gaelick » Mia Kirshner http://www.gaelick.com an irish lesbian ezine Thu, 09 Feb 2012 13:30:44 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.1 The Last Word: The L Word finalé – live blogging (ish) http://www.gaelick.com/2009/03/the-last-word-the-l-word-finale-live-blogging-ish/1521/ http://www.gaelick.com/2009/03/the-last-word-the-l-word-finale-live-blogging-ish/1521/#comments Mon, 09 Mar 2009 20:30:36 +0000 click here http://www.gaelick.com/?p=1521 Greetings! With the assistance – or hindrance – of modern technology, some of us Gaelickers are now gather around d’telly, ready to live-blog The L Word finalé, after the fact. Just because we can. And you can join in, too, if y’like!

We’ll bring our instant, primal, gut reactions to the latest load of nonsense foisted upon lesbian telly land by Ilene Chaiken – and (technical glitches permitting) you can contribute your thoughts, as we go.

Let’s go!

(Techy glitch.. Take 28347836 – let’s go!)

Follow us here at 8:45pm – LINKY!
Pin the tail on the dykey!

Gaelickers have a quick game to get through the techy hiccups :)

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]]> http://www.gaelick.com/2009/03/the-last-word-the-l-word-finale-live-blogging-ish/1521/feed/ 5 Final Episode of L Word – Live Blogging (ish) http://www.gaelick.com/2009/03/final-episode-of-l-word-live-blogging/1502/ http://www.gaelick.com/2009/03/final-episode-of-l-word-live-blogging/1502/#comments Fri, 06 Mar 2009 16:53:28 +0000 click here http://www.gaelick.com/?p=1502 Yes, we’re several episodes behind on our recapping, but this weekend sees the finale of The L Word being aired Stateside. So, with the assistance of modern technology, us Gaelickers have decided to gather around d’telly on Monday night and live-blog what we see. Just because we can. And you can join in, too, if y’like!

We’ll bring our instant, primal, gut reactions to the latest load of nonsense foisted upon lesbian telly land by Ilene Chaiken – and (technical glitches permitting) you can contribute your thoughts, as we go.

We’ll be settling down at 7pm GMT this Monday (9th March 2009), so stay toooned!

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]]> http://www.gaelick.com/2009/03/final-episode-of-l-word-live-blogging/1502/feed/ 0 The L Word: Season 6, Episode 6 “Lactose Intolerant” Recap http://www.gaelick.com/2009/03/the-l-word-season-6-episode-6-lactose-intolerant-recap/1493/ http://www.gaelick.com/2009/03/the-l-word-season-6-episode-6-lactose-intolerant-recap/1493/#comments Tue, 03 Mar 2009 13:55:29 +0000 HAL http://www.gaelick.com/?p=1493 Warning: Contains spoilers, spoiled brats and a spoiled idea or two.

Poopy Party: “I don’t like the look of it!” No, not the screams of thousands of lesbians watching the show but the opening strands of the Oopma Lumpa song from Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. It tuns out that Jenny is continuing down the road of inappropriate behaviour by throwing a baby shower for Max. It’s in the style of Willy Wonka so all of our gals are decorating Shenny’s place with oversized ‘candy’ and singing along out of tune, with Jenny overseeing events. It turns out that this is Max’s favourite story; Jenny remembers that but not his gender?

Bette questions how appropriate the party is – yay! – because kids get killed in the movie – boo! – according to Jenny, however, they don’t get killed, they get punished. Foreshadowing anyone?

Herr Jenny asks where the Willy Wonka bars Alice promised are, to which Alice replies with a joyfully raspberrying balloon.

Alice to Shane: I wouldn’t have made them if you told me what is was for.

Shane, in munchkin voice after sucking helium from balloon: What to you want me to do about it?

Alice, after doing the same and who sounds like a chipmunk: I want you to dump her.

Shane: It’s not that easy Alice.

What? How many women have you dumped in this show? Seriously, how many? and jus when did you find it difficult? You left Carmen (drool-enducing Carmen) at the alter and you seemed to recover pretty quickly. And this is Jenny; annoying, petulant, spoilt brat, ego-centric Jenny! You’d think it’d be a pleasure. Well it would for the viewers.

Our pouting, lolly-licking brat sqeacks up to Jamie (the future filling in the Talice sambo) and asks oh so sweetly what the hell she’s doing there. Tasha does the ‘she’s with me’ thing and I kinda melt. Cross her Jenny, g’wan!! Apparently Jamie is going to help Tash with her endurance training later. Oh nurse…

As Jenny continues to boss people around, Dylan and Helena arrive at chez Shenny (I nearly said ‘come’ but that was last week). They’re all loved-up and cute in that ‘we just got together and never want to leave bed’ kinda way. Cute!

As they enter the house, the music becomes strangely lift or on-hold like. Not as bad as Betty mind you. Dylena ooh and ahh at the decor for which Jenny takes full credit of course. I wonder if she got half a mill for that too?

Jenny: You both look very happy together. I’m very happy for you both.

Dylena, to each other: So am I, I’m very happy.

Jenny: I’m really really very happy for you both.

Repeat it often enough and maybe it’ll sound sincere. As Happy Helena goes to get them a drink, you know what’s coming though, don’t you? You just know she has to ruin everything.

Jenny: You passed the test with flying colours. I’m so happy for you. We were watching you and we saw how at Hit you rebuffed Nikki Stevens even though she could have helped your career.

Oh god.

Jenny: It was just so incredible.

Yes it was…completely incredible, unbelieveable and badly written. Kit starts to smell the shit that’s an inch from the fan. As Happy Helena arrives back to drinks and a smile, Dylan questions her. And Jenny fills her in. Much to the horor of every person in the room. Helena gets to prove that looks can’t kill immediately but may cause a fatal injury. Helena becomes suspect number who-cares as she runs after Dylan throwing this dittie over her shoulder to Shane:

I’m going to f—ing kill your girlfriend

It’s at that moment that Max, poor Max, arrives and everyone shouts ‘surprise!’

Credits: Waking, washing, dressing, driving, working, driving, talking, sleeping. Well that’s the way I live…

Freak out: Max has finally become what Ilene Chaiken obviously thought he should – a circus freak. He is placed on a throne, given a balloon (not pink surprisingly) and made wear a ridiculous Willie Wonka hat. when Jamie goes to introduce herself, Jenny sighs dramatically and says in a dramatic ‘under my breath’ way;

Jenny: She’s the only non-friend here.

No, you are not a friend. To anyone but manatees and the voices in your head.

When will we three meet again: Alice, Tina and Bette are whispering to each other about the excrement Jenny spread a while ago. Tina suggests that Jenny didn’t mean it to be so malicious.

Alice: Oh yeah, no Jenny’s not malicious.

Bette: No not at all. Just completely and totally evil.

Tina: Ok, she’s malicious.

As the party continues everyone becomes hypnotised by the on-hold music and start to act as inappropriate as Jenny. They’re playing a cute game of ‘guess how big the belly is’, all measuring Max’s tummy to see who is closest. Most of the group decide not to measure Max but Shane does, while apologising.

Now if everyone is uncomfortable with this and Shane even apologises, why are they going along with it? Jenny’s joy isn’t childish, it’s maniacal – you can practically hear her sqeeee.

More games ensue, including one called Chocolate in a Diaper which Americans are welcome to keep as their own. Talk turns to the baby and how Max is doing. He says he misses Tom and maybe it wouldn’t be so hard if he were there. Poor guy. There is a chorus of comments suggesting that Max “f–k Tom”.

Alice: You know, I’m sorry to say this but what an asshole.

Maybe ladies, you should shut up and listen? He obviously needs friends right now, not judges. What am I saying, this is the L Word where friends = people you drink and sometimes cry with.

Tina steps up and says that Max shouldn’t worry. Apparently as soon as the baby is in his arms he’ll know exactly what to do. Have a sleep would be my advice. Max seems moved, maybe it’s wind.

In the kitchen, Jamie and Shane are having some whakkie-bakkie and a small flirt until mother superior arrives and spoils their fun. It’s your turn for the game Shane!! WOOHOO!!! Shane runs with gay abandon into the living room and jumps up and down excitedly squealing “my turn, my turn”.

Not.

Jamie leaves the oddest couple in oddville to themselves and a chat about Shane’s flirting. Apparently Jenny doesn’t care that she was flirting and here comes that oh-so-tweet voice:

Jenny: Guess what?

Shane: What?

Jenny: I got you a present. I made you something.

Shane is excited and wants to know what it is. The rest of us fail to care.

Back at party central Jenny declares that it’s time for presents and cake “momdad”. What? Momdad?!?!? And this is a person you supposedly care about Jenny? HIS name is Max. It ain’t that difficult.

The presents are opened. From Kit: Two baby outfits, on with a rocker baby on the front, the other with a divil. Cuuuute. From TiBette: A buggy, or stroller as they call them in the US of A. It has detachable car seat and all sorts of bells and whistles, including a place for your coffee which they feel the need to mention twice. That thing could cost over a grand here. I thought Tina lost her job?

Tina and Bette start to ask about Max’s birthing plan. What? Don’t you go into hospital and have the baby after hours of agony? Isn’t that the plan? Bette and Tina start to talk about the dark arts of the labour ward, managing to include the words ‘ripping’, ‘cutting’ and vagina in the same sentence. Shiver

To change the subject, and to allay Max’s horror, Jenny insists he open her pressie. Two words. Breast. Pump.

At this stage I would like to refer to Click Here’s inciteful investigation of the legal process, in last week’s recap, and agree with her assessment – justifiable homicide.

What the hell are you doing Ms Chaiken? Are you trying to make a laughing stock of the only trans person on television? Is it not enough to get him pregnant but you use every opportunity available to try to convince us, and him, that being trans isn’t an option for a happy life. Nature will punish you!!!

Not only that but he has Jenny as his best mate? Oy vey..

Anyhoo, back at party headquarters, Max is about as comfortable as Daniela Sea in an acting class, so Alice decides to make a speech.

Alice: Hoo, big day huh? Listen, mister, you’ve had the unusual benefit of knowing what both sexes go through and how they love and all of those kinds of things. and, because of that, you are going to be a very caring, a very fantastic father.

Nice Alice, however, may I point out that Max was never a woman. Moira was a man.

Alice: This world can be harsh. You know that more than any of us. But that’s given you knowledge and knowledge is something you can impart to your child. It’s going to help the two of you on this journey you’re going to make together.

This is when she should’ve shut the hell up, but this is Alice.

Alice: Sure it’s great to have two parents. Like Hello! (pointing to a cuddling TiBette) exhibit A. two adoring parents. But listen to this Max, you being alone is better because you don’t have to go through all that bullshit. Y’know having to figure it all out with somebody else.

As she rambles on, Jamie asks Tasha what Alice is doing.

Tasha, grinning: Doing what she always does. Just watch her she’s on a roll.

she sure is. Oblivious to Max’s growing discomfort, Alice says that she hopes the child grows up to have values, to be able to stand up to his/her girlfriend, to grow up not to be a thief. Thinly-veiled accusations for your pleasure. Alice rolls Max all the way to breakdown.But then you’d lose it if you had to wear that shirt.

Max kneels in front of TiBette and asks them to take his child. Shock! Who knew that would happen? What a cunning, unforeseen plot twist!

As he stands up and starts to hyperventilate, there are cries of:

Is she ok?

Is she going to throw up?

Get her Xanax!

Jenny: Ok people! She’s pregnant! You can’t give a pregnant lady grugs.

Until finally, FINALLY, Max shouts:

HE! He’s pregnant ok?! I don’t want to do this.

that last part was said in a particularly whiney voice but hey, if I get pregnant I’ll expect to be whiney.

No beard, no weird: Next we see Max in the bathroom. The camera pans slowly up his body, carassing the curves of his pregnant belly. He’s looking in the mirror and begins to shave. Coz, you know, the only problem Max has is that he has a truly terrible beard. One shave, to smooth cheeks and presto! he’ll be fine. Really. Go with it.

Baby mamas: Tibette are in Joyce Wishnea’s office. She’s delightedly telling them about her upcoming nuptials and dropping Gavin Newsom’s name like it matters. Our two ladies are running through the legalities of the new babóg coming to live with them.

One of the writers is obviously a huge Tina Fey fan (who isn’t?), because, in an hilarious turn of events, it turns out that the child’s birth-mother needs to have the baby in LA. So, wait for it, she’ll have to live with them. You can see the pitch-meeting – It’ll be just like Baby Mama without the laughs. We could even get Shane to sleep with her! It’ll be brilliant!

Do they have a machine in the story meetings which churns out arcs when they press ‘random’?

Showered with affection: Our happy couple, plus one, Taliceamy (this is getting tough) arrive home after either a training session or the sweatiest sex EVER. turns out it’s a training session. They faff on about how ‘oh I’m so out of shape’ ‘oh no you’re not, look at you’, blah blah, flirt, flirt when Jamie decides to have a shower.

See this is how you know that this is a show written by women. If men wrote this, the following scene would have ended in a threesome. Involving stilettos.

However, this is about the laydeees, so when Tasha leaves some clothes in the bathroom for Jamie, catching an eyeful in the process, she leaves the bathroom and gives her girlfriend a good seeing to.

When the third wheel arrives out, she hears and waits til they finish before interrupting. And not a stiletto in site.

Hammer it home: TiBette are at home talking to the builder, a woman as butch as Paul O’Connell with a hammer. She’s a charmer too cracking jokes about the work being late and so forth. She also like men which confuses our pair. Conform to stereotypes dammit!! If you’re butch you must be a dyke, you have no choice. So they decide she’s confused. Sweet Jesus, Ilene, I’ve heard of broad strokes in character development but for the love of Martina, stop with the cliches.

Sherie Schecter: You remember last season when Shane said she wanted to do photography? Well, it turns out that that means she now needs a studio. Not a camera or some lessons, but a fully-fitted studio. Courtesy of her lady-love. The scene just brings back memories of when Sherie Jaffe bought Shane a hair salon. Why do people keep buying Shane property? A couple of stone on her scrawny ass would be better.

Shane: I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve any of this.

Jenny: Yeah, you do. You put up with my annoying, childish behaviour and are the most interesting thing about me this season, other than my murder, of course.

Ok, I made that bit up.

Turnaround: Back in the land of the grown-ups, Bette call to ‘T’ (couples’ nicknames are so cute) that the car taking her to the airport has arrived.

