Once she had saved the number, she gave me a big smile and said that her friend would text me, and wandered off to hand over  the number. The friend also looked happy, but then in true teenage disco style, she spent the rest of the evening studiously avoiding looking in my direction. It was comedy gold!

Needless to say, she hasn’t texted. This is disappointing, because I was DYING to see how she would attempt to open a conversation having sent her friend for the number.

Oh France!

Related posts:

1. Où est la bibliothèque?! Part 4
2. Où est la bibliothèque?!
3. Où est la bibliothèque?! Part 2

In June, I reviewed Break My Fall. The film, set in Hackney, follows Liza and Sally as their relationship falls apart, taking dignity, boundaries and friendships with it. Writer and Director Kanchi Wichmann was kind enough to answer a few of my questions in time for Break My Fall to be released on DVD.

Break my Fall feels really intimate, the way it explores a dark kind of relationship that doesn’t look dark to anyone else. What made you want to tell that kind of a story? Despite being a fascinating film, it was hard to watch parts. Was it hard to write and film?

The way I see this film it is zeroing in on a small moment in the protagonists’ lives and magnifying it, kind-of stretching it out. I often say in Q&A’s when asked about the structure that these events would be 15 minutes of a more conventional film, but in mine they form the whole film. So yes it is intimate as we are really going in to their world almost minute by minute in some parts and that can also make it hard to watch because we as cinema goers are not used to that level of naturalism.

It wasn’t hard to write or film – well not more than any film is to make – but what was hard was convincing people to go with this story. I have actually toned down the abusive dynamic in their relationship a lot from earlier drafts and again in the edit because people were scared that it would be too much. So it’s actually very subtle and maybe that also makes it harder because you are not being hit over the head with the abuse and the violence, but you are shown it as something almost ordinary, which I personally feel is true to life – that they fight and then they go record shopping, but again maybe that makes it hard to watch because there is not the judgement we are used to being given in a film – like she is the bad guy and she is the victim, it’s actually pretty ambiguous.

The music in the film almost feels like a character itself (along with the Hackney location). Was it difficult to find the music that set the tone you wanted?

No, I always had a very clear idea about the music, and if you take the songs away from the film and play them in sequence like a kind-of mix tape they follow the emotional journey of the film. Plus they are all bands with girls and queers in which was important to me to reflect Liza and Sally’s world on another level.

I found it interesting that almost every character showed some kind of sexual fluidity in the film, and then were faced with the older lesbian they met in the bar who ranted about bisexuals. Do you think your characters transcend the traditional labels?

When I was writing the film strangely the whole sexual orientation labels thing just didn’t occur to me, but this is something that lots of (particularly lesbian) viewers have picked up on. That Sally shags Vin at the end and Kat tries to kiss Jamie are more evidence of their isolation, their desperation and their lack of boundaries, than of any change in sexual orientation.

In Break My Fall the two girls are not shown as belonging to a lesbian community as such, so therefore when they freak out and turn to those closest they happen to be boys. In terms of Mo (the older lesbian) we cut that scene down alot in the edit and I think she comes across as more stereotypical now than was my intention. Her purpose in the story is as a mirror to Liza’s character, which Liza in her emotional state fails to recognise, so Mo’s like a kind-of warning sign to Liza.

The person playing her is someone I know and those scenes are based upon my personal experience – when I was first going out on the gay scene as a young ‘outsider’ dyke I was often cornered by older butch women who would tell me all this personal stuff whilst taking drugs together. That scene is kind of like the arrogance of youth, that Liza thinks she’s better than this person, but by the end she’s fallen pretty hard herself. And also I love older butches, and I intend to shoehorn one into every film I make somehow. I think we should see more of them on screen than we do.

I’m dying to know, what do you think Liza had planned at the end?

Well, I see the end of the film as being the ‘beginning of the end’ of Sally and Liza’s relationship. After they’ve been to Liverpool Sally will go back to the flat and Liza will still be there and they will probably fight and fuck a few more times, but ultimately Liza, by getting out of the car, has said “OK I need to get out of this situation” and she has started to walk away. The film is about a break-up, but as I said earlier we only see that moment when it changes, not the whole break-up (which in typical lesbian fashion will probably go on for months!). I certainly don’t see Liza and Sally going to counselling and sorting it all out and living happily ever after, that’s not their story.

Break My Fall is out on DVD through Peccadillo Pictures; you can buy it from Amazon here

Related posts:

1. Review: Break My Fall
2. Interview: “Looking For” Director Michelle Pollino
3. Albert Nobbs Given Fall Release Date

So as you know from my last post , I have been bemoaning the serious lack of the gay around these parts. I had somehow forgotten that this university has an entire building of Arts du Spectacle, and as we all know: if there is gay to be found, start with the theatre!

Anyway, it was one of the girls 21^st birthday last week, and we had planned on having a party, but then discovered that some of the students in the building do not take kindly to parties (even on a Friday) so we decided to have the party in a park near the university. We had invited some of the other students living in the residence, as we really need to make some French friends…so that we’ll actually speak French every now and then!

While in the park, everyone was playing drinking games and I overheard one boy (a student in Arts du Spectacle) telling one of my friends that it was difficult for him here because he’s gay. I wandered into the conversation to a) introduce myself, and b) to have a chat with him about why he was finding it so hard. After a long talk I realised that he was exactly where I was 5 years ago, so naturally I have decided to take him under my wing. But that’s a separate issue. Then it transpired that not only is he gay, but he lives with his lesbian sister and her girlfriend!

I had tea with them all at the weekend, and I have been told of one bar where lesbians supposedly hang out from time to time… It looks like operation Search For The Elusive Small Town Lesbian is making some progress! Watch this space.

Related posts:

1. Où est la bibliothèque?!
2. Où est la bibliothèque?! Part 4
3. Où est la bibliothèque?! Part 3

Just over 2 weeks ago, I packed up my stuff and got on a plane to France to begin my Erasmus year. However, I haven’t been shipped off to any bustling French metropolis, oh no. Instead I find myself in a town called Arras in Nord Pas de Calais. Never heard of it? Neither had I!

If my life was a Facebook group last week, it would have been called “The awkward moment when you think you can speak a language and then you move to a country and it turns out you don’t actually understand anything”. Où est la bibliothèque?!

I have been suffering a major case of The-Only-Gay-In-The-Village syndrome for the past couple of weeks. This new column will trace my adventures trying to discover a gay scene in a small French town.

The problem with France is that it breaks your gaydar. And I pride myself on my gaydar, I have literally never been wrong. The one time I was wrong, she actually came out four years later, so I was retrospectively right. And that’s all that matters. See, none of the usual signifiers apply here, as European women have stolen everything that makes you “obviously” gay in Ireland. On Friday, I saw a girl in baggy jeans, checked shirt, boots, tattoos, piercings and dog-tags. In Ireland, this would have screamed lesbian to me. But she was with her boyfriend. It’s terribly confusing. At home, one can play the game “Spot the gay” to one’s heart’s content. However, when on mainland Europe, you have to factor the game “Gay or European” into your game of “Spot the gay”. And that’s where it gets confusing!!

I also saw a girl in dungarees the other day. But she’s probably just French. I know I am stereotyping here, but that’s what makes “Spot the gay” fun! None of the other Erasmus students are even a tiny bit gay. Everyone one of the girls have boyfriends. And I haven’t seen any other students that seem to be either. Indeed, I keep getting a lot of stares around the campus, as I dress in quite a “dykey” way I suppose.

I’m 90% sure I encountered a girl of the Sapphic persuasion in the toilets of the Irish bar the other night (don’t ask) but in the typical lesbian way of things, we ignored each other and avoided eye contact by staring at the ground!

There is nothing more disconcerting than Google-ing a place name and ‘gay’ and coming up with basically no results. And gaydargirls and pinksofa have similarly turned up nothing. I’m not on the search for someone to date or anything, just on the search to find a “scene”. This town is making me miss Dublin a lot. Plus, there is no nightclub at all, never mind a gay bar. I think I’ll be spending a lot of my weekends in Paris and Lille…but until then, the search for the elusive small town French lesbian continues!

Related posts:

1. Où est la bibliothèque?! Part 2
2. Où est la bibliothèque?! Part 4
3. Où est la bibliothèque?! Part 3

But whilst I am distracted for the day job, I shall still do my best to get the latest headlines to you good readers! Let’s start with news that Gooner is not going to like.

Chely Wright is married a year after revealing she’s a lesbian

A comment she made last year is fitting given this weekend’s celebration: “I feel like I’m floating,” Wright said after coming out. “It’s like my friends who are in the know, which are not many, and my family members who know, which isn’t all of them, are lifting me up to get through this.”

Congrats Chely!

In She deserves a jolly good boot up the ass Award we go to New Jersey New Jersey Bridal Shop Refuses to Sell Wedding Gown to Lesbian Bride

Bride-to-be Alix Genter, who is gay, reportedly was shopping for a wedding gown for her pending nuptials to her partner when she found the dress of her dreams at a shop in Somers Point, N.J. One problem: after realizing that Genter was gay, Donna, the shop’s manager, reportedly refused to sell her a dress that would be used in any “illegal actions.” According to the Philadelphia Inquirer, the manager went on to tell Genter that, “there’s right, and there’s wrong. And this is wrong.”