Tina: Doesn’t it feel crazy to have Marcie come here?

Yes! It’ll be a zany two-worlds-collide comedy! Anyway, in a wonderful turnaround in their relationship, Bette tells Tina not to worry about anything; she’ll call her from the gallery opening, so Tina is to concentrate on getting some new movie off the ground. Isn’t it great when relationships actually evolve? Like in real life? Sigh……the what-could have-beens are the most depressing part of this show.

Butch McHammer, who has been listening to this loving scene, asks Bette is she’s ok.

Butch: Is your sister going to New York?

Bette: Tina’s not my sister, she’s my partner. She’s Angelica’s other mother.

Butch, who has obviously just arrived in the gayest part of gayland from Mars: I get that your partners, I just though that you were sisters.

Now I love my sisters. But I ain’t kissin em like that y’all. Turns out Butch is going to the opening of the gallery the next day coz “openings are a great place to meet the fellas, and I. Am. Looking!” Poor Bette, the concept of a straight, butch woman is an alien to her as the rat’s tail hair-cut the woman sports.

Broken hearts and misunderstanding: At Hit, Sunset Boulevard is spinning the decks while Helena swims to the bottom of a bottle of liquor. She is approached by Kit who does her “ohhh guuurl, you are a mess” thing. Helena loses it tells her to eff off. Kit sighs and heads over to Sunset Boulevard who has been watching what looks, to her, like a lover’s tiff.

Kit: Helena messed up. She really needs to fix this thing with Dylan. they belong together.

Sunset B: Helena and Dylan? But don’t you love Helena?

Kit: yeah I love her.

Sunset: Then why are you pushing her to into someone else’s arms? You two have more than just a romance, you’re partners. You’re good for each other.

Kit, seeing the funny side: You actually though I was a lesbian?  See my body it doesn’t respond to it’s own kind.

Running her hands up Sunset’s ample biceps she tells him “hoo, this is what I’m talking about”. Kit heads over to sort out a fight Helena has started, leaving a very confused sunset behind.

Openings: Bette, in the most un-lesbian pair of shoes, is with Kelly at the gallery, getting everything set up and basking in the glow of major critics promising to attend the opening. Poor Kelly’s eyeballs are protruding even further out of her head than usual while checking out the delectable Ms Porter. Bette is either oblivious or couldn’t give a damn coz her lady just called from New York. The two of them chat intimately about how proud they each are of the other, when Kelly interrupts to say there is a minor crisis. Bette says her goodbyes to Tina only to be told that the crisis is oyster-related. Will there be enough?

Ok, besides the fact that that ain’t no crisis, whenever you hear ‘oysters’ mentioned on telly, you know there’s going to be a food-poisoning outbreak. OK, maybe that’s just me watching Drop Dead Gorgeous too often.

Bette balks to Kelly that she shouldn’t have gotten her off the phone to Tina for this oyster malarky to which Kelly replies that it didn’t look that important, it seemed like Tina was just checking up on her.

Bette: No, we don’t do that. We support each other.

Kelly: Well then what about tonight? that doesn’t seem very supportive.

Bette, slowly like she’s talking to a child: Kelly, it’s taken us a long time to get to this point. But Tina’s work is just as important to her as mine is to me. And that’s a good thing. it’s good for our relationship, it’s good for our bank account.

Kelly: I’m surprised. She struck me as your wife.

Bette, laughing: No, not a wife.

Hmmm, is this lost in translation? Is ‘wife’ a dirty word for something in the US, or could the L Word be slagging off a woman who stays at home, supports her partner and raises their kids? Toughest job on the planet as far as I can tell. Although maybe that doesn’t work for TiBette, as it’s only since Tina went back to work that their relationship has started to work.

Try some: Jamie owns a loft. A huge, gorgeous loft. How does she afford this? Whatever. Jamie decides to get changed, she also opts to do this in front of a mirror so the girls can see. Just shag already.

Picture perfect: The gallery opening. Lots of people. Photos. Gorgeous smiles.

Kit is looking at what looks like Angelina Jolie off set, wondering who the girls beside her is. She is approached by Sunset Boulevard sans drag gear. She doesn’t recognise him. And that, kids, is what happens if you become an alcoholic.

Enter Jenny.

Jenny, looking over at Bette and Kelly: Look at Miss Bette. They make a very beautiful couple.

Kit: theyr’e not a couple.

Jenny: I know but they look like a couple. they’re both tall.

Huh? People must be the same size to lok like a couple? And that, kids, is what happens if you take mushrooms with strangers in a car.

Over at the catering table, Shane is eating an oyster. Jenny says she hates them because they remind her of a guy coming in her mouth. I will NEVER eat an oyster.

The threesome arrive and Alice cuts through the artistic bullshit immediately:

Alice: looks like a giant cat threw up.

We love you Alice.

Nikki arrives and gets past the paps, straight over to Shane who asks to leave with her. But she has cum in her mouth Nikki!!!

Anyway, back to Kit. She’s looking at a pic and Sunset arrives behind her. Don’t use the line Sunset, don’t use the line! Haven’t you seen Tootsie?

He uses the line

Sunset: I thought to myself, that’s one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. I’d love to take her home with me tonight and wake up in the morning with her arms and legs wrapped around me.

What does Kit do? She throws her drink in his face. Watch Tootsie.

Tri Cycle: Our happy threesome are sitting and chatting when Jenny arrives looking for Shane. they haven’t seen her. Jamie says that she feels sorry for Jenny because she ‘wears’ that she’s been hurt. Turns out Jamie worries that she’ll hurt her kids if she has them. Her parents were tough, but it turns out that Tasha’s were too and the two of the chat about it. Alice looks on, surprised that she’s never heard this stuff from Tasha.

Alice: Well Janie, I gotta thank you. Tasha’s never opened up like that before. Maybe it’s becasuse you’re a counsellor.

Jamie: Whatever I can do to help.

In the words of Kit Porter: Mmhm!

Hurl Friend: Shane and Nikki are at her new studio. She is looking through a view-finder at a pic. This is seduction? WTF? You’re on to a sure thing here Shane, get your scrawny ass going here!

She continues to develop a pic. It turns out the image is of Molly. And it is gorgeous. Seriously, I stand corrected Shane, that is one wonderful picture.

Nikki: You are quite the photog Shane. Maybe some time you could shoot me.

Can I?

They start snogging and Shane does what anyone with a soul would do in this situation, she loses her lunch, on the pic of Molly.

Oyster!!! God, I hope she’s the only one from the gallery who got stung or we could have a disaster for Bette.

Peek-a-boo: Bette is home and paying the babysitter when Kelly arrives sporting goo-goo eyes (as usual) and a bottle of bubbly. She guilts her way into the house and is a bundle of excited energy, pumped up about the success of the evening. Bette is chuffed too but is much more, hey I do this all the time, no biggie.

They crack open the champers and giggle over their success. Kelly starts to do some serious flirting.

Bette: What are you doing? Are you drunk?

Kelly: No, I’m just cashing in on a rain-cheque.

Bette: Well you’d better be drunk coz that cheque expired 15 years ago.

Kelly: No it didn’t.

Bette: Yes it did. Read it closely.

Ha! Kelly goes in for a kiss and Bette pushes her back, knocking over a glass of the bubbly stuff. As Bette clears it up, Jenny is outside peeping in. As you do.

Bette is on her knees in front of Kelly, so Jenny thinks she sees something that isn’t happening. So what does she do? She takes some pictures of course, all the while tutting:

Jenny: Oh Bette

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]]> http://www.gaelick.com/2009/03/the-l-word-season-6-episode-6-lactose-intolerant-recap/1493/feed/ 2 The L Word: Season 6, Episode 5 “Litmus Test” Recap http://www.gaelick.com/2009/02/the-l-word-season-6-episode-5-litmus-test-recap/1480/ http://www.gaelick.com/2009/02/the-l-word-season-6-episode-5-litmus-test-recap/1480/#comments Sun, 22 Feb 2009 18:00:21 +0000 click here http://www.gaelick.com/?p=1480 Warning: Contains Spoilers that the show’s creators have probably already made public!

It’s the fifth installment of the final season of everyone’s favourite ridonkulous lesbian drama – Hooray! Will we get any clues as to the cause of Jenny’s (un)fortunate demise? Will we get any clues as to whether Bette dresses in the dark? Will we get any clues as to what the hell is going on with the plot lines?

Mini re-cap: We don’t get the programme’s usual mini recap this week. Typically, we could all do with a reminder of all the twists and turns in this ker-azy dyke drama, but for those of you who fell asleep during the last episode, don’t worry: nothing happened.

As this episode opens, we’re treated to lots of purposeful chatting, murmuring, coffee shop sounds, a filo-fax, a frappu-cappucino and a sticky tape dispenser. Okay..

Hold it! It’s BT2! (And I don’t mean 70% off all items.) They’re wheeling and dealing on their phones and laptops and generally being terribly anti-social towards Alice and Helena.

nana-mouskouri-why-worryhelena-mouskouri-the-l-wordAt least, I think it’s Helena. But she appears to be sporting some kind of Clark Kent-chic look. Viewers may recall that she committed a horrendous fashion faux-pas in episode two, not because the specs were so awful, but because Helena and Kit had made the fatal error of showing up with the same facial accessories. Scarleh!

And is it just me, or does Helena look remarkably like a hot Nana Mouskouri..?

Anyhoo, the whole point of the scene is – unpredictably – to set up implausible suspect number 4862 in the wanting-to-kill-Jenny line-up. Oh, did I spoil the scene for you? No, of course not. What do we have here? Is it a major character swearing vengeance against Jenny, with murder clearly in their heart? Yawn, yes it is – wake up at the back there, folks, while I describe which previously mild mannered character has been pushed to breaking point by Ms Schecter this week…

Anyway, Jenny stole Alice’s idea for a screenplay. Remember? The talk-show host, cop, murder mystery, intertexual-meets-self-parody, sublte-as-a-brick-to-the-face screenplay that Alice drafted overnight? And Jenny got a cool half a million dollars for it.

As Tina summarises the plot of the script, Alice’s face is transformed from that of bored newspaper reader, to puzzlement, to bewilderment, to stunned disbelief, eventually to unbridled and animalistic rage. Guess what? She’s gonna kill Jenny!

Titles: Cue irritating Betty title music that has plagued me for years (“..running, skipping, laughing, running, jumping, climbing up trees, putting on make-up when you’re up there..”). Perhaps now would be the time for viewers to start the drinking game, boil the pot o’ tae, or do whatever it takes to get you through the next hour.

Opening scene: Alice confronts Jenny at Shenny’s place. Please kill her now, Alice! No, that’s just wishful thinking. Alice says her piece, instead, and still looks totally freaked. Jenny is her usual insufferable, self-absorbed, infantile self. This only adds fuel to Alice’s ire. Jenny feigns ignorance when Alice spells out Jenny’s thieving ways: she compounds matters by calling Alice’s “treatment” a “jumble of ideas” and stating that it’s pure coincidence if a screenplay of her own which she’s been working on happens to bear some resemblance to Alice’s work. She claims that she was merely supping from the “idea well” of creativity. Alice is outraged. Jenny’s a liar and a cheater. Kill her now, Alice!

alice-possessed-the-l-word
Doooooo iiiiiiiiiiit!

Enter Shane. Alice rounds on her, and keeps it real:

Alice: She’s crossed the fucking line, Shane, she has fucking crossed it. I sw- This is how it’s gonna be. If you continue to shack up with this fucking lying, stealing snake in the grass, I swear to God, I can not consider you to be my friend anymore.

alice-possessed-1-the-l-word
Wanted: Have you seen this woman?

Jenny’s response?

Jenny: I guess she’ll just have to get over it.

Two words: justifiable homicide.

As an aside, Showtime may have somewhat shot themselves in the foot by recently announcing that Alice will be starring in a spin off of The L Word, which will apparently be set in a women’s prison. And what is she in prison for, we may wonder? Could it be something to do with that murder investigation that opened season 6 with such a bang? Hmm.. We will have to wait and see.. Although, perhaps something unexpected – nay, original – may happen and she will be sent down for tax evasion or fraud or something.

We cut to The Planet: Everybody has a Mac, for some reason. Tina is on the phone to Alice (still in her café-office with Bette), who’s giving her the low-down. As she promptly sits down opposite Tina to complete the saga. Thankfully she’s interrupted by a message from none other than Jamie, which prompts giggles. Giggles that are loaded enough for BT2′s ears to prick up. Apparently, Alice is having a “third-wheel crush” on Jamie (sung beautifully by Bette – if only the U.S. was in the Eurovision). All the tell-tale signs are there, it seems:

Bette: It starts when you’ve been dating your partner for quite a while, and you’re starting to grow bored with one another. And then you start fighting all the time.

Alice: We’re not fighting.

Bette: Huh..?

Tina: Wha..?

Alice: I mean, there’s a little bit of fighting, maybe.

Tina: And then you meet a new person.. And then you start hanging out, all the time, the three of you, doing everything together. And you know what? It’s just great. And this new person starts to revitalise the relationship, pouring all this excitement and energy into it.

It can last even a year, they say. Just so long as it doesn’t “tip”.

Of course, as soon as Jamie’s character was introduced to Tasha and Alice’s relationship, I thought the ridonkulous plot line would lead us to a threesome. I really hope that’s not where this is leading..

Bette concludes this redundant plot device by advising Alice: “So you just check yo’self befo’ you wreck yo’self.” As Kit takes her seat and hears this, she expresses a look that can only be described as, “Oh no you di-in’t!” Jeeze, Bette, Kit is the only blaxploitation character here, not you. Get a grip!

Kit neatly segues from Alice’s third-wheel-crush, with a “dangerous bidness” line, to Helena (sans Clarke Mouskouri specs), forcing Helena to admit that she’s having dinner with Dylan. Everyone is understandably surprised. Helena defends herself by saying that Dylan has “colonised her thoughts” (what?) and, frankly, she’s sick of trying.

So, let’s remind ourselves about last week’s bore of an episode: Helena was being all mopey over Dylan, and in a bid to introduce a convenient plot twist take her mind off things, Alice and Tasha decided to send her on a blind date with a then random friend of theirs.

Let’s back up a bit here shall we? Helena would not be relying on charitable offers of blind dates from her mates to help her over the difficulty of the sudden reappearance of a (lying, criminal, manipulating) ex. And why would that be?