Meanwhile E Online, always one to ask the ‘thought provoking questions’ asks Are Advertisers Quitting Pretty Little Liars Because of Lesbian Character?

The FFA launched a campaign earlier this year asking advertisers to pull ads from the show because of Emily’s romantic relationships with other women, which they called “irresponsible imagery.”

Deportation Halted For Lesbian Mexican National In Same-Sex Marriage

Christine O’Donnell calls Piers Morgan ‘sexist’ and ‘creepy’ over gay marriage interview

We call Christine a nutjob but hey that’s just us

Wow, a politician that keeps his word?!

Fulfilling promise, Vermont governor marries lesbian couple

While traveling the state last year as a candidate for governor of Vermont, Peter Shumlin did what many politicians do. He made a campaign promise.

Specifically, he met Michelle “Mitch” Beck, 55, and Ann Beck, 56, a lesbian couple from Royalton, Vt., at a campaign event. After the couple thanked him for the work he had done in the state Legislature to legalize same-sex marriage, he asked them if they were married.

“We said no,” Ann Beck told The Times. “Then he said, ‘Well you wait, when I’m governor, you come to my office and I’ll marry you.’ ”

Remember that cute lesbian couple on Skins? Where Are They Now: A Love Letter To The UK Skins

Australian sperm donor loses fight with lesbian couple

An Australian man who donated sperm to a lesbian couple has been told by a court that his name must be removed from the child’s birth certificate.

A court in Sydney ruled that the birth mother’s former partner had the right to have her name on the certificate, even though the couple split in 2006.

Cuba celebrates its first transgender wedding

A gay man and a transgender woman have married in a first-of-its-kind wedding for Cuba.

Ignacio Estrada, 31, and Wendy Iriepa, 37, tied the knot as a transexual couple on Saturday at a government marriage office, where they signed a marriage certificate, exchanged rings and kissed before a state official.

and that’s a wrap!

Related posts:

1. A Suppa Earl Gae
2. A Suppa Earl Gae
3. A Suppa Earl Gae

Let me start by saying I am out. Very out. Out in work, out in my life, out to the stage where myself and the better half have been in a couple of newspapers and had a random person in work come up and congratulate me. Not on being out, on getting wed So why on earth am I having an issue with coming out again?

I train with a kickboxing club, it’s good for fitness and it’s great for stress relief, I cannot recommend it enough. I have seen these people on a fairly regular basis over the last few years and on a Saturday there’s a women’s-only class, which I attend and would do chit chat with them. I let it slip a few weeks ago that I am getting married (on Friday week if you want to know the exact

date Cards can be sent to Gaelick HQ.)

I’m very excited about it, naturally, and so it just bubbled out. A couple of the women have been chatting excitedly back and forth the last couple of weeks about it, basic snippets of conversation but I feel like I am lying to them everytime I play the prounoun game. What is wrong with me? Why on earth should I care at this stage in my life? Why didn’t I just say “her” at the start?

As I was saying to my friend whilst ranting over how silly I am being about it, is there ever going to be a stage where one doesn’t have to come out? When the youngster has moved us into a lovely little ole nursing home and the lady who runs it asks if we are okay with a double room?! Who knows!

Am I afraid they won’t talk to me? They’ll decide to use their martial arts against me? What?! I don’t get it. I was so close last week when one of the girls asked how long I’d been going out with my partner, I have a feeling she knows as she never used husband, boyfriend, or the he word in general. I said 12 years and she replied “Long enough!” That was my opening to say “well its only been legal this year” but I became a nervous fumbling wreck! I was so annoyed with myself. So, I have my last Sat class with them for a few weeks this Saturday and I am going to bite the bullet and just go for it. More than likely the convo won’t come up. If only they had Ninja lesbian t-shirts I’d be sorted

Related posts:

1. OutLook competition coming tomorrow!
2. A Suppa Earl Gae

DUBLIN’S HOTTEST GIRLS NITE! at the fabulously newly revamped super sexy ACADEMY Green Room on Abbey St, Dublin 1.

3 Bars and the hottest tunes partying until 2.30am!
11pm to late. €10.
Fabbie Drink Promos!
Mojitos €4
Morgans spiced slushies (yum!) €4
Mickey Finns flavours €3
Fat frogs €10
2Vodkas and red bull €10

3bt miller €10
3bt stella €10
3bts San Miguel €10

NEXT DATES:

FRIDAY 16TH SEPTEMBER
FRIDAY 21ST OCTOBER
FRIDAY 18TH NOVEMBER
FRIDAY 16TH DECEMBER

—–DONT MISS IT!!!!! —–

• Girlicious on Facebook

• ClubGirlicious on Twitter

Related posts:

1. Review: Here Come the Girls 3
2. Interview with V.A.G. (Very Angry Girls)
3. Miss Match Monthly Women’s Night

Although that has recently become the standard response to any relationship woes for a lot of my social circle, this time we’re talking about something more than a handy response to any problem. There is a new night on the horizon, and it’s again different to past nights, so could be worth heading along to.