Well, we could be here all night with this question, so I’ll just toss out a few ideas:

helena-peabody-the-l-word- Helena is stunningly attractive
- Helena is stunningly rich
- Helena owns a lesbian nightclub
- Helena has a very sexy accent (even an Irish cailín can appreciate that, so I’m sure the Yanks love it even more)
- Helena hasn’t exactly had any trouble meeting women, like ever, throughout this show.. even in prison!!

Helena should really be beating women off with a stick, but no, there she was wallowing over a rogue, and heading gamely over to Alice and Tasha’s place to meet the lovely Jamie.

Anyway, this all inexplicably leads to a scheme being hatched to set Dylan up to be “tested”.

Alice: You guys, what if we had a test that would prove, once and for all, whether Dylan was a sleazy, gold-digging opportunist, or is she this misunderstood, reformed film-maker who just happened to get wrapped up with the wrong guy who made her steal the money?

Good God. Are we in an episode of Scooby Doo?

The scheme has to be like a test of character; setting her up with someone who would advance her career (who in The L Word cast could that possibly be?) to pretend they’re in a big movie and want Dylan to direct it. Then Nikki – oops, did I say that? – could hit on Dylan and see if Helena gets sold out for the big time. Yay!

For some reason, Shenny has to get roped in, too, so Shane will be the one to talk to Nikki and Jenny will impersonate Nikki’s manager. Of course.

The scheme is utterly unnecessary to the programme, completely out of character for those involved, and is a very crude and simplistic way of creating yet more ridiculous plot twists. It even has a voice-over montage when it’s put into action. Dear Jeebus. Someone in Mama Chaiken’s harem needs to start drinking from Jenny’s “idea well”.

Next scene: Ew, ew, ew, it’s the Shenny monster with two backs. Well, it’s close enough to nevertheless make me want to vom. Jenny finds out that Shane went to see Nikki having been roped in to the improbable scheme, and – no surprises – reverts to her default setting of Crazy Jenny:

Jenny: You can’t see Nikki. I forbid it.

Psychotic, controlling, untrusting Jenny. What a catch. She’s just irresistible, isn’t she, Shane? She eventually relents and, in the most insincere possible way, admits that she was wrong and needs to learn how to trust Shane. Trust Shane? Yeah, Jenny’s clearly bonkers..

Cut to posh Hollywood restaurant, with BT2, Evil Kelly Wentworth and Generic Artist Man: Generic Artist Man provides the opportunity to explain – yet again – the almost-fling Kelly and Bette had in college. Bette explains that Tina and she have been together happily, for a long, long time. Keyword: happily. While Bette takes a call, Kelly pushes it talking about Bette to G.A.M., and asks Tina if her shamless flirting with Bette bothers her. Tina’s response is cool and calm:

Tina: Flirt away. I mean, Bette knows that if she were to ever cheat on me, then that would be the end of us. So, if it makes you feel scandalous and sexy to tease her with her co-ed crush, have at it.

That’s it, Tina, keep your enemies close.

The tête-à-tête ends, however, when Tina spots her ne’er-do-well bosses, William and Aaron, entering the restaurant with two screenwriters that Tina had been working with for three years. Close enemies, indeed.

Bette: So, what’s wrong with that?

Tina: I wasn’t invited. That, in Hollywood, is how you know when you’ve been fired.

Jayyyses. Welcome to the recession, Tina.

We skip to the Hit Club – or is it a scene from Sliver? – where the rest of Lez Girls are ensconsed in the security room, preparing to spy on the unsuspecting Dylan. It’s Dawn Denbo’s security system (and not William Baldwin’s), and conveniently for our purposes, there are cameras everywhere and microphones at each table. So, you can hear everything that’s going on in the club, and none of it is drowned out by the decibels of music, or anything!

Shenny enters, and Jenny starts pissing Alice off from the get-go, which prompts a death threat from Alice. Fer feck’s sake, Alice, you’re all talk and no trousers. Get to it, woman!

Dylan enters the club and on the banks of security monitors she looks all lost and vulnerable. Meh. Nikki arrives, and Helena eventually gives the go-ahead for the scheme to kick into action.

is-that-veda-bon-reve-the-l-wordits-veda-the-l-word
Is that Veda Beaux Reves at Hit Club?

And we’re back to the restaurant: after the scowl delivered by Bette at the end of the last scene here, Aaron and William are guffawing their way through their mains.

Bette: ..scum-sucking, fucking miscreant.

I’ve been converted: I love you, Bette.

While Tina takes a breather, RoboBette takes to the warpath. (Rwoarr..) She lets rip at the scum-suckers, but she’s swiftly interrupted by Tina. They are an adorable couple.. But why would you do that, Tina? Why?? Oh, here’s why:

Aaron and/or William: I am so happy to be done with dykes. [Cue cackling.]

Tina: What did you say? … You stupid fucking cocksucker, how dare you sit there with that smug little smile on your face, and wine and dine my writers on a project that took me three years to put together. As if you had anything – anything – to do with it. [To the writers] He said you were talentless hacks. Yeah, and I begged him to hire you. I have put everything into this job, I have poured my heart and my soul and my talent into making you both look good time and time again. And how do you repay me? By stealing my contacts and iceing me.

A and/or W: Tina, keep your voice down.

Tina: Shut your pie-hole Aaron. I have never in all of my life worked for such an idiotic, mindless, juvenile, cruel, pathetic loser of a human being such as you. You are soulless, and you are everything about this fucking Hollywood that I hate.

A and/or W 2: Now, this is really uncalled for..

Tina: Uncalled for? You know what’s uncalled for? A billionaire stealing the negative of his own movie just so he can put in a claim for insurance money. And then to drag my name through the mud, to forge my signature on a letter accusing me of theft and fraud! It’s just downright criminal, William, and don’t think – don’t think for a second that you are going to fucking get away it because I know. I know. Enjoy your dinner.

You know, Tina, you certainly are sure of yourself these days. Plausible character development – I like it! That entire, defamatory tirade will probably come back to haunt her character by the end of the show, but I don’t care: I love you, too, Tina! Can I be BT2′s third wheel?

[Fun fact: Did you know that Wallace Shawn, who plays William in The L Word, also played the character, Vizzini, in The Princess Bride, and that this film was partly shot at the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland? There y'go. 'Tis a small world.]

Back to Hit Club: (Is it just me, or is Alexandra Hedison hawwt..?) The girls have grabbed their popcorn, and Nikki is working her magic (and gets the chance to list what all of us lesbots know about straight starlets playing gay – a little ironic in The L Word, but I like!). Only, wait: as Nikki attempts to execute the “rope-a-dope” manoeuvre, Dylan declares that yes, there is someone special but that it might be affected by something fucked up that she did in the past and can’t undo. Hm. Interestink. As Nikki closes in for the kill, Dylan fends off her advances by saying that she can’t get involved with Nikki: for one, it’s unethical (how noble! And which prompts yet another hi-larious line from Leisha Hailey), plus there’s someone Dylan’s in love with. Bless.

Hang on, Nikki wasn’t finished – she persists by trying to wangle her way into Dylan’s shirt. Dirtee, dirtee fecker! And thrice, Nikki is denied. Whoops from the gallery! Dylan’s not a scumbag!

Helena then joins Dylan in the booth, and Dylan puts her cards on the table about her feelings. Helena suggests that they go somewhere that they can talk. This just happens to be Dylan’s gaff.

Everyone else remaining in the club seems to be dancing and having fun. Except for Jenny who’s in a huff, true to form, this time over Nikki. She’s also being true to form in once again being psychotic, controlling and untrusting, by going through the text messages on Shane’s phone. This lifts the mood between them no end.

We nip over to Dylan’s place: it’s rather nice. Helena’s looking all insecure and Dylan’s wittering on, making small talk, and generally avoiding the big issue. (Didn’t Dylan’s mother ever tell her not to wear a black bra under a white shirt?!) The way that Dylan starts babbling nervously about rubber trees in Thailand is very cute and touchingly genuine, though – haven’t we all done that with someone we are crazy about?

But Helena’s not really interested in rubber trees right now. She’s more interested in the ensuing love scene, which is actually quite well acted, shot and put together, with the only soundtrack being the street sounds from outside. Might it be a contender for best one of The L Word? We shall see. It does, however, go on, and on, and on, and on, and on. For a total of four minutes and two seconds (yes, I counted..).

I suppose that’s a long time in TV land. Because just like that, Dylan Moreland has been transformed, in just one or two quick episodes, from being pantomime villain par extraordinnaire, to contrite, humble, sensitive lover. I could mutter here about consistency and character development, but honestly this is The L Word we are talking about, and lets be frank, that’s not why we watch this show, is it kids?

And again to the club: Shane has escaped Jenny’s clutches and has been driven to havin’ a faaag outside. Nikki sidles up and reveals that she believed the quid pro quo for her involvement in the wacky Dylan caper was a bit of rumpy-pumpy with Shane. Shane regretfully declines (oh, please), saying that if Jenny wasn’t in the picture, then maybe.. (Oh, but that can be arranged, can’t it..?)

Back inside, Jamie is discussing the screenplay idea theft (not her words), but is rebuffed by snotty Jenny who doesn’t even know who Jamie is. Gah! Tasha steps in, though:

Tasha: Oh, kill it, Jenny! Alice brought you an idea, and then that idea somehow ends up in your screenplay? Come on, it’s unethical.

Now, I love you, Tasha! (Maybe I just love everyone now, because Jenny’s character is so repulsive. We all killed Jenny! And we’re not in the least bit remorseful.)

Jenny’s still blustering on in her unique nails-down-a-blackboard way, as Shane returns to the group. Shane promptly gets caught in the middle of a friend-off as Alice and Jenny both compete for her loyalty, or whatever. Shane refuses to pick sides when Jenny demands it, and it seems like she’s sticking to her guns and hits the nail on the head of Jenny’s crazy behaviour; but then she spinelessly capitulates in the middle of the dancefloor as Jenny feigns walking away. Who are you, and what have you done with the real Shane??

Then comes the clincher:

Shane: You’re my dear, darling friend, and I’m sorry. And we’ve been friends way before any of this shit happened. Right?

Jenny: You’re my best friend.

Shane: And, I gotta say, if I had to choose today between this relationship and our friendship, I’d have to choose the friendship.

Yes! Shane! Break it off with that crazy, evil cow!!

Jenny: Uh-huh. The only thing that’s gonna get in the way of our friendship is if something gets in the way of our romanitc relationship.

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooo. You evil, fucked-up, shit-head! Eeeviiil!

Oh, Shane, that was your final cue to walk out of there to your freedom, but you bottled it. Again! This is just all so very wrong.

Squeaky singer music brings us back to Dylan’s place: They’re probably about two weeks, now, into their shag-athon (which has only barely gotten going), so it’s no wonder that Helena breaks down in tears. Well, either that, or she’s realising the depth of her feelings for Dylan in this rosemantic and emotional moment. Or something..

Another aside: This episode seems geared up to achieve two things, and is not afraid to go beyond the bounds of logic, consistency and plausibility to achieve it:

1) Dylan must be found to be a suitable love interest for Helena after all. Thus the gang think up a crazy madcap scheme to test her loyalty and sincerity to Helena, who apparently is the love of her life now.

2) Perhaps realising that there are only three episodes left after this, the writers have Jenny suddenly boarding the express train to crazy town and in doing so, we get two more potential doers of the evil Jenny-slaying deed. Alice and Shane both have good reasons for wanting to do her in after this episode at any rate…

The squeaky singer takes us back to the club for an annoyingly pointless musical interval of the Jamie/Tasha/Alice dance sandwich, and a not all too happy-looking Shane leaving, while Jenny and Nikki exchange slow-mo glares.

Right you are, so.

No related posts.

]]> http://www.gaelick.com/2009/02/the-l-word-season-6-episode-5-litmus-test-recap/1480/feed/ 2 The L Word: Season 6, Episode 4 “Leaving Los Angeles” Recap http://www.gaelick.com/2009/02/the-l-word-season-6-episode-4-%e2%80%9cleaving-los-angeles%e2%80%9d-recap/1421/ http://www.gaelick.com/2009/02/the-l-word-season-6-episode-4-%e2%80%9cleaving-los-angeles%e2%80%9d-recap/1421/#comments Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:00:37 +0000 orange http://www.gaelick.com/?p=1421

Warning: Contains Spoilers!

We’re halfway through the final season and this episode is perhaps the weakest so far. There’s plenty of extraneous dialogue and scenes which are too long or somewhat repetitive. Also, for some unrevealed reason the L Wordettes seem to be in a perpetual state of grazing and lounging around The Planet but more on that later… 

Shenny for your thoughts?

Max: There’s no escaping them

Tom, Max, Alice and Tasha are having breakfast in The Planet and just when they thought they’d escaped Shenny back at the house, Shenny walk in the door. The four marvel at how enamoured with one another they are. As Tasha puts it, they are:

Tasha: Like white on rice. 

Alice jubilantly celebrates Tasha’s first foray into gossiping. Uh-oh, looks like TAlice are clutching at straws in the relationship. Jenny saunters over:

Jenny: [to Max] How is the beautiful mother-to-be?

Oh look, a new record! 38 seconds into the episode and we all want to kill Jenny for her trademark wildly inappropriate and shameless condescension. This enquiry garners a silent single-finger salute from Max. Tom has to spell it out for the guiless nitwit that Max doesn’t like to be referred to as “mother”. Gee, how unexpected for an FTM who has struggled every inch of the way with his transition. Jenny begins to persevere. Tom too looks ready to knock Jenny’s head off.  Even Shane’s recent wallpaper-like presence steps up in an attempt to shut Jenny the hell up. But too late, Jenny is already in a full-flow “embrace the sisters of the earth” style testimonial to Max’s unmistaken femininity, breasts ‘n’ all. Max is suitably upset,  infuriated and driven from the table. Well as much as Daniela Sea can portray him to be. 

Max: I hate these tits and I hate these f—ing hips and I hate Jenny Schechter!

Ah so… Max is this week’s examined suspect. Hmm, anything’s possible with poor Max’s abundant supply of hormones for the next few months.

Credits: Loving, laughing, lying, cheating… ooh, Alexandra Hedison will be appearing in this one. Goody!

Brunchtime banter: Alice and Tasha are by now thankful that Jenny mentioned the pregnancy because apparently, everyone has been dodging any mention of it. Although, that’s a bit odd since BetTina are angling for an adopted baby and Max and Tom are carrying a pregnancy to term that neither of them want… Someone is trying really hard not to connect the dots here. Then Alice either gaffs with a pronoun or is being overtly transphobic:

Alice: When is she due?
Shane: He!

What’s the deal with Alice (the community advocate) and Jenny (who held Max’s fundraising party for his transition a couple of seasons ago) suddenly indulging in transphobia over lattés? This particular story development doesn’t seem too convincing. 

In the midst BeTina talking about an upcoming excursion to some dustbowl town in Nevada, Jenny has an epiphany about the identity of the film negative thief.  Jenny claims to have been struck by the idea that William the producer stole the film. Oh how I wish, she would be struck again. With a blunt object. Repeatedly. Until she loses consciousness. Wishful thinking aside, Jenny proffers titbits of a telephone conversation she overheard William having which pointed towards a dodgy insurance claim. With that, Bette takes her leave from the table to join Kelly Wentworth for a lunchtime business meeting. Tina couldn’t look less impressed about Kelly’s arrival unless Kelly hopped onto the table and defecated in Tina’s skinny frappuccino. She then with visible restraint fills the others in on the historical connection between Bette and Kelly, e.g. They were dorm-buddies back in college when Bette was a Masters student and Kelly a first-year undergraduate. She omits to mention that she has cause to believe Kelly is a scheming hoe-bag. Oh Tina, how much trouble can a former fling-cum-millionaire nouveau actually cause. What was her nickname in college again? “Juicy”. Oh right. Erm, anyway. Tasha then asks Tina why they’re taking the trip to Laughlin, Nevada. Tina then informs the group that there’s a potential baby with African-American parentage and the pregnant woman is fully aware of same-sex parenting scenario. Kit enters and spots her sister dining with Kelly Wentworth, a.k.a. “Juicy” Freemont. She makes pleasantries and then seats herself with Tasha, Alice, Tina, Shane and Jenny for a prime vantage point on Bette’s appointment. Kit is dishing the backstory on “Juicy”, referring to her as a “B.I.T.C.H” and a “vixen”. Oh, and it appears that Bette forgot to mention that she nearly killed herself over “Juicy” back in college. While Tina is processing that bombshell, another of the brunette variety walks in the door. Dylan has arrived. Kit marches over to cut her a new one and after a brief exchange comes back over to inform Tina that Dylan has a meeting with her.

Kit: What is going on here tonight?!

You said it, Kit! Has some malevolent force of nature imprisoned them in The Planet? So far, there has been breakfasting, brunching, lunch-meeting and now pitching over coffee. Looks like The Planet should be renamed The Vortex. The Citywest conference rooms don’t see this much activity! Oh wait, Kit was referring to the apparition of Dylan and Kelly.

Daddies not-so-cool: Max and Tom arrive for a parenting class. But this time it’s not in The Planet. A minor spat over Max fidgeting with his chest bind. In the class, all the talk and 3-D models of vaginal openings clearly make Max and Tom uncomfortable. Uh-oh, looks like trouble’s brewing for the Daddies-to-be.

Resisting The Planet‘s gravitational pull is futile: Bette and Kelly are still dining but judging by the dimmed light, it’s now the evening time. They are talking about artists currently setting the art world on fire. Kelly asks about an exciting new prospect, Liz Kraft. Bette shares that she included that artist in the Provocations show when she worked in the California Art Center (You may remember that Bette also included Candace the carpenter on that project and did more than talk timber with her. Hmm, a veiled reference to Bette’s prior infidelity? While she’s dining with “Juicy”? Bizarre how Tina’s subsequent dalliance has not been referred to yet this season but Bette’s being flogged for hers in every episode). Kelly then says something which is unfathomably contrived: 

Kelly: It’s amazing to me that you’ve always had this passion. And you’ve just stayed true to it. It’s something that I’ve always dreamed of being a part of.

What does she want to be a part of? Between Kelly’s bulging eyes of enthusiasm and convoluted rhetoric, I’ll be so surprised that Bette doesn’t see through her. Although Bette does reality check Kelly by quickly retorting that having “a shitload of money” could help her be a part of “the passion”. Kelly’s facial expression is perpetually one of awe in the presence of some adored enchantress while she rattles on about how she has been in love with contemporary art ever since Bette TAed her class in Yale. Thanks for giving us hypoglycemia, Kelly. Elsewhere in The Planet, Tina is trying to figure out what the hell Dylan is playing at:

Tina: What do you want?
Dylan: I’m not going to lie to you, Tina…
Tina: Well, it’s too late. You already did.

Bam! Tina is having none of Dylan’s sneaking and conniving. Dylan gets straight down to it. She is sorry for betraying Tina’s confidence in her as a director when she was working with Shaolin Productions all the those years ago but here’s the clanger:

Dylan: Helena is the love of my life… and I would give anything for another chance to be with her.

Tina reads between the lines that Dylan is looking for a co-conspirator to win Helena back and maintains she will play no part in it.

Back to the gushing font of Bett-ification: Kelly is now fanning Bette’s ego by imploring Bette to introduce her to her many, fabulous artistic connections. Kelly would like people “to pay attention to what [she's] creating here.” Please spare us the histrionics, Juicy. Oh no, Bette succumbs to the flattery and gushes back:

Bette: Well, I don’t think that you have trouble getting people to pay attention to you.
Kelly: [eyes bulging with delight] Then point me to who I should pay attention to.

Bette sheepishly averts her eyes from Kelly’s gaze. Oh no, looks like Bette has a schoolgirl infatuation on her college crush. Kelly is still pressing for that insider information on the contemporary Californian art scene. Bette offers her a proposal: That they work together. As partners. Hmm, why would the word “partner” sound familiar to Bette? Oh right, yeah, that Tina chick is her other “partner”.

The slumber party at The Planet continues as Tina updates Helena, Tasha, Alice, Jenny and Shane on her meeting with Dylan. Apparently, Dylan is now an out and proud gay filmmaker with her own production company—”Do Ask, Do Tell Productions” no less—and an accepted film in L.A. OutFest, hence the sudden reappearance in West Hollywood. The gathered gals balk at the audacity of her newfound status as a gay filmmaker and Tasha rips up the business card while Helena nearly does herself an injury trying to strain her eyes for a sneaky glance at the contact details on the card. Then Alice announces that they have to set Helena up with someone new. Excellent, unfortunately the viewer has to experience the prolonged thinking and chin-stroking process in real time. Finally, Tasha suggests Jamie who we met in the Gay & Lesbian Center in the last episode. Alice and Tasha gush about how splendiferous Jamie is and then quibble about who gets to call her. And then they call her. And both talk to her. And this scene still hasn’t cut away to paint drying on a wall somewhere else in The Planet or something equally more fascinating. While Alice and Tasha are laughing at all of the hilarious things Jamie is saying (which we cannot hear), Helena pours herself a vodka. Mine’s a double, Helena. Tasha and Alice are so excited about hosting a dinner-date with Jamie for Helena, that they don’t even notice that she 1). has not so discreetly pocketed the remnants of Dylan’s business card, and 2). is brimming with about as much excited anticipation as a piebald in a glue factory.

Clutter-byes: Evidently, Jenny’s supposed working-from-home of late has actually been time spent watching Oprah, Dr. Phil, et al and notetaking segments on “Surefire Ways to Enslave Your Lover”. She suggests to Shane that they should perform something called “Clutter Clearing” in their respective closets. Jenny explains:

Jenny: So, the concept is that you clear out your house and your life and it’s a really good thing to do when you’re starting a new project or a new relationship.
Shane: Or when you want to get rid of your shit. 

Shane is reluctant but Jenny pushes on and attempts to expunge all tenuous linkages to Shane’s former flings from Shane’s wardrobe. Jenny pushes Shane too far and Shane abandons the project because she “doesn’t believe in changing people”. Right there with you, Shane, but before they gave up on the Clutter Clearing endeavour, could they at least have disposed of that raggedy wife-beater Shane is wearing in this scene?

BeTina having Lover’s Tiff #1,029:

Bette: You know what, Tina, I’m just not going to spend the rest of my life on probation.

BeTina are squabbling again, however indirectly, over Bette’s past infidelity while packing for the upcoming trip to Nevada. This time the argument has emerged because she didn’t consult Tina before taking the new job and Tina is not comfortable with Bette working closely with Kelly.

Clutter Clearing, Not so Endearing: Jenny is persisting with this pseudo-therapeutic cleaning exercise and is now delving into Shane’s wardrobe. A t-shirt from her former salon (before Paige allegedly burned it to the ground) hits the floor, as does an shirt belonging to Sherry Jaffe’s (the Beverly Hills housewife), but Shane draws the line at a couple of t-shirts from her Carmen era. Earlier, Jenny insisted on hanging onto a scarf from her time with Marina and yet she finds it unfathomable that Shane would want to hang onto a couple of tshirts. Come on, Jenny! Look at what she’s wearing! You couldn’t deny her a couple of tshirts when she’s wandering around the house in threadbare vests.

Welcome to Nevada: BeTina arrive in Nevada, still discussing the new job with Kelly Wentworth and their growing debt from the refurbishment of the house and Tina’s uncertainty of her continued employment with Shaolin. They quickly reach an accord, kiss and make-up.

Mexi-can I come too?: Shane arrives for lunch with Alice in a Mexican restaurant late but Alice is occupied because she’s on the phone to Jamie again. And then spends the following five minutes extolling the virtues of St. Jamie. Alice is clearly smitten with Jamie and Shane is wise to it. Jenny gatecrashes the lunch much to Alice’s visible annoyance. It is clear that Jenny’s attempts to cling to and control Shane are becoming more frequent.

Nevada One You Expect: BeTina meet the pregnant woman, Marci, who may be carrying their future adoptee at her home. The house lies in a modest cul-de-sac and large barking Alsatian halts them as they attempt to enter. The message to the viewer is clear: Here lives white trash. Marci already has two children with indeterminate paternal lineage but comforts them with the knowledge that she knows who the father of this baby is but asks them not to mention him in front of her mother and stepfather because they would freak out if they knew the baby would be half-African-American. Before the meeting concludes, Marci’s mother and stepfather arrive home early and cross-examine BeTina. Bette somehow misinterprets the hostility towards their familial arrangement as polite enquiry and also completely misses both Marci’s crestfallen face and Tina’s subtle nudges urging her to cease all further discussion on marriage equality and gay adoption. BeTina are told to leave amidst the simmering tensions.

Dinner for Three: Alice and Jamie are preparing dinner in the kitchen. Lots and lots of lingering eye contact and smiling takes place over. Jamie says Alice should come work at the Gay & Lesbian Center because the kids admire her. Alice is clearly flattered semi-agrees to it.  

Boys Night in Hit: Kit and drag DJ Sunset Boulevard are surveying the dancefloor and chatting about Kit’s miserable track record with men. 

Sunset Boulevard: Honey, anybody who messes with Kit Porter’s heart is going to have to answer to Sunset Boulevard and that is not something I recommend.

Could romance be afoot? Lord knows, Kit loves the chivalrous types. Well, until they turn out to be complete dogs.

The Fourth Wheel Arrives: Helena arrives at Alice and Tasha’s for dinner and immediately the bubbling chemistry among Alice, Tasha and Jamie simmers down. And you just know this ain’t gonna work out.

More Trouble for Max and Tom: Max arrives in Hit to find Tom chatting and exchanging phone numbers with a strapping dude. Tom refuses to apologise for “just being friendly” and flattered by the attention. He takes his leave when Kit pops over to see how they’re enjoying themselves. Kit has a few consoling words for Max about his beleaguered masculinity and fear of impending parenthood. Feeling somewhat comforted Max seeks out Tom and apologises for his behaviour, citing the fluctuating hormones and the affront to his identity pregnancy brings as the primary source of his frustration but he loves Tom and can’t wait to start a family with him. Tom listens attentively but says nothing in response. Dum, dum dum…

Happy Families: Alice, Tasha and Jamie are perusing and chuckling over childhood snaps of Alice. Wait, where’s Helena? Oh there she is-somewhere in the background and totally out of the conversation. After looking at the photos, the conversation quickly evolves into “Do you want kids? How many?” And though none of the three on the couch have children, they fail to remember for a couple of minutes that Helena actually does. Helena accidentally over-shares that she lost custody of her children in a court battle, in which Helena’s own family supported her ex. Not exactly the story that impresses a lady. With that, Helena makes a break for the door amid hurried and half-in-earnest “thank yous” and “lovely to meet yous”. The three wheels—the tricycle?—are left to a game of monopoly or scrabble. Hmm, I would have thought a game of Twister would get them to where they need to go.

“Dylan you remember you told me you loved me baby!”: Helena rolls up outside Dylan’s and once she spots Dylan coming home, she runs toward her. Dylan obviously thinks that she’s in for a second round of Helena’s prison-style roughing up:

Dylan: [with hands defensively in front of her] Oh Helena, I’m sorry! I’m sorry I went to The Planet. I just didn’t know what else to do…
Helena: Have dinner with me. 

It’s actually Helena who looks more terrified in this scene than Dylan and once Dylan agrees to dinner, she retreats immediately muttering “F-CK!” to herself.

Shenny-proofing the House: Jenny has a surprise for Shane that she believes will delight Shane:

Jenny: I turned your bedroom into an office!

Shane is clearly appalled by this disturbing development and looks around the room incredulously:

Shane: Are you putting on the crazy Jenny show just to see how far you can push it with me? 

Thankfully, Shane has decided to call Jenny out on this one. But before they can have a grown-up conversation about it, Jenny immediately retreats into a passive-aggressive, self-pitying stance. Oh please, please, please don’t make us sit through Jenny in full-on melodramatic mode. Shane tries to snap her out of it one more time but Jenny persists in the childish routine:

Jenny: Do you hate me?
Shane: No.

Just so she can put Shane on the spot by asking:

Jenny: Do you love me?
Shane: [Pause] I do. I love you. 

*Groan*

And for dessert, we’ll have…: The Tasha-Alice-Jamie trikey is now washing dishes, laughing heartily and generally getting along swimmingly in Tasha and Alice’s kitchen. A plan unfolds pretty quickly to get Alice involved in organising a Dance Marathon for the kids at the Gay & Lesbian Center. Both Alice and Tasha are reticent about getting involved until Jamie implores and embraces each of them individually which seems to have a melting effect on them both and they come around to the idea. 