This night has taken note of the demand for more BYOB (Bring Your Own Bottle/Beer) events in Dublin and the event description encourages everyone to “Bring your own booze and let’s get loco”

Taking place in the @JamFactoryCafe at 134 James Street in Dublin 8, the event is over 21s so bring your ID as well as your own drink!

Bitches Be Crazy will initially be held on Saturday 6th August, but the subsequent ones will be held on Fridays.

Kicking off at 8pm, the DJs on the night include Ragin Spice, Kay Z and Una Mullally.

Admission is €10, but as it’s BYOB, you’ll be able to have a great one on the cheap.

Bitches Be Crazy

@JamFactoryCafe, 134 James Street, Dublin 8.
August 6th
10 euro
BYOB

Check them out on Facebook

Related posts:

1. Bitches Be Crazy? Witches Be Crazy
2. Bitches be hazy…
3. One big room, full of bad bitches

Spoiler warning for Episodes 1 and 2 of Season 4 which have not aired yet in Ireland.

Now that Glee is over for the summer, I have had to turn my television attention to my other TV love, True Blood. And oh, even after such a long absence, it does not disappoint.

We were teased a week or so ago that one True Blood character that had so far been heterosexual would be involved in a very gay romance. They said it would be a character we wouldn’t expect.

And that may or may not be true, because this particular character tripped my gaydar from the very first episode of Season 1.

But in the first episode of Season 4, we got a glimpse of Tara’s new life and new love (Naomi, played by Vedette Lim), even if Tara is now living under a pseudonym.

So, the show that could happily cage-fight Glee for the gayest show on television has introduced another queer character. Happy? You betcha. I’d be happier if the girlfriend had turned out to be petite and blonde and a not-very-good Sookie replacement, but that’s the not-so-secret Tara and Sookie shipper that I am speaking.

And it appears, although Tara’s using a different name while she’s all loved-up in New Orleans, she has kept in touch with her cousin Lafayette and he knows all about her relationship.

So is Tara a lesbian? Is she bisexual? Is she just giving up on men after the supernatural-scale disasters that were her last two relationships?

Rutina Wesley, who plays Tara, says she was surprised at first, but thinks it all makes sense.

After I thought about it, I was like I can see that. She’s got some new skin so to speak and she’s living life to its fullest and I think that’s a beautiful thing honestly to see a person go through that sort of change. Without putting any labels to it, she sort of fallen in love and that’s OK, you know. I just think that’s amazing.
Autostraddle

So, who watches True Blood? What do you think? Has Tara always been bi-tastic, or is she under someone’s spell?

Related posts:

1. True Blood Finale
2. Alainn or Appalling: Anna Paquin
3. Evan Rachel Wood Comes Out as Bi

Now, I’m  not an educated person, and until recently, I didn’t really know what that meant. I mean, I’d heard it applied to white girls with dreads, but I never really paid much attention. And then, Glee‘s Dianna Agron (who plays Quinn) wore a t-shirt on stage that says “Likes Girls”. In the context of the show, that was definitely meant to say something. And then she wrote a post on her tumblr to explain her feelings about LGBT rights. And people complained because she was appropriating a subculture that is not her own.

But then, we learned a lot more about people who appropriate cultures (or subcultures, or many cultures) in more sinister ways. The Gay Girl in Damascus blogger turned out to be a married, straight guy in Edinburgh. He was “outed” by a friend of mine, Paula Brooks, who ran the Lez Get Real blog that helped the fake Amina get set up in the first place.

And, then, for me, it got so bizarre I am still reeling from it.

You’ll have to excuse me if this gets a little personal. The last couple days have been some of the most bizarre hours of my life.

You see, when I started writing for Gaelick, I was approached to write for an American lesbian news site called Lez Get Real. I was contacted by a person called “Paula Brooks” who introduced herself to me as a blogger whose day job was a researcher and producer with MSNBC in Washington D.C.. She told me that her military-pilot wife of 10 years had died of breast cancer. She told me she’d done work with James Cameron. She was (more recently) engaged to a FBI agent, called Stephie, who was 41 years old, Jewish, and really amazing in bed. The good folks over at Bilerico Project have written a very good summary piece about the life of the fictional Paula Brooks.

IM is wonderful, and I interact with dozens of people around the world using it. It also keeps full logs of conversations. (Please ignore the Maddow fangirling on my part.)