Kit’s Sun is Rising: Kit and Sunset are still chatting about the various foibles of the XY chromosomal human beings. Kit shares a fantasy from her youth about being whisked off her feet by the man of her dreams. Sunset listens and looks on adoringly. Sunset… you do know Helena is Kit’s business partner and not her bidniz partner, right?

Hitting the Hay: Tom and Max arrive home from the club and Tom is still giving Max the silent treatment. Max is trying to ascertain why Tom is continuing to give him the cold shoulder but Tom remains tight-lipped.

Tom does reveal that Max’s persistent self-deprecation is wearing him down. He then silently watches Max undress for bed in the reflection of a grimy window. 

DJ Angie on the Decks: BeTina are back in their motel room and venting their disappointment about the backwards attitudes they encountered earlier. Angie is engrossed in a variety of electrical appliance-related entertainment in the background.

Bette is mid-outburst about how she’s relieved it didn’t work out earlier because of the “genetic imprint” the child would carry when Marci knocks on the door. They invite her in and she apologises for the earlier events and offers them child regardless. She divulges that the child is a boy and why she wants BeTina to be the parents more than any of the other couples she has met:

Marci: It’s a boy. Which is another reason why I want you to be his parents. ‘Cos this world needs boys who are going to do things different. And I really want my baby to have a chance at that. Y’know, just making this world a little better.

BeTina are clearly delighted at the prospect of having a little boy in the family and it seems that the adoption is back on.

Night Becomes Day: BeTina are both lying awake contentedly contemplating what is about to come next.

Bette takes Tina’s hand gently and reassures her that her outburst from the previous night was a “momentary thing” and not a true reflection of her feelings on the adoption.

All by Himself: Max awakes alone and wanders around the house to find that Tom is gone, along with all of his stuff and the front door is open. Jeez, Tom, if you’re going to walk out on the guy and your kid, you could at least have the decency to close the door after you!

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]]> http://www.gaelick.com/2009/02/the-l-word-season-6-episode-4-%e2%80%9cleaving-los-angeles%e2%80%9d-recap/1421/feed/ 3 The L Word Season 6, Episode 3: “LMFAO” Recap http://www.gaelick.com/2009/02/l-word-season-6-episode-3-%e2%80%9clmfao%e2%80%9d-recap/1408/ http://www.gaelick.com/2009/02/l-word-season-6-episode-3-%e2%80%9clmfao%e2%80%9d-recap/1408/#comments Sat, 07 Feb 2009 15:08:33 +0000 HAL http://www.gaelick.com/?p=1408 Warning: Contains Spoilers!

Apologies for the lack of piccies. As soon as I figure this screen-grab business out, I’ll update.

 

After last week’s Shennyanigans what will happen? Will it be all doilies and docs, will Shane admit that at it was a sorry-screw or will Jenny decide to study this new side of their relationship until she squeezes all of the fun out of it and writes another piece of tortured shite? Oh she dies! That’s right. Can’t come soon enough.

A word on the title of this episode – there is a lot of laughing, a lot of people saying f–k and Shane’s cheekless posterior.

Tina in Shaolin: The producer formerly known as ‘what was with that dress last week’ is striding purposefully through Shoalin studios. She’s on her way to her boss’s office which we know because she got a message summoning her. As an aside, I think Tina may need glasses…check out the size of the text.  Shoulda gone to Specsavers.

In the boss’s office it’s clear things ain’t peachy in the land of Lez Girls. Summit’s up and Tina’s getting the blame.Turns out the negative of the film is missing. Don’t they have it on disk? Does anyone use negative’s anymore? Tina seems just as confused. Aaron thinks the Schecter has something to do with it but blames Tina coz that makes sense.

Credits: It’s neither the way that we live, or love. But, hey! it’s all we got.

Pillow talk: The camera pans up rumpled sheets to a couple in bed. EW! It’s Shenny, but thank god for small mercies, Jenny and her dawg are covering most of Shane’s scrawny body. They awake and Shane has that look. You know the one. “God please make her speak first so that I can just tell her what she wants to hear”. That one.

Jenny takes her hand away and there is Shane in all her boney glory. Eat something! Oh, you just did – f’narr. Jenny is looking all chuffed with herself and utters those little words we all love to hear whispered over the pillow:

Jenny: I‘m happy we f—ed

Shane laughs and checks that Jenny is sure, which she says she is while circling Shane’s nipple with her finger. You know? The nipple on her ribcage. They start to get down to it but stop when Shane realises that Jenny is wearing the world’s most unattractive knickers. Oh and the doorbell rings. YAY, it’s Alice! They both say that she has the worst timing….millions of viewers couldn’t disagree more.

 

Heavenly Hailey: Alice knows as soon as Shane opens the door that she’s been doing the beast with the two backs all night. Shane laughs it off but our intrepid heroine is determined. Then from the other room Jenny shouts:

Jenny: Hey little monkey, have you seen my earrings?

Little monkey? They have pet names already? Lesbians, they’ll be moving in together next. Oh…wait. Alice proceeds to steal the scene in what is arguably Leisha’s finest moment.

Alice: Little monkey? You guys super made up.

And then it happens, as Jenny enters the room and she and Shane are so obviously loved-up that Alice cops on. While is dawns on her, the camera pans in as she gets the same look my sister got when I told her where babies come from. Horror mixed with shock and a slight suggestion of nausea.

After the culprits leave the room and can be heard giggling, she all but says “you mean mam and dad did that?!” Something needs to be done….anything to deflect from what she’s hearing from the next room. Poor Alice does the only thing she can think of, she texts everyone the titbit.

Nuclear reactions: Hey it’s the TingTings playing! I love that song.

Helena: working up a sweat on the treadmill when she sees the message from Alice and promptly falls off with a shriek.

Tina: in a boring meeting which makes no sense. She’s listening to a woman and Angela Robinson, director of DEBS and this episode, she rocks- how could she be bored? She glances down to her Blackberry and stops the meeting with “what the faaalllk?”

Tasha: wearing that haaawt suit again, chuckles that gorgeous chuckle of hers.

Bette: in a meeting with arty types who are trying to sound important, she checks her message and laughs openly and gorgeously. Swoon. I heart you Bette.

Kit: looks at her vibrating phone like it’s a snake and doesn’t understand why it’s making that noise or what a text message is. Seriously? The woman runs a club and doesn’t know how to use a phone? Maybe she’s just confused as she’s no chance to say “girl!” in this scene.

Peabody and the busy body: With Shane leaving to do Eric Mabius’ hair (we miss you Tim), Jenny wants a quick word. Shane seems so ashamed of their hook-up that she’s disguised herself as The Cat in the Hat. You also know she’s thinking about the Ting Tings; “shut up and let me go – hey!”

To avoid Alice, they step outside so Alice naturally follows them to eavesdrop. Can I just mention how cute Alice’s ring tone is? A quacking duck – cuuuuute! It’s Helena wanting to know WTF is going on. Alice gives her a blow by blow, so to speak.

Jenny has no expectations of their relationship, wants to set boundaries, yadda yadda. Then they kiss. Alice I love you!!! She’s totally grossed out and tells Helena:

Alice: They’re kissing. Ew..Ew!!

Helena: Alice, you’re being childish. They’re both grown-ups. If they want to get involved with one another that’s totally their prerogative.

Alice: She just said Jenny was a good kisser.

Helena: Ew..hew..hew, oh my god that’s disgusting!

When she finishes up, Jenny asks Alice not to mention any of that to anyone. Alice replies that it’s none of her business. Lol! Nice Alice…

Courtship: Bette is on her way to her office, chatting to Tina on the phone about the events of the few hours. Jodie and Tom are waiting. She finishes up by telling Tina that she loves her while making sure that Jodie can read her lips. Cold – 15, love. She’s also continuing the pirate theme of last week, this time in a femmy pink number.

She asks why Tom is there and Jodie informs her that the ADA (American’s Disabilities Act) allows her have an interpreter, and anyway Bette’s signing was never really that good. Ooh, 15, all.

Bette tells her that they would both agree it’s uncomfortable working together, she needs the department to run smoothly and therefore she thinks Jodie should resign. Jodie refuses. When Bette points out that Jodie offered to resign a few weeks ago, Jodie explains that was because she wanted to save Bette’s ass. But now that she’s no longer in love with Bette, she’s not resigning. Bette says she’ll have to fire her. Ooohh…double fault Bette! That’s sexual harassment.

The spectre of Schecter: People may wonder in future episodes why someone would want to kill Jenny. The following few minutes pretty much sums it up.

As you can imagine, Alice’s duck is quacking like crazy as people need more Shenny news. It’s annoying Jenny who is busy constructing her soap box.

Jenny, holding up Alice’s hand-written work: How long did it take you to write this?

Alice: I just kinda wrote that in a night, just kinda stream-of-consciousness, spit it out.

Jenny, smacking the work down on the table: One night? This took you one night. You people think you can just come into Hollywood and suddenly you’re just gonna make it. And you’re going to just write everything and it’s gonna be great and all in one night. You know what? My work to write a screenplay is a craft. And if you’re going to sit across from me you’re going to have to take it seriously. So this is what we’re gonna do. Pitch it to me – go. I’m an executive ok?

Alice, obviously waking up after wondering when Jenny would shut the hell up, realises that she’s talking to her: Like a pitch meeting. I need to work on this, it’s a good idea.

It’s a story about a super-cool TV show host and a her cop girlfriend who solve a murder investigation. Alice just gets cuter.

Alice: It’s kinda got everything.

Jenny: Except a good idea. That’s not gonna sell. Pretty boring. But you know the heart of this is that it’s just not realistic. These two people would never be in a relationship together.

Bitch! Not alone does she dismiss Alice’s work but also a relationship Alice is working very hard to save. Jenny, Jenny, Jenny, could that be a green-eyed monster? Could you be slightly jealous that writing comes easier to Alice and that she’s in a healthy adult relationship? Stream of consciousness, Jenny, it was good enough for Beckett, it’s probably be too good for you. Oh but you had a book published once didn’t you? Well then you must be an expert.

Jenny continues to pour on the pretention, by insulting Alice in a way that I ain’t gonna take. Murder? Yeah, it was me in the pool with a huge satisfied grin.

Jenny: When I hear you in a group of people, I close my eyes and I’m like wow! that girl, that voice! She should be doing cartoon voice-overs.

Alice, as the doorbell rings: I’ve never really thought of cartoons as a career move.

Jenny: You have a unique vocal range that’s right here.

Alice, as Tina screams for Jenny to open the door: Ok! Well thank you so much for the inspiration.

Inspiration? Don’t you mean motive?

Negative response: As Tina enters the house and Alice leaves, Alice tells her not to say anything about the titbit. Tina does the EW! when Alice tells her she saw them kiss. With tongue. Ew!

Jenny makes Tina even more frustrated by grinding coffee beans while she tells her about the disappearance of Lez Girls negative. Poor Tina, thank god she’s a mother and is used to explaining things to self-centred brats.

Tina: We shot on film. The kind that takes pictures. Ok?

Jenny: Ok…

Tina: The negative is the original image, without that you can’t make prints, without prints you can’t screen it in a movie theatre. No one’s gonna see our movie.

Jenny: Are you saying that nobody’s gonna see the movie?

No, I’m saying you’ve been nominated for an Oscar.

Jenny: Oh my god Tina, this film is my whole life.

What? You were fired and they changed the ending. How can this be your whole life? Oh yes, you’re a writer who is living off the glory of having written a book once. A book which inspired a psycho to ruin your life. Sorry, my bad. Anyway, Tina asks if the movie is here.

Jenny: If it’s here? If I stole it? Oh my god you want to know if I stole the movie!

Lord Tina, it’s going to be a long day. Jenny didn’t steal it, she proceeds to rant about how if this film doesn’t come out she’s totally f—ked, that she needs the film to come out so she has any chance of getting a job again. I hope Alice heard! See? She knows she’s shit! Ha!

Fruity pair: As Shane and Alice enjoy a healthy brekkie of fruit and yogurt, Shane tells her that it was a once off thing and she won’t be sleeping with Jenny again. Until the next time. Alice continues to be horrified but now it’s tempered by a healthy does of amusement. Shane leaves to buy beer as requested by her boink buddy.

Shane: I gotta get going. I gotta find a liquor store.

Liquor? Didn’t you?

Battling and behooving: Bette enters Phyllis’ office needing to talk about Jodie. But guess who’s already there? Phyllis feels it “behooves” them to get each side of the story. Jodie has already filled her in, so it’s Bette’s turn. She goes on about how Jodie isn’t interested in authority and as Bette’s “subordinate” she is determined to make life hell for both of them. Subordinate? Didn’t you give out to Tina years ago for using that very word?

Phyllis tells it like it is and tells Bette to stop letting the “dyke drama” interfere with her job. Of course Bette freaks. how could anyone think she is being unprofessional? Maybe because she is? Sorry but come on, you dump your girl and then want her gone? It don’t happen that way. Unfortunately.

Phyllis: When you entered into a sexual relationship with a subordinate, as you call her, you relinquished the right to hire her. Coz that’s what’s called sexual harassment.

Word! Jodie rather smugly says she’s not going to sue for sexual harassment but Phyl is determined that even the whiff of it is unacceptable so tells Bette to cop herself on.

Shenny: Jenny wakes Shane, who’s enjoying an afternoon nap, to tell her that she finished her treatment (physchological?) and “guess what, I was thinking you”. Oh shut up. Then we have kissage, bedroom stuff, ew! Neeeext!

Alice shows them: Ms P is on her show and is about to do her dirt dishing, but she decides to be a smidge more serious. Much to the ‘delight’ of her co-hosts. Another excuse to show just how wonderful Leisha is – from comic gold to serious as a heart attack faster than a speeding bullet.

Alice, reading from letter she received from fan: for the last three weeks by brother, wade, as been on life support. I was in the hospital everyday praying for a miracle but this morning I watched as they lowered my big brother’s coffin into the ground. My brother’s dead because he wrote a love-letter to a guy named Marcus. And Marcus shot him in the face. I’m writing to ask you to please tell your viewers that it’s not okay to hurt gay people.

As you can imagine, Alice’s co-hosts are gob-smacked and her producer is having a fit. What happened to smiley-smiley Alice, the happy gay? She’s taking care of bidness.

Alice: I know I’ve justified outing in the past, saying it’s a political act. I certainly do believe that the world would be better if people felt free and safe enough to be who they really are. But what I forgot was some people choose to stay in the closet for other reasons. One of those reasons is homophobia is alive and well, and oftentimes in this country, it can be deadly.

I know this is all true and serious stuff but it’s so out of kilter with the rest of the episode it rankles. Maybe that’s the point. Violence should rankle at the very least and if this scene has no place in this episode, well violence has no place in this world. Amen sister HAL. Cut to commercial.

Shoutin studios: Tina has been summoned to the office of doom again. This time it turns out that her signature is on the delivery document of the Lez Girls negative. The plot thickens.

Phyllis fancies a porter: Phyl and Bette are in a bar talking about the untenable situation in work. Phyl tells her she needs to resign. They discuss how badly the situation could reflect on Phyl as she’s gay too. She also says that Nadia (remember her? Blondie, long legs, like kids’ books – in the car with Bette?) made a complaint against Bette and Phyl covered for her. Two strikes and you’re out Bette. Phyllis tells Bette she’ll find a job quick smart. Lucky she just met up with an old friend who owns a gallery space that Bette “would kill for”. Sigh, sometimes you feel the writers aren’t even trying.

In a delicious scene which both actresses are obviously loving, Bette tries to drink away the thought of unemployment as Phyllis starts to tell her how much she means to her. And I mean, how much she means to her. Turns out our Phyllis has had a crush on Dean Porter for a while.

Phyllis: Bette, I’ve always found you wildly, exquisitely attractive. You are and will always be the woman of my dreams.

She leans in to kiss her, Bette leans back so far that Phyl falls off the bar-stool.

Flower girl: Kit is looking at flowers (‘oohh girl!’) which have arrived for Helena. She says she wants nothing to do with anything sent by Dylan. I though she said Dylan Moran and had an odd visual but apparently it’s Dylan Moreland. Kit read the card – ‘you’re beautiful when you’re angry’ – and does one of those patented mmhmm smirks. Girl!

P45 number 2: Alice is doing the Hollywood ‘looking through the wardrobe and finding nothing suitable’ routine. She’s been called into a meeting a is going to get fired for her does of the truth on air. Before she and Tasha can argue again, the phone rings. The girl who wrote the now infamous letter is threatening to jump off a ledge. Seriously, there are those writers wanting to leave at 4 on a Friday again.

Alice and Tasha head over to the scene of the potential suicide. The woman who called them says that Alice is the girl’s (Marie’s) heroin. As they head out to the roof, Tasha says that Alice isn’t qualified to, or capable of talking anyone down off a ledge. She could talk me down anywhere. Ooop, sorry.

Alice is slightly peeved that Tasha doesn’t have faith in her, so she storms off to talk the girl down. I’ll spare you the after school specialness of the following scene. Suffice to say, Alice succeeds in saving the girl. No one seems to care that the poor girl now has to get on with her life, depressed and torn. No, it’s all about how worthy the whole things is. Sigh.

LMFAO: At Hit, Kit and Sunset Boulevard are flirting. Is it just me who thinks these two would be great together? Imagine all the ‘girl!’ chances she’d get?

The lads all arrive. YAY!! A group scene!!! How we’ve missed them. Tasha is proposing a toast to Alice:

Tasha: I just wanna say that she really surprised me today, and I’m very proud of her. And I’m very happy and proud to be her girlfriend.

YAY!!! All’s well that ends well, god bless us everyone. Oh no, it’s Shenny in the parking lot, with tongue. Kit sees the potential retinal scarring and runs back to the group where Bette is telling everyone about how she received her P45. Tina is being very understand considering her lady is unemployed for screwing around and she herself is potentially out of a job. Kit arrives:

Kit: I just saw Jenny and Shane in the car. Shane’s hand was all up Jenny’s skirt and Jenny’s tongue is all goin….

Alice: Kit! Kit! You don’t know how to check your text messages, do you?

Kit: Is that what my phone was doing all that buzzing about?

Girl, you gotta read yo manual!

Shane arrives alone. Everyone is trying very obviously not to laugh. Jenny arrives 2.5 seconds later. More badly-disguised snorting. Bette is hilarious! She just can’t help herself. After the crap day she’s had, it’s a kind of ‘if I don’t laugh I’ll cry’ thing. Her chortle is gorgeous and it’s great to see her so out of control – although I’m totally biased.

Shane and Jenny make excuses to check out the VIP area, separately but together. Much to the delight of the all-knowing friends.

Kit’s future lover-man is on stage and asks her to cut a rug with him. She does and looks haaaawt doin it too. Shane and Jenny look on from the VIP area and start to snog. Much to the hilarity of our group who can see every flick of the tongue.

Ew!!!!!

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]]> http://www.gaelick.com/2009/02/l-word-season-6-episode-3-%e2%80%9clmfao%e2%80%9d-recap/1408/feed/ 7 The L Word Season 6, Episode 2: “Least Likely” Recap http://www.gaelick.com/2009/01/l-word-season-6-episode-2-%e2%80%9cleast-likely%e2%80%9d-recap/1371/ http://www.gaelick.com/2009/01/l-word-season-6-episode-2-%e2%80%9cleast-likely%e2%80%9d-recap/1371/#comments Fri, 30 Jan 2009 05:52:00 +0000 orange http://www.gaelick.com/?p=1371

Warning: Contains Spoilers!

Console thineselves, episode two marks the quarter-way-through-point of the very last season. With only six episodes left, what does episode two tell us about the identity or motivations of Jenny’s future killer? Thankfully, not a lot and this episode focuses on the scorching scenes of smut and splendour that The L Word does so well.

Episode two opens in Nikki’s crib: Her entourage are littered around the furniture and in front of the various entertainment centres. Nikki is still steaming about her slap-down from Jenny in episode one and in between tirades, she still manages to find a spare moment to ask a redundant question:

Nikki: “A showmance? I don’t even know what the fuck that is!”

Two of her obsequious ingénues are quick to google the term and read out the Wikipedia entry for Showmance. Because the term is so impenetrably complex that the audience needed it to be explained to them? Oh dear, this could be a very long episode… Anyway, back to Nikki’s eruptions of fury…

Nikki: “She is officially a liar and I officially hate her!”

Nikki proceeds to roust her plastipals from her penthouse and then—alone and clutching the balcony railing—she stares off into the middle-distance resolutely. [Here I invite you to play along at home folks by pressing the mute button and adding a few “BONG!” sound effects to recreate your own Angelus. Parodying The L Word by remixing it with snippets of RTÉ’s religious programming could be a fun new game. Press the mute button anyway, here come Betty and the opening credits.] Vengefully, Nikki warns:

Nikki: “You are dead meat, Schechter. Dead!”

Ooooh, them’s killin’ words! Have we our first suspect? Doubtful, since Nikki’s murderous gaze is likely to be soon distracted by something fluffy and puggle-shaped.

Here’s lookin’ at you, Kit: Over at Kit ad Helena’s new club, the co-managers are picking fabrics for refurbishing the club in a Casablanca theme. Hold up a second though.

We’re all aware that Kit and Helena bought a café together, ran a café together, then bought a club together and are now running a club together but when did they start picking glass frames together and ironing one another’s hair? I’m guessing they’re demonstrating their “we are surrious purrfessionals” enterprising look. Kit flirts with the new DJ, drag sensation, Sunset Boulevard.

In the dungeon of discontent: The Planet may well be serving its peach pie with plastic cutlery while the battle of Jennygrad rages on. Alice is managing to dodge the tension by immersing herself in her MacBook. Shane makes yet another thwarted display of contrition in the form of waffles, which Kit is eager to point out that Shane has prepared herself. Alice’s ducking into her MacBook doesn’t disappear her off the radar. Enlisted to act as go-between messenger in a display of comic genius by Leisha Hailey.

Bette and Tina arrive glowing about the valet service Helena has introduced in The Planet. Tina turns to see Jenny stomping past.

Tina: Ooh, waffles!

But before Tina has finished smacking her lips at the prospect of Belgian breakfast treats, the waffles are demonstratively discharged into the rubbish bin.

Kit: Jenny, haven’t you heard that there are people starving in this world?
Jenny: I’m sure they don’t want waffles, Kit.

Bette and Tina are still standing by the door and playing Rock, Paper, Scissors. Bette loses three rounds because she always plays rock. Apparently, Bette is that stunningly allegorical, which Tina has to spell out for her. But avast, me harpies, what is Bette wearing? It looks like Bette broke into Jack Sparrow’s wardrobe while jonesing for some frou frou sleeves. The contest was to determine who would sit with the “martyrs” or the “cheaters”. It’s all so Jets and Sharks.

Tina sits with the martyrs (Jenny, Alice and Tasha) and Bette joins the cheaters (Kit, Shane). As Tina sits down she points out how industrious everyone looks. Alice says that she is writing a treatment for a screenplay. Jenny looks positively murderous at the news. Tina suggests that Jenny should read and give feedback on Alice’s treatment. Both Alice and Jenny could not look any more reluctant unless Tina had suggested that they both dine upon one of Angie’s diapers for breakfast.

All the while, Tina and Bette are exchanging sms updates from the two tables.

Tina firmly plants her Monolo Blahniks in her gob when she asks Alice and Tasha about their upcoming couples therapy sessions. Alice’s indiscretion in telling Tina about the therapy session prompts an already tetchy Tasha to rise from the table and storm out the door. Not the best mood for Tasha to be in for her first day in the police academy. Tina relays the frayed relations on Team Martyr via another text message:

Bette: [Beep, beep] “Uh-oh. Privacy.”

Alice confronts Jenny about the bad vibes currently circling the group and asserts that they’re emanating from her rift with Shane:

Alice: This place is becoming like the Black Hole of Calcutta.

Helena briefly enters, spots the face-off, thinks the wiser, and bolts out the door again.

Kit: [To Helena] Go Switzerland!

Bette and Tina attempt to temper the atmosphere in the room—which is now about as inviting as an airplane toilet after its 250 passengers have contracted food poisoning—by sharing some good news with everyone. They have registered to adopt and are renovating their house to fit in one more bedroom. The momentary joy for the mommas is obliterated when Jenny stridently objects to the noise and inconvenience a construction site will encumber her. Before Jenny can successfully complete yet another grandiose exit, Shane implores her to talk to her and work their problems out. Jenny, true to form, shoots her down. At this point, Alice is sagely circling the air with her index fingers, evincing “The Black Hole…”

Outside Jenny and Shane’s house, Shane is reprezentin’ for Bill & Ben the Flower Pot Men: Shane is planting herbaceous perennials in another attempt to curry favour with Jenny. Max and Tom arrive from Max’s tool-shed abode in the garden and encounter Shane.

I can’t quite tell if Max is paying homage to Charlton Heston’s Moses or if he has exceeded his transition by becoming one of the Brothers Gibb. Either way, the hirsute looks he’s sporting tells us not merely that he’s going for his final consult, but probably a back, sack and crack wax as well.

In the boardroom of Tina’s production company: Marketing execs are peddling “Lez Girls”, now renamed “The Girls”. The film poster is a boy-girl lover’s embrace with teeny-tiny photographs running along the bottom for each of the formerly leading characters.

Exec #1: Boy meets girl. Boy almost loses girl to girl.
Exec #2: But in the end the audience wants love to prevail.

Aaron has been keeping Tina in the dark on the new direction of the film and serves her an ultimatum:

Aaron: Get on board, Tina. The train’s not going to lezzietown.

Faculty meeting in CU: The great and good of the art faculty are cooing over the positive write-ups Jodi’s recent vengeful installation, which showcased Bette’s deceit, has received in various art journals. The journals have dug deeper into the meaning and raked over Bette’s professional life. Wow, Jodi’s revenge is the kinda gift that keeps on giving. Couldn’t Jodi have just left Bette with a nasty venereal disease like any other burned ex? I guess it wouldn’t have had the same professional fallout as subjecting her to her artistic gaze.

Max-imum chaos: Max is going for his final consult before surgery. Unfortunately, his hormone reports have picked up a problem. Can you guess what it is? Bingo! Max and Tom may be monogamous but Max is still pregnant. An unplanned pregnancy and Max’s long-awaited surgery is delayed. Sing it with us, Max: #“When your surgery’s gone and you’ve a baby bomb, It’s a TRAGEDY!”

Meeting’s over in CU: Bette has managed to endure the entirety of the meeting. Before she can leave, Jodi seizes the opportunity to lash another spear of passive-aggression at Bette. A colleague asks Jodi quietly about Bette’s response to the much-lauded “Core” work. However, without the help of her assistant, Tom (who has popped out to reply to a “Call me as soon as you can” message from Max), Jodi struggles to understand the question. It falls on an uncomfortable Bette to translate. But Jodi doesn’t let Bette off without another sliver of public humiliation and replies:

Jodi: I don’t know [To Bette] How did you like the show?

Bette stares back at Jodi, looking as if she may actually generate steam from her ears. Bette brushes aside the question, and seeks to reassert her professional authority over Jodi by demanding a meeting with Jodi. But Jodi isn’t done playing yet and fobs Bette off with vague excuses of being busy with other plans.

Phyllis’s office: Having felt sufficiently humiliated both personally and professionally, Bette is accompanying Phyllis back to her office to discuss Jodi’s escalating obstinacy. Oh but Bette’s morning o’ horrors does not end there because as Phyllis opens the door to her office, Joyce pops out from behind a plant like a naked jack-in-the-box:

Phyllis: Joyce, cover your junk!

Bette recoils from the office, gasping “we’ll reschedule”. Indeed, Bette. Reschedule to a date when you’ve had time to erase the trauma from your eyes. Preferably, with industrial floor cleaner and whatever household acids you can lay your hands on. Phyllis is attempting to scold Joyce for dropping by “buck nekkid” but is silenced when Joyce pops the question! Joyce has arranged for Gavin Newsom to perform the ceremony on the steps of City Hill in San Francisco. Interestingly, Joyce requests Phyllis’ hand in “Holy Matrimony”, which is an unexpected proposition from a lesbian divorce lawyer. Phyllis at first protests that she doesn’t want to get married again but in the blinding refracted light of the four-carat engagement ring, and the fact that the passage of Prop 8 will shortly annul the marriage anyway, she says “Yes”.