27/12/09

Paula: I am pretty focused

I do production research

for all the MSNBC primetime shows

6:02 PM me: nice! I’d love to do research

Paula: and I met some cool peeps in my job

me: I’d say so!

Paula: yeah that is what i have done pretty much since I got my degree

6:03 PM I worked for the Camron Bros for a bit.

Paula: then I taught

well i got my job

with NBC

because I had press creds

thru the blog

6:04 PM and Keith Olbermann

“discovered me”

and hired me

me: Nice. He seems pretty cool.

His special comment on same sex marriage made me all weepy

6:05 PM Paula: yeah he is passionate

sometimes that makes him hell to work for

me: yeah, temper?

Paula: I like doing stuff with Maddow

me: Oh God, who wouldn’t?

Paula: she is a really cool head

Now, I’m a cynic and have a reasonable bullshit detector (the amount of times I’d tried to find some proof of Paula’s qualifications… I don’t even know). Through the more than a year I’ve corresponded with Paula Brooks, I’d come to accept that she was one of those people who just lied. It bothered me, and it certainly kept me from really feeling engaged with the rest of the site’s writers.

I believe, as well, we were all fed lies about the others, in an effort to keep us from talking together too much. The ongoing tensions between the main contributors, Melanie Nathan (read her story on Bilerico) and Bridgette (and her mother Linda) LaVictoire, was possibly fueled by Brooks as a protective mechanism.

I never suspected — even when it was suggested to me several days ago — that Paula was not a lesbian. You know, the job — at the Smithsonian — probably wasn’t real. And maybe the twins. And maybe the old job at MSNBC was made up too. But I never suspected she was lying about her gender or sexual orientation.

She also told me that she was molested, by priests, as a child at a school for the deaf. According to the interview Bill Graber did with the Washington Post, that might be the only true thing I ever knew.

27/12/09

Paula: well i have first hand experience

I was in a Catholic School for the Deaff

got molested

me: are you deaf?

Paula: yeah

deaf as a stone

11:04 AM me: that’s gotta be tough in your business.

Paula: no

not really

I work on Capitol Hill

and they have me read lips

11:05 AM of the guys that think they are in a private hudle

me: sweet

Paula: That is why NBC has such good Capitol hill stories

28/12/09

8:20 PM Paula: now my dad is not a big fan of Dan Choi

me: He’s a bit outspoken — and he’s looking for attention.

Paula: he says he is a gamer

me: BUT those people are often the most effective, whatever their motives.

Paula: dad is an acadmey grad

8:21 PM so theyy have this code

he says

Choi had better ways to work this

and still keep the code

what ever that is

8:22 PM but I was the one who found Choi

and put him on Maddow

so I really pissed off my dad

on that one

me: I’d say.

Paula: if you ever notioce me quoting

8:23 PM unnamed pentagon soures

that soucre

would be my dad

me: lol

Paula: he hates that

8:24 PM says he has a press shark in is kitchen

and is afaid to say anything

around me

if it does not end up on NBC

I made the mistake of recommending my friend, our revered webmaster, to help with some technical things that she needed done on the site. It went from a small update to a month’s worth of consultancy work, for which she was never paid. Paula told her that she couldn’t afford to pay because her twin daughters would go hungry. Paula told me that Melanie Nathan had run away with the money. God knows what she told anyone else.

It was quite a while back that I started backing off and making excuses. The stories I was being asked to write were crazier and crazier and I was being asked to accept her word on things, and I just couldn’t. But we stayed in touch. Our last chat was about her newly adopted son.

As much as it is offensive that a random guy who calls himself an ally would make up a lesbian identity so he could be “taken seriously” — what? it’s not enough to be taken seriously in every other sphere of life? You have to get the gays to pay attention too? — what gets me more is the personal betrayal he perpetrated against the people he calls, in the Washington Post interview, “my online family.”

I’ll leave you with our final conversation, for an extra sense of surreal.

23/05/11

Paula:

I adopted another kid

me: yes!

you told me

but I was drunk, and in Dublin

so I wasn’t able to chat

Paula: dont know wtf I was thinking

me: no?

10:16 PM Paula: I dont like the 2 I have

me: lol

but you liked this one

Paula: yeah he is nice

very sweet boy

very unlike is mean sisters

10:17 PM me: he’ll learn to hold his own

Paula: but I got some very nice crayon b day cards this morning

me: aw

Paula: from all of them

those are the best

me: You’re becoming a real mama hen

Paula: even if they are in twinese

me: What’s his name?

10:18 PM Paula: Joshua

me: Love that name

10:26 PM Paula: I love the boy

10:27 PM he is a real sweety

he is deaf

me: yeah, I remember that from when you met him

Paula: but sooo smart

him coming here

was like turning on a light

10:28 PM its funny to watch him too

a month ago he was living in the middle of the rain forest with Menonite Missionaries

10:29 PM now he is in Washington DC

me: that’s a change!