Therapy session #1: While Phyllis and Joyce are revelling in their newfound engagement, Tasha and Alice are working through their issues with therapist, Dan Foxworthy (Does his name ring a bell? It was he who previously therapised Bette and Tina):

Foxworthy: Who wants to tell me why you’re here?
Alice: Oh, we’re just here for a tune-up.

Dan repeatedly attempts to engage Tasha in the session but in spite of the chasmic distance between Alice and Tasha on the couch, Alice still manages to interrupt before Tasha can get a single word in. Finally Dan shushes Alice just long enough for Tasha to give her slant on the reasons why they broke up the previous week. Alice rolls her eyes incredulously but unconvincingly so we know that Tasha has proferred a spot-on summary of the faults in their relationship:

Foxworthy: Why do you think Alice told you [about wanting to kiss another woman]?
Tasha: I think that she told me because she wanted to break up with me. And bringing this woman between us was the easiest way to do that. She knew how I felt; she knew that I would break up with her. And when I did, she got scared. And that’s why we’re here.

Max’s bad day continues: Max arrives at a family planning clinic to terminate the pregnancy. The receptionist thinks that Max’s presence is some kind of joke and threatens to have him removed from the building. Losing patience, Max blurts:

Max: I’m an FTM transsexual, alright?!

While the receptionist is still attempting to compute the information, Max turns to the snickering group in the waiting area:

Max: “Yeah, that’s right! Take a good look! I’m a man and I’m pregnant! It happens. Don’t you read the fucking tabloids?! [To receptionist] Can I have my appointment now please?

Jenny and Shane’s house: Jenny is busy writing the same sentence about she seems to have been writing since breakfast in The Planet. Outside, Shane is undertaking yet another act of atonement by washing Jenny’s car. Not a wet t-shirt in sight but on the plus side, if Jenny holds out for long enough she might get a few weeks of laundry and construction of a veranda out of Shane.

Over in Foxworthy’s den: Alice and Tasha appear to be doing much better and are now facing each other and making promises to one another to try and get their relationship back on track. Alice and Tasha seem genuinely pleased with their progress and even request homework from Foxworthy. Foxworthy drops a bombshell on them though by telling them that he doesn’t believe they should remain together as they have so little in common.

Leaving their appointment with Foxworthy, Alice is ranting:

Alice: I mean, what the fuck? We spent 55 minutes with this guy. I mean, where does he get off?
Tasha: I told you. Therapy’s bullshit.
Alice: It’s bullshit!

Well, if nothing else, they now have an aversion to therapy in common. Alice hops into her Mini, and Tasha collects her motorcycle helmet from the car. Upset by Foxworthy’s dismissal of their relationship, both look dejected and go to give each other a kiss goodbye, which turns into a kiss hello as Tasha clambers into the Mini as well. Looks like they weren’t done ‘reconnecting’ up in Foxworthy’s office and a steamy session takes off in Alice’s car. It’s not only extremely arousing; it’s downright impressive to be pulling those moves in a Mini Cooper!

Panic in the clinic: Max is marching down a corridor of the clinic, looking to leave when Tom arrives, apologising because he couldn’t get there any sooner. Max has just found out that he is four months pregnant and therefore abortion is not an option. Tom is bewildered and Max is furious. Tom is asking how it happened, Max responds by yelling:

Max: I don’t know [why my doctor didn’t tell me this could happen]. Maybe she didn’t think I was stupid enough to let some faggot fuck me.

The two begin arguing and shoving each other and eventually Max sends Tom to the floor with a swift knee to the crotch, the severity of which is likely to ensure no further surprise pregnancies. Beleaguered, Max drops to the floor too and both look exasperated and thoroughly unprepared for what lies ahead.

How do I love thee? Let me list the ways: Alice and Tasha are now writing up a list of pros and cons. It’s a model Alice adopted from her mother who used it to determine the fate of all of her marriages. Tasha questions the credibility of using a device which culminated in a succession of divorces.

Alice: Well, she had very successful divorces.

As Alice begins to write delineate the “Pro” and “Con” sides on the list in different coloured pens, Tasha immediately interjects:

Tasha: Hold up, why “Con” gotta be black though?
Alice: It’s not a race thing. It’s just, um … red is happy. Red is, like, “Pro.”
Tasha: No, red represents the devil.

To which Alice inserts “Colour Weirdness” under the “Con” list.

At an exhibition opening: Bette and Tina are at the opening of a private collection, held by an unknown but very wealthy private collector, Kelly Wentworth. Bette is in art connoisseur mode and comments that the “work is good but the show is uneven”. Tina playfully acts the cultural ignoramus and points at a piece, remarking, “this one’s weird”. Bette enquires about the identity of the mystery collector from a fellow art enthusiast. He dishes the scandal: She’s a recently divorced and—consequently—newly minted millionaire. Wentworth’s ears must have been burning because she appears beside them to fill in the gaps in the gossip. Wentworth introduces herself to Bette who makes pleasant small talk complimenting her on the show. It turns out that Kelly Wentworth is actually Kelly “Juicy” Freemont, Bette’s college roommate. And the two shared a brief kiss which sent Juicy into:

Bette: …such a deep and abiding homosexual panic that ["Juicy"] moved out of the house immediately.

Kelly misses no opportunity to flatter Bette, much to Tina’s chagrin, and Kelly’s eyes are locked on Bette throughout the exchange. Hmm, perhaps there is more to this story than a two-second kiss twenty years ago. Will Bette stray again? Bette just about remembers to introduce Tina, which is difficult to believe because I’m watching this scene, expecting Barnum & Bailey to come crashing through the door since Tina has evidently stolen their tent and is now wearing it as some kind of poncho-cum-dress.

Lists and lists and lists: Alice and Tasha have successfully documented all of the pros and cons of their relationship but the cons are clearly outweighing the pros. In an effort to skew the findings to their favour, Tasha introduces a points system:

Tasha: Okay, let’s say this: “Doesn’t cook with pepper ever” should get two points and “Is spontaneous”, ‘cos I really appreciate that about you, [Alice spontaneously spanks Tasha eliciting Tasha’s fantastic and adorable laugh.]  will get like eight points.
Alice: That is so smart. I’m going to write down “Is smart”.
Tasha: How many points?
Alice: Oh, nine. I’m gonna put nine. Oh yeah, the pros are so winning now!

Re-balancing the list may be the last ditch effort to save the sinking ship but you can’t help but root for Alice and Tasha to make it because there is something so endearing about their rapport.

Showdown at the Millionaire’s Art Museum: Tina and Bette are moving to leave and approach Kelly who is exchanging phone numbers with a young artist, which judging by the heavy flirtation is more akin to arranging bidniz than business. Kelly doesn’t miss another opportunity to insinuate that Bette played around a lot in her youth:

Kelly: We have to make a plan. Lunch, dinner, whatever… I really want to pick that brain of yours.
Bette: Yeah, well, the first thing I would tell you is not to sign artists that you want to fuck.
Kelly: That comes from firsthand experience?

A conversation over Bette and Tina’s shoulders has piqued their interest. It is the sycophantic lauding of several art pundits over Jodi’s recent work. Jodi grins and looks affectionately upon her adorers, with new ladyfriend in tow. Tina grants Bette leave to confront Jodi about Jodi’s persistent unresponsiveness to the many requests for appointments issued by Bette’s assistant. Bette issues a warning that Jodi has “until tomorrow” to see her, or else. Or else what, you may ask? Unfortunately, the audience is left in the dark on that point as we cut back to Tina and Kelly. Kelly is telling Tina about Bette’s illustrious varsity career as the campus lesbian Lothario.

Of all the Hit clubs in all the world…: Alice is failing to understand how Helena and Kit’s “No alcohol. No sex. All business” pledge is in any way enjoyable. Helena protests that she stil has the occasional drink and even sex, from time-to-time. As if divined by these words, one such former conquest of Helena’s is spotted by Alice on the dancefloor. Dylan (Alexadra Hedison) from series 3 is grooving as “the filling in the lesbo sandwich”, as Alice puts it.

Tasha: That girl used to be straight (Your surprise is not misplaced, Tasha. We all pondered on that question too).
Alice: Well, she wasn’t gay back when she was fucking Helena.

While Kit and Alice are freaking out about the apparition of Dylan, Helena maintains that she is fine about it. Which is completely understandable considering Dylan extorted Helena for sexual harassment and her personally and professionally.

You, me and baby makes three: Max is letting off steam by blasting the holy hell out of pixel-based nasties in a videogame when Tom stops by. Tom has called over to apologise for the way he reacted and to talk to Max about the prospect of having a child and raising it together.

Tom: “Don’t you want to be a couple of West Hollywood fag Dads?”

They cuddle and make up:

Max: I’m sorry I kicked you in the balls.
Tom: I’m sorry I knocked you up.

Awwwww, you guys. Cute!

Back from the gallery and having a good old-fashioned bitching session: Tina is impersonating Kelly Wentworth’s fawning over Bette and doesn’t miss an opportunity to impart Kelly’s earlier revelation that Bette was a college player. Bette denies it, citing that Kelly was too busy getting jiggy with every male college professor on campus to have noticed who Bette was or was not doing. Tina is good-natured but needs to probe a little deeper. She says that she is not going to be the one to tell Kelly that Bette is off the market. Tina then points out that Bette needs to flirt, that it feeds her like blood for a vampire. Oops, perhaps not the best simile Tina could have chosen but how-and-ever, Bette then obfuscates the matter:

Bette: You need to trust that I know who I am, and I know what to do with it.

Hmm, we don’t really know what that means. But it’s okay because neither does Tina. The conversation ends there, as Bette slips a hand up Tina’s dress and Tina pins Bette to the bed while fetters of clothing fall around them. Very, very hot.

Hitting out: Alice has taken to her feet and is marching purposefully over to Dylan. She shoves Dylan and as Dylan turns around, Alice is completely ready to serve Dylan with a “How very dare you?” monologue when something hilarious happens: In Alice’s over-zealous pursuit of protecting her friend’s dignity, she becomes completely flustered and utters not a single intelligible word:

Alice: I mean, come on… The hair! The hair… and the documentaries!?
Dylan: Uh, I…
Alice: It’s… like… my… not… Gay?!?!?

Alice will no doubt be haunted by staircase wit later on but thankfully, Helena has arrived and Tasha is shuffling a still-sputtering Alice off the dance floor. While Dylan asks Helena, if they can talk, Alice is filling Tasha in on the shameful exploits of Dylan. Dylan tells Helena that she is indeed now gay (forgive us for not dropping to our knees in astonishment), and that she has never stopped thinking about her. All the while, Helena listens but with the all the fervour of an octogenarian at a Miley Cyrus concert. Helena then offhandedly but politely invites Dylan to stay and enjoy her club with her friends. She then sashays away with Pellegrino in hand, leaving Dylan looking crushed.

Alice:…And [Helena's] mother gets stung by a jellyfish! All because of this woman [gestures at Dylan].

Helena rejoins Alice and Tasha and sits motionless while Alice briefs Tasha on the trials and tribulations of Helena Peabody from 2005 to date. Seeing Dylan make her way for the exit, Helena rises and follows her out to the parking lot. It seems Helena got a hold of what Alice was trying to say earlier and is now launching a full-scale verbal onslaught on Dylan. Helena even demonstrates another one of those prison moves when she slams Dylan into her car.

Dylan: Thank you. Now I know you care.

Careful Dylan or next time Helena might leave you with your jaw wired shut.

Shane knocking at Jenny’s door: Shane attempts to enter the house but Jenny has the door chained shut. Shane makes a beeline for her stuff and begins packing.

Jenny: So that’s it? You’re, you’re done trying?
Shane: I’m out. I don’t see the point with you anymore.

Well, it looks like Jenny will have to find some other persecuted soul to up that veranda for her then. For the first time in over a week Jenny talks to Shane, revealing that it was in fact Shane and not Nikki who broke her heart.

Jenny: I also realise that I’m in love with you.

Wuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaattttttt???!?!?!?!????!

Shane’s mind is clearly blown asunder and she reels on her feet for a few seconds before tentatively walking after Jenny. Shane embraces her and while we’re wondering what will happen next and hoping and PRAYING for them to remain bezzie mates, the inevitable happens with Shane in awkward romantic situations, and she kisses Jenny. And I reach for a basin, which I have renamed the “Shenny Bucket” and designated for the express purpose of taking care of my displaced dinners if these two insist on being all smoochyface.

I cannot wait to see what the rest of the L Wordettes have to say about this “least likely” Shenny development.

No related posts.

]]> http://www.gaelick.com/2009/01/l-word-season-6-episode-2-%e2%80%9cleast-likely%e2%80%9d-recap/1371/feed/ 4 The L Word Season 6, Episode 1: “Long Night’s Journey into Day” Recap http://www.gaelick.com/2009/01/l-word-season-6-episode-1-%e2%80%9clong-nights-journey-into-day%e2%80%9d-recap/1330/ http://www.gaelick.com/2009/01/l-word-season-6-episode-1-%e2%80%9clong-nights-journey-into-day%e2%80%9d-recap/1330/#comments Mon, 19 Jan 2009 05:22:05 +0000 orange http://www.gaelick.com/?p=1330

Warning: Contains Spoilers!

Here it is: The final season of The L Word has begun airing in the US. And if past seasons have taught us anything, we sure as hell don’t know what to expect. Particularly as the timeline for this season begins three months after the end of season 5, when one of the main characters has been found dead in Bette’s swimming pool. The L Word has formerly been slapstick, tearjerky, dramatic, but has it now jumped into the murder-mystery genre? Well, this first episode would suggest that it’s not quite swapping its copy of Curve for a detective’s notebook just yet. Although, either way, someone’s going to wearing a trilby.

Front of Shane and Bette’s houses, awash with the blue and red lights of police cars: So the scene is set – there’s been a moydah! Enter Lucy Lawless (Battlestar Galactica, Xena: Warrior Princess) as the investigating sergeant. She walks into Bette’s house, while a uniformed officer fills her (and the viewer) in on what has taken place: a woman was found dead in the pool, seven women were having a low-key party in the house. The remaining women are waiting in the living room. Inside Bette’s living room, Bette, Tina, Alice, Shane, Helena, and Kit sit looking sombre and stunned. But where’s Jenny? Oh wait there she is… rolling by on a stretcher. Jenny has been found dead in Bette’s pool. That explains why Bette and Shane are sitting soaked and wearing only towels… I thought that may have been merely my over-active imagination.

Here come the Titles, have your mute button trigger-finger ready because the Betty theme tune is still with us for season 6.