Paula: but just getting everything

10:33 PM me: how old is he?

10:34 PM Paula: 3

time to go home see u when I get there

me: cool

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Dublin Pride kicks off today with 10 days of events, check out their website for a full list And we did put it on our FB page but in case you missed it, Tack-o-Rama Carroll’s on Westmoreland Street are stocking offical Dublin Pride merchandise including t-shirts, rainbow feather boas, whistles and flags.

Va. inmate sues after gruesome tries at sex change

“This is not a choice. Transsexuals are born and not made,” said Brown, an expert in gender identity disorder. “If you didn’t have this condition, why would you want to have your genitals removed, if not by a competent surgeon but by your own hand?”

Brooke Vincent Will Miss Her Lesbian Love Scenes

and we will miss you Brooke you wee cutie!

Last month, a billboard went up in Alamogordo, New Mexico. Carrying the endorsement of New Mexico Right To Life, it announced that a woman had decided to “kill our child.” Now the woman, Nani Lawrence, who apparently had a miscarriage, has successfully sued to have the billboard taken down and be granted an order of protection.

Good news from down under! Most Australians see gay marriage future: poll
I read that to mean most Australians want to get gay married :O

Transgenderism and transsexualism are expressions of life-loving invention

Natalie Portman, Benjamin Millepied Say “I Do” to Gay Marriage

“Natalie Portman and her fiancé, Benjamin Millepied, are in love and believe all loving couples should be able to share in the freedom to marry without discrimination,” Evan Wolfson, the organization’s president, said.

“That is why they are joining the more than 100,000 people on Freedom to Marry’s Say ‘I Do’ open letter calling on the president to do the right thing and become part of America’s majority for marriage.”

Bisexual men sue gay softball event after being disqualified for ‘not being gay enough’

The men’s lawsuit alleges that they were individually questioned about their sexuality – in a room containing as many as 25 people. Panel members then voted on whether they men were gay or not.

Anti-homophobia events in 17 Turkish cities

Following the state House of Representatives, Connecticut’s Senate passed a bill last week protecting transgender people from all kinds of discrimination — and Democratic governor Dannel Malloy has promised to sign the legislation.

and that’s all folks!

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If you need inspiration, check out this clip from Bugsy Malone:

watch?v=hNfB58oBjA0

There are some pretty amazing acts performing on the night including Very Angry Girls and Elaine Mai. Gaelick can also reveal that Leanne Harte will be playing. With DJs Mo, Jules and Proud Mary on the decks, you’ll definitely be dancing all night.

Watch this space for more annoucements about Dyke Night as we get more details.

See you all there!!

Related posts:

1. *Gaelick Exclusive* The Trouble Is are playing the Pride Night Party
2. Dublin Pride 2011 Events Listings
3. Dublin Pride needs your arty side!

The Dublin Pride Parade will take place on Saturday the 25th of June this year. The official Pride Night Party (Delerium) will be taking place that night in the Purty Kitchen. The night will feature various bands and DJs, both home-grown and international, and promises to be nothing short of an amazing night.

We here at Gaelick towers are able to exclusively reveal that Dublin band The Trouble Is will be playing at this event. The Trouble Is is made up of three band members, Pamela Connolly(Vocals & guitar),
Peter Ashmore (Drums & vocals) and Gav Behan (Bass & vocals) I caught up with Pamela and Peter, to discuss the band’s roots, musical stylings and hopes for the future.
How did you meet and when did you guys first get together?

Pamela: I had been playing gigs on my own for a long time, and then a friend suggested that I should get a band together.

Peter: Myself and Pamela were in secondary school together but didn’t really know each other.

Pamela: We were in art class together, but that’s it. Gav was not an original member of the band. When our original bassist left, Gav joined. Peter and Gav have been best friends since playschool!

Where did the idea for the name of the band come from?

Pamela/Peter: A book!

Pamela: You know how Destiny’s Child picked their name by going through a book [the Bible], stopping at a random page and using the words they landed on? I was reading some self-help book, and we flicked through that and stopped on a random page.

Peter: But it The Trouble Is was a bit down from where we stopped!

How would you describe your sound?

Pamela: That’s a really hard question!

Peter: Indescribable!

Pamela: I’d say we’re-

Peter: Poppy melodic?

Pamela: Indie pop band…more pop than indie.

What are your musical influences?

Pamela/Peter: We were just talking about this yesterday! We all have different influences really.

Pamela: Mine would be Elliott Smith, Tegan and Sara…

Shocking that!

Pamela: *laughs* Yeah, generic lesbian! Also Metric for me!

Peter: Metric are one of mine as well.