Flashback to the end of last season: Now we go back three months to the showdown at the ‘Lez Girls’ wrap party, where Tina is steaming with fury because she has just discovered that the movie she was producing, now has a “Oops! I was straight after all. So long ladies!” ending. Meanwhile, Jenny has stumbled upon Shane dining at Niki’s downstairs restaurant. In the resulting car chase (Yes, a car chase! Although Vin Diesel clearly didn’t choreograph this sequence), Jenny’s convertible Porsche Boxter careers across LA while Shane tails closely behind in her SUVlet and then there’s Niki’s big black chauffeur ride taking up the rear. Red lights are broken and so few are the instances of rear-view mirror checking and indicating that these ladies could pass for a Dublin city taxi driver anytime.

Tasha and Alice, Alice’s apartment, the Tasha temper is about to flare:

Alice: Wanna talk about it?
Tasha: Talk about what?!
Alice: Well, you’re kicking my shoes. You’re kinda shit-faced.

The rocky rapport of late between Alice and Tasha is coming to a head. Alice tries to prise details of Tasha’s frustration but the unceremoniously discharged and disgruntled former-marine is having none of it. Cue interruption #1: Helena calls for an update on the night’s events. At this point, Tasha starts throwing clothes in a rucksack muttering something about saving Alice the trouble of breaking up with her.

Back to the Jenny-Shane-Niki triangle: Jenny is trying to force the front door shut while Shane perseveres with apologising profusely. Careful, Shane, maybe Jenny’s not trying to close the door but catch your head and it’s scraggly coiffure in it!

Next door in Bette and Tina’s: Angelica’s babysitter informs Bette and Tina that Angie has been congested and feverish. In a surprise role-reversal, Tina is still lashing out and furious over the hijacking of her film while Bette calmly tries to offer reasoned advice to her. Some emotionally evolved dialogue between Mommas B and T about professional respect occurs. Could this signal progress in Team Porter-Kennard? Meanwhile Shane is now rapping the window next-door and shrieking at Jenny á la Stanley Kowalski. Bette and Tina briefly debate the measure of how wrong Shane’s misadventure was and how forgivable it may or may not be before very wisely realising that they should cease the discussion before it opens old wounds and gets unnecessarily divisive. Yup, we’re definitely being told these two are growing.

Inside Jenny’s parlour of bilious rage: That vacuous bag of teeth and curls, Niki, lets herself into Jenny and Shane’s house with a spare set of keys (obviously bestowed unto her in happier, less cheating times) while Shane is still jackhammering the front door down. Niki’s presence purely serves to undermine Shane’s apology to Jenny.

Shane: Tell me what I need to do. I will eat dirt. I will crawl on glass. I will [interrupted by Niki]
Niki: Me too, Jenny! I will even drink that Spirulina disgusting stuff for an entire week!

The encounter ends with Jenny sending a lamp soaring through the air and crashing on the wall beside Shane’s head and a soda can hurtling towards Niki but narrowly missing. Damn. Jenny needs to work on her aim with those cans.

Tasha and Alice, sitting face-to-face on Alice’s bed:

Tasha: I think you’re right. I think we probably should break up.
[Interruption #2: Max is pinging on Alice's laptop.]

Tasha appears to have sobered up and agreed to talk. And now they are breaking up. It’s all very lesbian and civilised. Tasha hits the nail on the head – they have nothing in common. But my, my, they do look oh so good together.

Outside on the porch and unscathed, Shane and Niki:

Niki: Fuck it, right? We tried.
Shane: Shut up, Niki.

Oh, how I’ve longed to hear someone say those words, Shane.

Back to Bette, Tina and the sickly sprog: The wee one’s fever is higher and her cold hasn’t cleared so the mothers are naturally beginning to worry. Shane knocks on the door while they’re nursing the baby. Bette settles Shane on the couch and lends a listening ear while Shane brings her up-to-speed on the 100-mile radius warning issued to Shane by Phyllis—Bette’s boss and the mother of Shane’s most recent love, Molly. Shane also reveals that she does love Molly and that she was even faithful to Molly. Bette somewhat incredulously and while chuckling responds with “Really?!” Realising the pathetic plight, she has invented for herself, Shane laughs the self-deprecated laugh of the hopeless too. Bette feels sympathetic towards Shane (something along the lines of “been there, done that”) while Tina is nothing less than ice-cold towards her. Shane asks to sleep on the couch since Jenny booted her “skanky ass” to the kerb. With Tina on the warpath due to the heterosexist movie ending debacle, the prospect of crashing on the couch is about as appealing as another romp with Niki.

The club formerly known as She-bar, in full-swing and under new management: Helena and Kit are trying to coin a new name for their new joint-venture and arrive at Helena + Kit = The “Hit” Club. Well done, ladies. It only took two of you and half the night to come up with that one.

Tina, Bette and Shane: Raking over the calamitous consequences of Shane’s actions results in Tina and Bette having a domestic feud. And it’s the passive-aggressive kind. Awkwaaaaard! Poor Shane, she’s caught in the middle feeling like the night’s lightening rod for misery. And just when things can’t seem to get any worse, the baby awakes, screaming. Feeling more inappropriately situated than an advertisement for jockstraps in Diva, Shane shuffles out the door to seek a bunk for the night elsewhere.

Alice’s bedroom: Tasha is now on her feet and it seems like the conversation about whether or not to break up has been going in circles. Particularly, Alice is trying to convince Tasha that while her mind may have wandered with thoughts of another gal recently, she did not act on the feelings. Tasha isn’t looking particularly convinced and is less than comforted when Alice says:

Alice: I didn’t even really kiss her!

This little revelation for Tasha combined with the arrival of interruption #3—a homeless Shane—sends her storming out the door. Alice flails after her while simultaneously booting out an inopportunely arrived Shane.

More sick baby: Bette battling a digital ear thermometer. 104 degrees. Time to take baby to hospital.

Molly calls to Jenny and Shane’s house: Molly is looking for Shane. Jenny tells her that whatever her mother said about Shane was completely justified. To which Molly replies:

Molly: My mother’s a raging bitch. And she destroys anyone who gets in her way. And I’m not going to watch her do that to the woman that I love.

So Shane loves Molly! And Molly loves Shane!? Well that’s just the kind of happy-ever-after that’s not going to happen for Shane. Jenny proceeds to fill Molly’s head with some rubbish about Shane and Niki having had a prolonged affair while they were together—going as far back as the Pink Ride (that seminal event in the Shane/Molly story, when Molly made a grand gesture as proof of sincerity of her affection for Shane. Gutted and crushed, Molly leaves a letter and Shane’s jacket for Jenny to pass on, which of course Jenny promptly hides in the attic never to be seen again. But not before reading the letter of course. Classy.

Bette, Tina and Angie, in the hospital Emergency Room: Bette has a showdown with the registrar, whose causing undue consternation over the fact that the child being admitted has two mothers:

Nurse: I can’t process your paperwork.
Bette: This is Los Angeles. There are same-sex families on every fucking street corner. She was born in this fucking hospital and both of our names are on the fucking birth certificate! So why don’t you just give us a fucking break, you bureaucratic maggot and get our daughter in to see a goddamn doctor!

Midnight munchies: Shane appears to have got the hobo look down pat in a mere couple of hours. And just when her night can’t get any worse, Niki arrives with her entourage of pill-popped party people. She’s about as upset about losing Jenny as finding out she doesn’t have to eat sprouts for Christmas dinner. While hitting on Shane in a massively overt way, Niki receives a text message from Niki, inviting her over. While Niki’s wondering whether to bother going to see Jenny, Shane sends her on her merry way to face whatever Jenny has in store for her. Niki leaves with her crew for Jenny’s. Are they all going to arrive on Jenny’s doorstep?

Bette and Tina, in their car outside the hospital:

Bette: “I am so mortified.”

Apparently the home thermometer gave a false reading and Angie is fine after all. The whole experience has brought Bette and Tina closer together though.

Tasha rocks up at her friend’s house, where she’ll be staying tonight: Turns out the friend is a blast from the past—Papi! Where did she get to anyway? Which is exactly what Alice asks her. Alice isn’t finished the earlier conversation with Tasha and follows her into Papi’s. Papi retires to her bedroom to get some “work done”. Alice catches a glimpse of historic nemesis, Gaby Deveaux, strewn across Papi’s bed. Oh, the humanity!

Niki arrives at Jenny’s house: They get right down to bidnis! In between heavy breathing and locking lips, Niki is making feeble apologies, e.g.:

Niki: “I only let Shane go down on me because I was devastated about you.”

Cue some uncomfortable, “Jenny ain’t playin’ nice no mo’” foreplay.

And the contrast of the punitive sanctions for Niki and Shane is drawn when the camera cuts away from bed-bound reconciliatory romancing to Shane, who is sitting alone and friendless in a restaurant.

In Papi’s kitchen: Alice is having a sardonic giggle at some tacky Latin American paraphernalia and Tasha is in the middle of taking her up on her snobbery when Papi and Gaby enter for post-coital snacks. Their hair has evidently been styled by the turbine engine of a Boeing 737. Gaby seizes the minor altercation between Tasha and Alice to have a few acerbic pops at Alice’s expense. Tasha threatens Gaby if she doesn’t cut it out. Oh, Tasha, might there still be something worth fighting for? Let’s hope so.

Helena’s jail-time hardening proves useful in club fracas: In Hit, Helena flexes some muscle and wields a headlock on a few unruly dyke dramatists:

Helena: Everybody keeps their hands off everybody else in my nightclub. Unless they’re loving hands.

Shane arrives at the recently-rebranded club and downs a few medicating shots of Patrón at the bar with Helena and Helena’s less-than-chipper but succinct advice, “Women are poison”.

Bette and Tina pull up outside their house: Bette apologises for defending Shane earlier in the evening because of the message it sent to Tina. Bette seizes the moment to swear a vow to Tina that she shares her values and will never cheat on her again. Here comes Bette’s waterworks. Seriously, the woman must have a had a tear duct reservoir implanted behind her eyes. She must get paid by the tear!

Tasha and Alice, giggling in Papi’s kitchen:

Tasha: Who the hell makes noises like that?

An uncomfortable silence after hours of fruitless conversation eventually erupts into laughter due to the slaying-a-baboon sex sounds coming from Papi’s room.

From sexy to sexier times: Niki and Jenny are romping through the night doing irreparable damage to Jenny’s furniture. Good work, ladies.

Hit Club, Shane is trollied and the party’s over: Kit carries her home.

Having escaped Apes Gone Wild over at Papi’s, Tasha and Alice have sought refuge back in Alice’s: Both are setting up the pull-out bed in Alice’s apartment for Tasha to sleep on. Tasha insists that she won’t sleep in the same bed as Alice until they’ve worked everything out—if they work anything out. However, Alice playfully maneuvers  insists onto the bed with Tasha. Tasha doesn’t seem at all put out and inspite of Alice’s advances, Tasha manages to restrain her. One more thing they don’t have in common emerges: Tasha is serious and Alice is not.

Helena sitting in Hit club: Surveying her new kingdom.

Shane feeling copious amounts of self-pity and drunk on Kit’s couch: Kit is lending a listening ear and some of her trademark “Go get ‘er” advice. She urges Shane to “fight for Jenny”. For the first time in her life, Shane must fight for a woman she cares about instead of running away or letting her go.

Next morning, Niki and Jenny waking up: Niki awakes from cheerful slumber and is looking for round two of her “punishment” from Jenny. She is reveling in their reunion and the ease with which it was achieved. Jenny lies motionless—like a lioness observing her prey, waiting for the apt moment to pounce—while Niki babbles incessantly and characteristically inanely with such prized gems of remorse as:

Niki: It was so romantic when you said I broke your heart, “you’ve broken my heart”.

But what of all of Jenny’s anguish and rage form the night before? BAM! There it is:

Jenny: You’re nothing but a self-indulgent, self-absorbed, little brat. And our affair on set was nothing but a show-mance. And when I said “you’ve broken my heart”, I wasn’t talking about you, darling. [Arises from bed, dresses, leaving Niki reeling from her resonating words.] “It’s time for you to go.” [Exit Jenny.]

Showdown at The Planet: Shane arrives to find all of the others seated. Shane approaches Jenny to talk to her. Jenny blanks Shane and leaves the table, with Tasha and Tina marching behind in demonstrative support. The group is split. Even a Kit “C’mon y’all!” can’t reunite them. Tense times ahead!

If you can’t wait for the first episode of season six of The L Word to hit TV screens here, you can watch it online over at Fancast by clicking here.

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]]> http://www.gaelick.com/2009/01/l-word-season-6-episode-1-%e2%80%9clong-nights-journey-into-day%e2%80%9d-recap/1330/feed/ 9 L Word spin-off in the offing?? http://www.gaelick.com/2008/07/l-word-spin-off-in-the-offing/541/ http://www.gaelick.com/2008/07/l-word-spin-off-in-the-offing/541/#comments Sun, 27 Jul 2008 22:01:36 +0000 click here http://www.gaelick.com/?p=541 [All links open in a new window]

According to Reuters, Showtime and a certain Ilene Chaiken are in the very initial stages of creating a spin-off series to the hit (and miss) TV show, The L Word.

Reuters reports that one lurvely member of the cast will be starring in the new programme – and I, personally, hope that it’s Leisha Hailey. Seemingly none of the L Word cast members have yet been informed who will take this starring role, so it’s a case of “watch this space”.

Also reported is that the L Word itself will leave us with an open-ended storyline which will be continued on the intertubes (de what, Gay?), but this storyline may then be picked up by the spin-off series.

How convoluted.

I have a horrible feeling, though, that this new TV series will feature that god-awful character we love to hate: [*pause for dramatic effect*] Jenny Schecter. Oh Jesus. It shouldn’t be so – we all know this – but just look at past events: Chaiken has done nothing but indulge her love for this most loathesome personality. Despite the worldwide hate campaign against Jenny from lesbians everywhere (except, maybe, three – you know who you are), the show’s creator has seen fit to lead wee Jen in her plot twists from the ridiculous to the irritating to the ridiculous to the irritating to the manatee-ophilic to the oh-god-just-somebody-gouge-out-my-eyes-and-ears.

Let’s hope this is more of a Frasier and less of a Joey.

In any event, all of this has to be true because the report was penned by one Kimberly Nordykei. I kid you not.

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