Pamela: I think a lot of 90′s pop music, boy groups, girl groups, *NSync…

Are you sure you want to admit to liking *NSync?

Pamela: Of course, I love them!

I won’t lie, I do love the Backstreet Boys…

Peter: Taylor Swift is one of my influences.

Pamela: Should we answer for Gav? His would be Eliot Smith as well, and Paul Simon.

When writing songs, what do you use for inspiration?

Pamela: I mainly write about current issues with myself, like love and stuff. But I’m not writing so much about that anymore.

Are you the main songwriter so?

Peter: Pamela writes the basics, and gives them to us. Then we make changes and mould it into an actual song together.

What age did you start playing guitar/drums?

Pamela: I think I was around 15

Peter: I started playing drums when I was 12. Randomly, Gav and I started playing guitar in the same week by chance when we were in 5^th class. So maybe 11 for both of us playing guitar.

What has been your favourite gig so far?

Pamela: The EP Launch for definite. The atmosphere was incredible, and the fact that everyone there for us. People were into it, and dancing and everything.

Peter: Plus, we made loads of money!

How do you feel about playing the Pride Night Party?

Pamela: We’re super excited, never done something that big before!

Peter: It’s actually our first gay-orientated gig. Which is weird cos Pamela would be fairly well known on the scene.

Some bands worry about being pigeon-holed as a gay band if they play gay venues, is this something that has ever been a worry for you?

Pamela: Not at all!

Peter: Playing gay venues doesn’t mean you’ll be pigeon-holed as a gay band, but no one wants to be pigeon holed for anything.

Pamela: We have a lot of fans who aren’t fans just cos I’m gay. Even if we were to be pigeon-holed, it wouldn’t be the end of the world as long as someone is listening to and enjoying our music.

How did you go about getting the EP produced?

Pamela: We did it all in Peter’s shed, he put it all together last summer.

Peter: It was very free to produce because of this!

Where can people get their hands on a copy of your EP?

Pamela: You can get it in Tower Records on Wexford Street and at all of our gigs.

Will they be available at the Pride Party?

Pamela: Hopefully!

Peter: It’s my job to remember to bring them!

Pamela: You can stream the EP [links below] and download all the old songs there too.

What can we expect from The Trouble Is in the future?

Peter: That’s such a vague question, it’s really hard to answer…

Pamela: Success!

Peter: Who knows what could happen, maybe Louis Walsh could be our manager! Seriously though, just to be recognised for our music.

Pamela: For people to recognise our name….I want to be famous enough to go out with Lindsay Lohan!

How about you Peter, any celebrities you want to be famous enough to go out with?

Peter: Taylor Swift!!

To learn more about The Trouble Is, check out http://www.facebook.com/#!/TheTroubleIs?sk=info

You can download all their old tracks at http://thetroubleis.bandcamp.com/

The band also have a Youtube channel: http://youtube.com/thetroubleislive

The EP artwork was done by local illustrator and designer Rachel Feury, and you can see more of her work at www.johnradclyffehall.tumblr.com

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Santana originally started off as a simple, two-dimensional character, there to flank Quinn Fabray as her second-in-command. It was her job to supply bitchy looks and narrow-eyed hair flicks when annoyed. The character began to evolve into something more when she joined Glee Club and started to show us a different side. Not necessarily the soft(er), sweet(er) side we know of now, but skimming the edges of that just barely.

When the pregnancy angle was reaching its climax, because the true identity of the father was close to being revealed and the Glee club’s future was on shaky legs, it was revealed, in the briefest of moments, that Santana and Brittany were in fact more than just BFFs. The exact moment was in a 3-way phone conversation:

Mercedes: I thought you and Puck were dating?
Santana: Sex is NOT dating.
Brittany: Yeah if it was, Santana and I would be dating.

Cue many jaws hitting the floor across the world and both myself and my sister screeching at one another with ridiculous grins upon our OMG faces. Of course everyone thought this would be one of those little background jokes for Glee like Sue Sylvester’s Nazi-hunting parents or Ken Tanaka, but as the internet exploded with Santana and Britana fics, the story grew.

As you all probably know, Glee can be a tad mental with its character development, and so Santana was a bit hard to ‘get’ at time. She went from being a bitchy, attitude girl who had a no-strings-attached sexual relationship with Noah Puckerman (Puck), to having a sneaky carnal relationship with Brittany but still refusing to acknowledge any labels, while still remaining sexually active with the males (she bedded Finn in an attempt to be like Madonna), and finally stole Sam from Quinn by revealing Quinn’s secret relationship with Finn, only to realize she didn’t really want Sam at all.

The way the character of Santana goes seems to paint her as this awful, cruel bitch who just happens to be smoking hot. Yes, I’ve had times where I just couldn’t stand her absolute cruelty and how much she resembled thousands of other mean girls, but how great was she as that mean girl? Granted, I didn’t want to see her on screen for a while because of it, but that meant she was doing her job and doing it damn well. I was sick of the sight of her, because lets face it, a pretty face can’t really account for an ugly personality. That is, until it was revealed what her problem was.

Now, to provide this information in an easy-to-follow way let me bring you to the beginning of one of the episodes that rocked the ravenous fic-heads everywhere. Brittany and Santana. On a bed. In their cheerleading uniforms. All. Over. Each. Other. Brittany begins to talk about feelings, Santana doesn’t want to hear it. She says she’s only with Brit until Puck comes back, and so all of us at home have our hopes crushed. She appears only as a heartless, horny girl, using her best friend who clearly wants more. After Brit is slighted and hurt, she turns to Arty and begins a relationship with him, much to the chagrin of Santana (and lesbians everywhere). They remain BFFs and Santana convinces Brit it’s not cheating because they’re girls *totally obvious wink to the reader here*.

Long story short, when Brit refuses to continue to satisfy Santana carnally, because she wants to explore what this feeling is, they approach Ms Holiday (played by Gwyneth Paltrow) and perform the Stevie Nicks song Landslide together, revealing the sweet, soft and vulnerable Santana that’s been hiding in there all along. She cares deeply for Brittany, but still can’t admit to who she is in public. The moment my heart broke for her was in that same episode:

I wanted to thank you for performing that song with me in glee club. Because it’s made me do a lot of thinking. And what I realized is why I’m such a bitch all the time. I’m a bitch because I’m angry. I’m angry because I have all of these feelings, feelings for you, that I’m afraid of dealing with because I’m afraid of dealing with the consequences. And Brittany, I can’t go to an Indigo Girls concert. I just can’t.

She loves Brittany, but simply can’t out herself. She wants to be with her, but can’t face what might happen if she’s open about it.

Santana: I want to be with you, but I’m afraid of the talks and the looks. I mean, you know what happened to Kurt at this school.
Brit: But, honey, if anybody were to ever make fun of you, you would either kick their ass or slash them with your vicious, vicious words.
Santana: Yeah, I know, but I’m so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back. Still, I have to accept that I love you. I love *you*, and I don’t want to be with Sam, or Finn, or any of those other guys. I just want you. Please say you love me back. Please.

Is that not just achingly beautiful? All of her anger, all of her cutting, bitchy meanness and all of her cruelty stemmed from her confusion, and then her realisation of her love for her best friend.

Now, of course, you can’t just forgive everything because she had issues, but man was it an amazing way to totally redeem her character and do it so smoothly. Usually, characters and their new directions (heh) or total changes are done and just seem so daft and random. Santana’s journey was amazing. Although she began as this awful, mean person, when they brought her to this point it seemed to flow together perfectly.

Santana Lopez is cruel, sarcastic, and difficult. She is mean, calculating and sometimes heartless. But she is also caring, utterly defensive of her loved ones, tough and strong in so many different ways. She is just a teenage girl in a high school in Ohio where being different at all means being singled out and tormented, and she’s struggling to come to terms with who she is versus who she appears to be. Yes, she knows she’s a lesbian and she knows she’s in love with Brittany, but she’s still scared to let any of this be known to the rest of the world, for fear of being hurt emotionally or worse, bullied because of how she feels and how she is.

Santana Lopez is probably one of the best characters in Glee, and I’m not just saying that because of her orientation or the fact that she can look ridiculously good in just about anything. She has flair, she’s got some amazing one-liners, and she’s hard as nails while still being soft on the inside. And have you heard her sing? Try to tell me you can’t click the Alainn button there. Didn’t think so.

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Mischief  is a new night which started in The George bar a few weeks ago. Taking place every Friday, the idea behind the night is that each week has a different theme, and so far the organisers have gone all out to give the clubbers in attendance the best experience possible.

The theme of the initial Mischief was a Thai Full Moon Party, which was basically a UV paint party, and was an excellent night. There were literal buckets of alcohol!  The following week featured a Jagerbomb Party, last week was a Eurovision Party and this week showcases the first Beach Party ever held in the George.

The Beach Party@The George looks set to be the most elaborate theme yet, with the club promising:

Massage Huts!
Tanning Booths
Free lays on arrival
Drinks served in neon buckets
Beach Balls!
21 Degrees inside the club!
Paparazzi
Very best beach party tunes!
Fire Dancers
Fire performers

It looks like Mischief will continue to bring a diverse range nights and themes to the scene, so I would recommend people go along and check it out.

For a chance of getting on the cheap list/VIP guest list, comment on the Facebook event wall here: http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=131317056943585

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